Must Enter, Must Win!

FORM - LIMERICK

Full Counts
All Words: 392
Text Lines: 75

This contest for poetry
Must work hard on my entry
If I'm really funny
I'll get lots of money
And join the premium gentry.

Shall I write about romance?
About merry couples that dance?
Boys who play
Girls rolling in the hay
Nah. That wouldn't stand a chance.

I know! I'll write about nature.
That would get me quite some stature.
The flowers and trees
The birds and the bees
How to catch a young girl and date 'er.

Ah we're back to Cupid's arrow
Leading you off the straight and narrow
Walks, hand in hand
On the beach, in the sand
Of forbidden apples and marrow.

'Forbidden marrow?' you ask
Yes, well, you know my task
Calls me to rhyme
And sound sublime
Um -- the rum's in the flask.

Will the judges think I'm rude
If I were to write about food?
When someone chews
It stirs my muse
But somehow, I don't think it's good

I know! I'll write about plumbers.
Plumbers, in very great numbers.
But hush, 'b' silent
Don't be a tyrant
Let the plumbers have their slumbers.

Without the 'b', the word plumbers
Is said to sound like 'drummers'
So they form a band
With wrench in hand
And wreck the silent summers.

Don't say it doesn't make sense
You're making me quite tense
Can't you indulge?
Let your love bulge?
Read this through a rosy lens?

I'm seriously beginning to doubt
If there's anything I can write about
Each topic I choose
Is too tight or too loose
Or it might give the judges gout.

I know I should try harder
To find rhymes from the poet's larder
To just toss something in
Won't help me win
'GOUT' doesn't join the cadre.

What is that you say?
The judges have RUN AWAY?
Come back, judges, come back
I know my poem does lack
Anything to make you stay!

So I'll really get down to it
So that you don't rue it
About heels and toes
And footwear that knows
To sock it, you must shoe it.

That isn't clever by half?
Makes you want to barf?
What do I do?
Cows go MOO
When calling to their calf.

Okay, okay, I'll stop!
And if I don't come out on top
I'll start to cry
Because I did try
Though the poem was a flop.