The 40 years old virgin wizard

6th of June, 2035
Hungary was usually sunny and warm during summers. Not this day though. It was pouring down as if God himself wants to drown the populous beneath the skies.
The dense, grey accumulation of tall communist blocks were melting under the heavy rain. The Dank Madman wore a grey long coat as if he tried to match the gloom of the day.
He Walked into a tall, 10 story building. He wiped his brows free of any rain that built up on them. He shook his umbrella and reluctantly walked towards the stairs.
Each step generated a great amount of pain, not in his flesh but his soul. He didn't want to be in this dreadful building. In fact, he would rather be anywhere but here.
However, today was a special day. It was the birthday of his oldest friend, Marko Varadi. Why was Madman in such a melancholic mood? Birthdays are supposed to be fun.
A fair thought, but it was ultimately foolish. Marko's birthday was never a fun occasion. This will be extra miserable, Madman though. But why? It was Marko's 40th birthday...
and he was still a virgin...

The Madman reached the 7th floor of the building, took a deep breath and knocked on the door. As if by some sort of sorcery, the door just opened and revealed a disgusting shelter
for a disgusting man. He stepped in and looked around. There were empty crates of Cheetos and marmalade everywhere. Mustard and other unknown liquids stained the towering pile
of unwashed clothes in the end of the hallway. As he walked, cheetos crumbs and tins of rotting corned beef scrunched underneath his boots. He winced at the sight of this pathetic
abode. Pictures of naked women covered the walls and windows. Some had visible white stains on them, the smell was overwhelming. It was nothing compared to what Madman saw when he
walked into the living room. The smell of farts and body odour assaulted his nose. He examined the room. Plates stacked high in one corner, a bed heavy with urine, pictures of anime
girl's feet and ass. Disgusting. In the middle of this miserable scenery was a blob of hairy flesh, a cyst. It was moving and as it moved, flies took flight and cans of diet coke fell
to the ground.The bulb of flesh turned around, and placed amibo figurine of princess peach on the table. Some vile substance dripped from it. Fighting his antipathy, Madman spoke.

"It's been 40 years already" He said with much gloom in his words. " What have you done so far. eh? Have you done anything besides being a monstrum of a man, abominable one at that?!"
"Hurrger burghssssh" Said the repulsive creature that used to be Marko. "You aren't even saying words anymore. This cannot go on for any longer Marko!" Shouted Madman. Whilst his voice
may have depicted much dislike towards the beast of a man called Marko, but it was full of sadness."You are 40, never even had a woman! No plans for the future, nothing! How do you want
to be remembered, old friend? Who will remember you in this state?" Inquired the frustrated friend. "All women are bitches, mang." Said marko with tons of spit flying from his fat lips.
"They only want money, big dicks and abs. I hate them, they don't want me." Said Marko whilst scratching his chode through his trousers. "No Mark. Women are not easy, true, but you?!
I am afraid to walk a step closer to you in fear of getting meningitis! How do you expect to be in a relationship, when I am having a hard time just looking at you without vomiting?"
Answered the hesitant friend."HUrrbbbsdffff" Said marko as he stood up from his bean bag and walked to his desk. "I see, you not gonna do anything...It's easier to huff and puff then
to improve yourself, isn't it? Inquired Madman. This time no answer came back, besides in the form some farts, burps or snorts. "What are you even doing now?" asked Madman as he stepped closer.
Some sort of shrine was being built on Marko's table. About a foot tall pile of baked beans tins were stacked up to form a ghastly tower. There were two weeb figurines (both covered in cum)
on the two ends of it. A WW2 iron cross was placed on a nickleback cd in the middle as Marko scrapped his head, resulting in a snowfall of dandruff that landed on the cd.
"Urgh, Marko you need help bruv. You are sick!" said the disgruntled friend. Marko produced a lighter from his chest hair and set the dandruff on fire. "Marko, seriously...what the fuck?" Said Madman
"All my life, women ignored me. They always go for the buff, rich guys. You know what it feels like as you don't look like a person who would have a girlfriend." Said Marko in a sinister way.
"Marko, I have been married for 15 years! I already have 3 children for fuck's sake?" Shouted Madman, obviously pissed of by Marko's assumption. "In that case, you have no place in my world."
Said marko with a suprisingly deep and dark tone. "What?" said Madman whilst reaching for his knife, slowly. "Madman, the world will never be the same. I have achived what no one else ever did.
I have become the 40 year old virgin!" screamed Marko as a great shockwave blasted Madman to the wall. Madman screamed in agony as he stood up. He looked at his friend or what he have become.

