Sunrise, Sunset

I wasn't supposed to be out at night. We lived in the shady part of town, and Daddy said he didn't want anything to happen to me. Nobody would mess with me, though, because I was Julian's girl. Daddy didn't seem to get that, though.
Momma liked Julian. She was a school teacher, and she'd known Julian before Julian'd decided it was better to be tough than to be vulnerable, before his mother had died, and before he'd dropped out. She knew he was "a good kid." Daddy didn't agree, though. He thought Julian was a "no-good jerk" who wasn't worth my time, but Momma outruled him.
Since I was out with Julian, Momma had said it was fine.
Julian and I sat in the back of his pick-up, watching the sun set over the lake. He had his arm around me, pulling me tightly to him. He kissed my neck.
"Watch the sunset." I said, pushing his head away with my shoulder.
"I don't like sunsets."
"I do."
"I like the sunrise. Sit with me till then?"
"I've got to get home and do homework."
"You're such a goody two-shoes."
"I don't deny it."
"Cold, babe?" He brushed my hair from my face and planted a kiss on my temple as I nodded.
"Julian." I grabbed the hand of the arm that was around me so he couldn't move it. "I love you."
His angry expression dropped for a millisecond, and I was foolish enough to think he would say he loved me too. He took up his default façade again. "I know. I got a blanket in the truck. I'll go get it." He pulled his hand from mine and was jumping over the side of the truck before I could even think of a way to respond.
The chill of fall immediately took up residence where Julian's warmth had been, and I shivered. I was stubborn, though, and over the years I'd learned how to manipulate him. He was, at least in Daddy's eyes and his own eyes, a hardened criminal. And he was. He was the guy all the cops watched skeptically when he passed, who shamelessly beat up anybody who ticked him off in the slightest, and who drove drunk just to see if he could die, but he was also the guy who bought the little girl who'd fallen on the playground last week ice cream to make her feel better (after making sure no one was looking, of course), who let his father beat him senseless because he thought he deserved it, and who was sitting out in the cold watching the sunset with me because I'd asked and given him puppy dog eyes. So, yes, he was Daddy's hardened criminal, and he was Momma's good kid, and he was my boyfriend. We'd been dating for four years, and I'd let him move at his own pace, so I figured I could push him a little bit. He had a soft spot for me, and, to a lesser extent, my mother, and, though he didn't admit it, for his father.
I'd already freaked him out, though, and he'd shut down, so I dropped it for the time being.
He climbed back in the bed of the truck and draped a blanket over me before sitting back down. He sat a respectful distance away, which was something he hadn't even done when we first started dating.
I scooted over and put part of the blanket over him too. He grunted in thanks. I pulled his arm around me and leaned against him, but he barely acknowledged it. I'd pushed him way too far out of his comfort zone, and all I'd done was tell him I loved him. Sometimes at night before I went to bed, I'd text him "Love you," and he'd never responded with anything more than "Goodnight, baby girl" (and that's the most I'd gotten, and that was rare, and mostly after an encounter with either his dad and/or copious amounts of booze. Mostly he didn't answer or just said "Goodnight"), so I don't know why I'd expected him to respond with anything now.
I put my arms around him under the blanket and laid my head on his chest.
"Julian?" I said again after a while.
I felt his heart begin to race as he grunted another response.
"Thanks for coming with me. Daddy wouldn't've let me otherwise."
He seemed to think that my response signified being out of danger, at least for the time being. "Sure thing, babe. You know there's not much I wouldn't do to get you alone."
"You know, Daddy'd be furious if he knew I'd even kissed you."
"What're you supposed to do, not kiss till marriage?"
I laughed, and he finally relaxed.
We watched as the sun began to move faster. I doubted it actually moved faster, but it did look that way.
"So?" He asked after a second. "Are you staying with me?"
"I dunno yet. I really need to do homework."
"I'll take you home when you're ready."
"If I stay, I'll have to tell Daddy I stayed at Kaylie's."
"You're the one that has a problem lying to Daddy Dearest."
"That's the problem." I laughed.
We sat in a comfortable silence until the last of the red faded from the sky.
"You ready to--"
I tilted my head up and kissed him. He cut off immediately and reciprocated.
I almost forgot my plan, but I brought myself back to it while poor Julian was oblivious to the trap that awaited him.
I moved over onto his lap, and he wrapped his arms around me.
"Tell me you love me." I whispered in his ear.
"C'mon, let's get you home." He said in the gruff voice that made everybody think he was a hardened criminal.
I touched his cheek lightly and kissed him gently. He was a sucker for gentle touches, but he didn't let anybody touch him if he could help it. He let his father, because he couldn't stop him, and he let my mother once, when he was sick a couple years ago, and he let me, because he wanted to kiss me. He didn't like to talk in general, much less about feelings. Love was more or less taboo. "Tell me you love me." I brushed his unruly hair from his face.
"I love you." He said breathlessly.
"See, that wasn't so hard."
He pushed me off of him, probably more forcefully than he'd intended. He climbed over the side of the truck and backed up into a tree.
I jumped over after him, pulling the blanket with me and wrapping it around me like a cape. "Don't freak out, Julian." I said calmly.
"No. Don't touch me. That's cheating." He took in a sharp breath, looking at me like I'd just betrayed him.
"Julian, it's okay."
"No! No it's not. It's not okay. It's--"
"Calm down, babe. It's okay. Don't freak out."
That's what he'd told me when I tried LSD. "Don't freak out, babe. It's okay." It did turn out to be okay, but I'd never done any drug again. That's probably what he would do--unfortunately not with drugs--but that was okay. I would take what I could get. He was freaking out more than I had on a hardcore psychoactive drug. If Momma knew, she would cry over how "broken" he was. And so did I.
He stopped immediately when I started crying.
"What? What's wrong?" He asked, coming forward and grabbing my hands. "Babe?"
I put my face in his jacket and he wrapped his arms around me.
"Oh my God." He said, and I lifted my head to look at him. He looked down at me, like I was the one acting weird.
"What?" I asked.
"I love you."
"What?" It was my turn to look at him like he was acting weird, but he actually was.
"I love you." He said emphatically, gripping my hands again. "I love you, babe. I... I love you."
"I love you too." You say.
He steps back, as if just now realizing what he was doing. He clears his throat. "Are... Are you staying?"
I nodded.
He offered a hand to help me back in the truck, but it was easier to climb over without it, so I didn't take it. He climbed up after me and sat down, raking a hand through his hair. "Go to bed, baby girl. I'll wake you up for the sunrise."
"I'd rather stay up with you." I sat down side him.
"That's all right." He said flatly.
"Julian, you can't shut down every time--"
"Watch me." He snapped.
Anybody else would have run at that tone, but I laid down and put my head in his lap. "Goodnight, Julian."
"Goodnight." He said quietly.

I woke up as the sky was brightening. I sat up and rubbed my eyes as I stretched.
"I love you. I should have said something before. I'm lucky to have you." Julian said quickly.
My sleep-muddled brain didn't process anything he said, so I just nodded. I leaned my back against the cab and laid my head on his shoulder.
"I was gonna wake you, but you looked so peaceful." He said.
I hummed in response. He put his arm around me and kissed my head. "Let's get you home, doll."