A Twisted World

A Twisted World

I was walking down a dirt road, kicking up dust with every step I took. It was blisteringly hot. I licked my parched lips and rubbed the sweat from my forehead as I looked up at the purple sky. A huge yellow moon dominated the horizon creating an eerie dusk-like light across the rolling landscape.

I couldn't remember how I came to be here.

Up ahead I could make out a farm house. I set off in its direction hoping to get a drink of water.

The road ended in the farmyard. Wading through a flock of chickens sitting on the porch I knocked on the door and waited.

And waited.

"Hello? Anyone home?" I called.

A rooster flew up onto the porch rail in a flurry of blue, black feathers. It cocked its head and stared at me. He moved towards me, his spurs clicking and then stopped.

His spurs clicking?

I looked down at them. Sharp steel glinted in the moonlight. I looked back at his face and I swear he smiled. I retreated down the steps. He turned his head following my progress.

Looking over my shoulder I saw a dim light shining from an open barn door. I eased towards it. Inside, I was relieved to find a farmer milking a cow. At least. I thought he was. He painted a mournful picture sitting on a milking stool next to the animal. He was resting his chin in his hands as he watched an empty pail. He was thin and pallid, greasy strands of long hair lined his balding head.

"Hi," I said. "I didn't think there was anyone here."

He jumped on hearing my voice and stared up at me. He licked his lips, cleared his throat and gave me a toothy smile.

"Howdy. What can I do you for?"

"I was hoping to trouble you for a drink of water. I'm so thirsty."

"Nice, ain't it?"

I squinted at him, then looked at the cow. I gaped. The cow was a bull. I looked back at the farmer.

"Ain't that a bull?"

The bull snorted and turned his huge head around. His eyes shone red. I took a step back. The farmer's eyes grew big around. He put a finger over his lips while he pet the beast with his other hand.

"Atta girl, Daisy," he said. "We're done now. You did good. You nearly filled the pail."

The bull continued to glare. The farmer picked up the pail, grabbed me by the arm and pulled me from the barn. He spoke in a harsh whisper.

"You nearly done it. That was close."

Copying the whispered voice, I croaked back. "What do you mean and what were you doing with that bull?" I clawed his hand from my arm and shuddered.

He glanced around the yard and spoke softly. "You see, that Bull wants to be a cow. He wants to be called daisy and..."

He grimaced.

"and... he wants to be milked. So I just sit next to him and tell him how good a milker he is. That's all. He'll go into a rage if we don't."

He showed me the empty bucket. I just stared at him.

"Follow me if you want some water." I fell in step with him and we walked towards the back of the house. In the field next door I saw another farmer with a plough, except it was being driven by a team of pigs. The farmer was standing, looking bored, while the pigs strained against their harness.

"Say, shouldn't your buddy be using a team of horses. It would work better than pigs."

The farmer stared at them and then back at me with a puzzled expression.

"He is using horses."

"They're pigs."

He looked, then nodded. "Nope, definitely horses."

I scratched my head. "I don't get it."

He shook his head and smiled. "They want to be horses, so they're horses. Who are we to say they can't be what they want to be?"

"Ok..." I looked back at the porcine team. "How long have they been ploughing that field?"

He scratched his head. "Oh. I guess about a month."

"A month? That should only take a day!"

He looked sharply at me. "Mister, we don't take kindly to negative talk around here. Anybody can succeed. So I'll hear no more of that."

I put up my hands. I didn't want to argue with him. I just needed a drink.

We walked and then I spied the horses in the next field. I pointed them out.

"Would you agree they're horses?"

"Yup"

I stared, noticing something was wrong.

"They look sick or something. Their ribs are showing and both their heads are drooping. What are you feeding them?"

He sighed. "That's a problem. They're strict about what they eat. They're afraid to hurt any living thing so they'll only eat fruit that's fallen off a tree."

I just stared at him, amazed the equine species was so fussy.

"I'm glad we got the other team of horses. These two couldn't do it anymore."

I looked around for the other horses and then realised he was talking about the pigs. I held my peace this time.

To my delight we arrived at a hand pump. He must have read the eagerness in my face. He smiled, put the pail down and started pumping.

He nodded at the base of the pump. "Grab that cup there and fill it up when the water flows."

I picked up a steel cup, blew some straw out it and held it under the pump. Water gushed out and I drew back startled.

It was hot!

I took a drink and spat it out.

It was salty!

I looked at him thinking this was some kind of joke.

He smiled. "Refreshing, ain't it?"

He reached forward and took the cup out of my dumbfounded hands, took a long drink and wiped his mouth.

"Ahhh. That's some good water. Let's go back up to the house for dinner."

I followed along not knowing what else to say. My mouth was pickled from the brine but I finally manged to get my tongue to work.

"Do all the animals drink that?"

"Yup."

I nodded at the sheep. "Even the lambs."

His brow creased. "Well, we don't have too many lambs anymore."

"Really? I bet it's because of the water."

He laughed. "Nah. Most of the sheep don't want lambs. They don't want their figures messed up."

We arrived back at the porch and the farmer let me into his kitchen. I heard the click of the rooster's spurs before I saw him. He fluttered up on the counter next to me. His black beady eyes were unnerving as he followed every move I made. I looked around at the barrenness of the cupboards.

I returned my gaze to the farmer. "So. What do you eat around here?"

"Oh. Didn't you know?"

I looked at the rooster and then back at him.

I gestured towards the rooster. "Him?"

He started to laugh. "Nah. You!"

The rooster flew into my face, the sharp steel spurs slashing at my throat.

I sat awake gasping and holding my throat. I checked my hands.

Whew! No blood.

I was so thirsty. I took a long quenching drink of water and lay back down. Images of that strange dream replayed in my mind.

"What an upside down and back to front world", I said, as I turned on CNN.