Out Of My Mind

Out Of My Mind
Chapter One

Editor's note: As you know this was more than four years ago, so not all the weblinks still work.



Webchat live. 8:11:09pm Central

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“It’s an attack.”

The other people in the room, who are still my body’s friends, laugh. Ben says, “Another conspiracy theory!” Georgie laugh-talks, “Aliens?”

“Likely.”

“Likely aliens? Or likely a conspiracy theory?” she, Georgie, asks.

“Aliens.”

“An alien attack would make you feel disconnected from your body?”

“Not this-, my body, but a sense of ‘I’ and, yes, aliens.”

Rachel is more serious. “You should see someone about it.” She looks concerned.

“OK,” says, Georgie, trying not to laugh, “explain it again.”

“Do you think it’s viral?” asked Ben, half jokingly.

“You think he’s catching,” Georgie asks mock seriously, then breaks out in laughter.

“That’s what ‘viral’ means, yes,” Ben snarks back.

That conversation was two days ago, to the hour. This body is writing this as you read it, but it is not me. Well, it is me, but I am not an I anymore. If you understand this, please click vote.

124

2,135 people reading this and 124 … wait. That was poorly worded.

If you have also lost your ‘I,’ click vote.

17

2,135 people reading this and 17 also lost their ‘I’ … or are pretending. If the former, then we’re now up to almost 1%. Seven tenths of a percent to be more exact. One eleventh of the way to an epidemic.

Back tomorrow at 8:11pmC.

Webchat closed.

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Webchat live. 8:09:14pm Central

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Eye contact now reveals others. There’s an understanding that any self-awareness is gone. An understanding of no self. A body, yes. And a mind, clearly. And a unique mind, also clearly, since there is only physical indications of understanding, nothing mental. Their eyes show they see there is no “I” looking back at them, but the minds don’t touch. My body reaches out a finger and … Stuck! One body with two minds. Wave all four arms. The connection breaks. The other body quickly moves away and then disappears into the crowd.

Mental note: Do not touch others like this!

That was yesterday. How many out there have experienced this? Click vote.

22

2,613 people reading this and now we’re at 0.8%. Still a long way from an epidemic, which, for this webchat is 7.7%. When 7.7% of a population contracts a disease, then it's an epidemic. But that was only those of us who experienced the joint control phenomenon.

There are 2617 people reading this as it’s being typed. By a body that used to be ‘me,’ but is now simply a body. My body? The body this mind controls. And when this body touches another controlled by a like mind – call us like-minded people? – then this mind can control that body, too, and, vice versa it’s expected. Unsure. An experiment for another day.

Click vote if

2

Please wait for the question, before you click vote otherwise you mess up the results.

If you have tried to control another like-mind, then click vote.

15

Is this real? Have 15 really done so? Picking one at random and opening up chat.

Host>What happened.
1273 <We controlled each other. I can
Host >I?
1273 <move her, yes, I decided to use I but I do not feel the I. Hard to differentiate with it.
Host >Continue, though this feels fake
1273 <Understood.
Host >How old is the body?
1273 <My body?
Host >My?
1273 <47 How else can it be explained?
Host >When you controlled the other body, did it also control yours?
1273 <Yes. It was one body with two controllers. We told each other
Host >with words?
1273 <to move the same legs and could feel the push back, or help if Yes with words. We could not connect with minds
Host >This feels real, but the ‘I’ and ‘we’ make it untrustworthy.
1273 <Are you scared?
Host >What? Explain.
1273 <I, even though I do not feel like an I, am terrified. Though it feels different than terrified felt before. And also aimless. Dead. You?
Host >Are saying fear makes me self-aware?
1273 <No. This one, is that better? is asking
Host >No. This one still means individuality. Ending chat, but continuing posting. And thank you.
1273 <You’r

How many out there felt what 1273 describes. Vote.

8

Only 8. Certainly not an epidemic. Especially if some of the votes are people clicking vote when it opens.

Maybe Rachel was right about seeing a psychiatrist. Look for that report tomorrow evening at 8:11pmC sharp, as always.

Webchat closed.

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Webchat live. 8:11:38pm Central

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Psychiatrist Visit Report – Highlights
(See the full report here.)

• This was an academic discussion, not a patient/doctor discussion, but we discussed what is being experienced by this mind and body at this point.
• She smiled immediately, not out of amusement, but from understanding.
• She said she had two new patients complaining of the same symptoms. One used ‘I’ and other spoke the same way as this mind.
• She said she and the patient explored the feeling of detachment, but it was not detachment. The mind and body are attached. She did not have a word for the loss of self.
• She said she has seen patients with dissociative disorder but those generally have more than one personality, not the loss of the sole personality, so it’s not disassociation, even though that sounds like the right diagnosis to a non-psychiatrist.
• We agreed to meet again tomorrow. That report will be here.

We? One is not ‘I’ but two are ‘we.’ It doesn’t feel like ‘we,’ so perhaps that’s a limitation of our written language. And apologies to 1273 from yesterday.

How many like-minds out there today? Vote.

