Just Talking Turkey

"So, Mr. Turkey.... Tom is it? Can I call you Tom?"

"You would assume that wouldn't you? Actually my name is Tartol. It's a family name. Don't ask."

"Ok...Tartol. A couple of my friends are coming over to hang out and I was wondering if you'd like to come?"

"You can't be serious! Really? Really, dude? Do you think I was hatched yesterday?"

"Wait. What? I don't understand. I was just being friendly. You know, neighborly. I'm not sure where all this hostility is coming from?"

"You must really think I am a bird brain. Well, I am a bird and I have a brain....and I know how to use it."

"Tartol, the guys in the area have been admiring you. They've noticed how big and strong you've gotten. Your feathers look amazing, man. I just think they want to find out what you're doing."

"What I'm doing! What I'm doing! I'm pecking the friggin' ground. I fly around. What do you think I'm doin'?"

"Alright, alright. Don't get your feathers in a bunch. I'm just trying to be polite here. By the way, what do you eat anyway?"

"I know you're just trying to pull the waddle over my eyes cuz you think I'm an idiot. I'm smarter than you think Dick. Can I call you Dick?"

"My name is not Dick, it's Jeremy. Why would you assume my name is Dick?"

"I don't know. It just seemed to fit. You know, see Dick run. Watch Jane cook. Is there any other reason I'd think you're a Dick?"

"Ha, ha. A sarcastic turkey named Tartol. You're just trying to piss me off now, aren't you? Seriously though, what do turkeys eat? I never really thought about it 'til now. When left to your own devices what do you eat?"

"I like spiders and grasshoppers. Mmm. Oh I really like little frogs. They taste like chicken."

"That's pretty funny. Tastes like chicken. So how about it? Wanna come hang out?"

"Fine. I guess. Sure. I know a short cut. I know these woods like the back of my foot. You seem ok. No funny business. No guns! Deal?"

"Deal. See isn't this much nicer? Friendship among the species. I have a dog, a cat. Why not hang with a turkey? The guys are going to love you."

"Come here for sec. I want to show you something. It's really awesome!"

"Sure. Whatcha gooooot. Holy crap! Get it off! Get it off! Tom help me out man. Someone left their bear trap out and it's got me good. It's killing me. Help me."

"The name is Tartol. I'm not Tom. Hey fellows you can come out now. We got us another one. Dick. It's What's for dinner. Hey Lester I get the eyes this time."