Marko was no longer himself. He was covered in a blue robe and a blue hat was on the top of his head. He held a staff next to himself as blue energy eminated from him. The worst thing has happened.
Marko became a wizard. 40 years of pathetic life choices allowed him to unlock the secrets of the universe. Madman thought if he doesn't stop him right here right now, the world will be undone.
Madman cracked his neck, grunted and lunged forward to stab the virgin in his weak heart. Marko lifted his staff and with a swift movement launched a stream of blue light towards his outmatched foe.
"GANZAN GYOOOZAN HAAAA" shouted Marko as the spell was cast. "TACHI BAKI N' BUKAKKU!" screamed Madman as he jumped head first into the blue light with his knife. The bolt of energy went through the blade
and the body of the bald hungarian man. Madman tried landing on his feet and walked towards Marko whilst his body shook in pain. The blade was close to Marko's heart, but the magical powers of his attacks
were too powerful for a puny blade made of mundane metals. The blade broke in the several pieces as Madman flew back across the room, again. Shards of the blade pierced the body of his and one shard even went
straight into his eye. Badly injured and now half-blind, Madman coughed up blood and looked at his "friend" as he was just about to cast another spell." This Planet is for the beta now, none of you will find solace
here." Marko cackled as he blasted splurge of blue energy towards Madman. Accepting his fate, Madman closed his eyes and waited for his death. Seconds have passed, but he was still alive. How? He opened his eyes and
looked up. What he witnessed was certainly sight for a bleeding sore eye. Marko's energy blast was blocked and contained in a spinning computer ventilator. What was going on? He looked to his right and saw another one
of his friend has joined the battle. It was Matt.

"Matt?!" said Madman with shock in his voice."You...are a wizard as well? How? You are not a virgin...are you?" inquired Madman."No, but I am autistic." Answered the 6'2 hairy fat cunt. "Your technomancy does not impress me, Matt."
cried out Marko as he looked at the man clad in computer parts and fried chicken crust crumbs. "Yeah, well your MUM was impressed by the size of my DICK!" Shouted Matt as he threw several graphics card charged with his autistic energy.
Marko pulled his robe over himself for protection, to little effect. Several chunks of meat tore from Marko's body. He screamed out in pain as he faced his new opponent. "PATHETIC WRETCH, I WILL DESTROY YOU!!!" screamed Marko as he
charged another blast of energy. Matt prepared more computer parts and launched them towards Marko. The battle went on for at least 30 minutes. Even if in the beginning, it seemed as if Matt can destroy the 40 years old virgin, he was
overpowered by Marko. Both Madman and Matt were badly bloodied and Marko laughed maniacally. "Both of you will be destroyed and I will rule the world as the god of virginity!!" Boasted marko, whilst he was conjuring another spell.
Matt stood up to try one more time. "BE...GONE...FUCCBOIIIIIIII!!!!!" Matt shouted desperately as he was blasting an endless stream of cables and bolts. Marko blasted a large blue ball of energy towards Matt. It would have decimated both Matt
and Madman if it reached them. Matt fought valiently, but his attempts to stop Marko's attack were futile. Madman contemplated the outcomes of this battle. If they die no one will be able to stop Marko. His virginity will reign supreme
over the world. Madman made a hasty decision as he saw his friend struggling to withstand Marko's attack. He launched himself towards the blue ball of energy with his shiny, bald head. He headbutted Marko's spell and sent it flying back at his
ugly, hairy and despicable face. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" Marko screamed in pain as his own attack tore right into his body. Seconds Later, the devastating power of the spell tore Marko to bloody bits. It was over.

Matt cheered on for several seconds, but his cheers turned into a shocked gasp as he saw his friend bleeding on the ground. He ran to him, saw that his head was split open and 3rd degree burns all over his body.
"You saved everyone at your own expense" said Matt. Madman tried to speak, but it was too late. His ravaged body was unable to speak any more words. Before he died, he though about his family, the world and what has happened here.
But there was one thing that was in his damaged head more than anything else. He finally managed to kill Marko's miserable, bitch ass.