Pope Shame

My girlfriend Sissy brought an article to my attention this morning. As soon as I read the headline "Pope declares couples who choose not to have children are selfish," I knew I was in for a crappy day. You see, Sissy pretty much hangs on the Pope's every word, and this condemnation was tantamount to him banishing us to Hell forever.

I tried to console her by reminding her we've done everything possible to have children. In fact, Sissy appeared to be preggers in 2002, and we delighted in preparing for our first child. Unfortunately, our joy soon turned to heartache when Sissy 'delivered' a stillborn large beef and bean burrito right in the middle of painting the nursery. Later we learned Sissy couldn't conceive because her uterus is too fluffy.

Anyway, thanks to the Pope's shaming, Sissy now wants to adopt a child, which I'm fine with as long as it's a boy. We're trying to figure out what color to get, but are so far leaning towards black because Sissy thinks the contrast would look good. Her only reservation is she would want one from Africa instead of locally, thinking he/she would be less likely to carjack people when older.

I'm personally leaning towards Asian, as nobody wants a stupid child, and I love sushi. Also, the fact he/she'd end up having a well-paying job assures Sissy and I of the kind of retirement we deserve. As a backup, I would settle for a Hispanic child, as Sissy sucks at housecleaning, and I'd do almost anything to get out of yard work.

We'll see what happens. Thanks a lot, Pope.