Myself

I was standing by the lake that night on the dock, I was drunk and high. I stood there and watched as the current ran by. I though to myself if I jumped in, there was no way I was going to be able to swim. I smiled. The thought though was tempting but I couldn't do it. Black water scared me, you don't know what is in it. I don't want to suffer when I die, I just want it to be quick. I used to be afraid of death. But sometimes I think of it more than I should. when I'm driving I often think of running into a tree, or off the overpass. or what if a deer came out and hit me right in the driver side door. what if I took this whole bottle of pills would it actually do it. It's not every day it might not even be every week. I don't think about it. I often feel why me, every time something bad happens. Ever just think enough stuff has happened to you, what else could the universe possibly throw at me. I just want something really good to happen, I want to feel happy and not get it ruined by something stupid in life, but I'm afraid that it is never going to happen.