Pork and Beans

I saw Bubba scoopin' pork and beans
from our Christmas smorgasbord
into bowl so cheery red,
while I was sneakin' Pap's eggnog
into my sippy cup last night.

         Mama didn't see him goin' back
         to refill again and again.
         Brown sugar and molasses glaze
         was just too hard to resist.

I saw Bubba wolfin' down pork and beans
from bowl so cheery red
at our Christmas smorgasbord,
while I was guzzlin' eggnog
from my sippy cup last night.

         Before long, pungent vapors
         exposed his little caper,
         as he filled the room with plumes of fumes
         that had everyone gasping for air,
         like mustard gas left over
         from the battlefields of World War I.

I heard Bubba passin' gas,
as he pranced around the smorgasbord
playin' aromatic rhapsody
on his intestinal trombone,
while I sought more of Pap's eggnog
for my sippy cup last night.

         Somebody called the terror squad,
         who ordered us to evacuate the premises
         so they could eradicate his nemesis.

         And that, my friends, is why
         we cancelled Christmas celebration
         at our house this year.

       

Author's note: 32 lines of parody on this old favorite: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UI8spatbGEo