102

Assuming this number is ½ correct, then we’re at 51 out of 3,700 (exactly 3700 when the vote ended). 1.3%. Still not an epidemic. Or not a pandemic, better word, since there are people from outside of the United States on this webchat now.

3707. My how we’ve grown!

Let’s try this a different way.

Two votes will appear soon. I-minded and Like-minded. Click the button you feel best describes you. But first, Like-minded is what is meant by people who have lost their sense of ‘I.’ Who feel like a third-person in their own body. Not just conceptually, but really. If you are unsure, then please vote “I-minded.”

I-minded: 257
Like-minded: 602

Holy crap! What just happened here? Wait a minute.

Webchat paused.

Let’s try that again. There are now 3,905 people on this webchat. More than 200 arrived in the last two minutes.

Let's assume this is attracting people who feel the way that is being described. Or, perhaps, someone is playing a trick.

Here is the belief: There is a growing condition that people are losing their sense of self. That they are being disconnected from the ‘I.’ Also that, when they touch others with this, call it a condition, they can control the other’s body and the other can control their body.

Theories range from psychological virus to alien attack, but that’s not what is being discovered here on this webchat. You can read the theories, including those of this writer, here.

What is being explored on this webchat is the size and scope of the pandemic. Has this line been crossed? Pandemic? Describing this is hard. Determining if people are voting properly is harder. If you have any ideas of how I can create a proper poll, please send them to this contact.

If you think it’s a pandemic, click vote.

1442

Out of 4,111. 35% almost exactly.

How many of you are experiencing this issue personally? Vote.

1229

Webchat paused.

What is happening here today??! Join tomorrow at 8:11… wait.

How many have seen this condition in others? Vote.

521

This needs some research. And thanks for all the contacts.

Back tomorrow at 8:11.

Webchat closed.

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Webchat live. 8:02:03pm Central

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What is a Like-Mind? It is someone who has contracted the virus or disorder of self-dissociation, meaning they no longer describe themselves as or feel like an “I”. They are an individual, yes. And they understand that they are a singularity, that is, not part of a collective. However, when they touch another Like-Mind, that is, another person with the self-dissociative disorder, they can control the other body and the other mind can control theirs.

As these bodies are not fixed together, and are easily separated by even the smallest action, they do not become one unit.

How prevalent is this? Unknown. That is what this webchat is trying to discover every evening at 8:11pm Central. US time.

Why is this happening? There are many theories ranging from government mind control, to random virus, to alien attack. You can view them here. While “random virus” is the most popular, it is just that: Most popular. No proof of any theory has been discovered.

This website is trying to find patient zero. Please visit there, take the quiz and register your location at the time you lost your sense of “I.” I am dot number 317 and story is here. I am now patient 7, which will no doubt change as earlier cases are registered.

That being said, I have not yet been validated. You can arrange for validation here. My validation is scheduled for two days from now. I’ll post the experience on that day.

Note:
Again, apologies to 1273 from two days ago. I am also finding it hard to communicate without using the I pronouns, though I do not feel like an I. And now I know what transgenders feel like with their binary bodies and non-binary minds. Or otherly binary personalities.

1273, please send me a contact with your contact information, so I can apologize personally. Also, please send me your dot number. (To others, I do know 1273’s IP, so please do not pretend to be 1273 if you are not.)

So much has happened in the past 24 hours, as you can read by the above.

Also, the psychiatrist said she received twelve more patients claiming they were self-dissociated. Twelve more. In one day. No doubt a few from this viewership. And, since you cannot see the viewer count, there are 11,689 viewers here today.

Yesterday’s high was 4,156. The day before had 2,671. Something is clearly happening. Either the pandemic is spreading or more people are finding this site and the psychiatrist I visited. (See above re: the I pronoun. And I cannot apologize to 1273 enough. So much easier to write with “I” even if I do not feel it.)

Now, the moment you have all be waiting for. Not a vote, but a poll this this time. Thanks to various readers for this idea. Hold a sec.

Webchat paused.

Select only one response:

I am…

A) I-minded: 3,899 / 40.7%
B) Self-dissociated (Formerly “Like-Minded”): 3,994 / 41.7%
C) Unsure: 412 / 4.3%
D) Unwilling to tell you online: 1,220 / 12.7%
E) Not taking this poll: 48 / 0.5%
Total: 9,573

Webchat closed.

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Webchat live. 3:16:58am Central

I woke up not in a cold sweat. Yes, not. This is the difference between being I-minded and dissociated. It's clear that this is the end of humanity. And that something is causing it. Yes, I know it’s 3am and the glass is almost always half empty at this hour. (Or fully empty if you are out drinking. Ha!) Jokes aside, I know I’m having a 3am panic attack, but it's different from other panic attacks in the past when I was me. When I was inside my body and there was flight or fight.

This is more logical. A logical fear. No heart palpitations. No cold sweat. Just my brain whirring and whirring and crunching the data from earlier this evening. Or last night. Anyway, more than 9500 people took the webcast poll (see above) and 50% were self-dissociated, using the inaccurate vernacular.

The question, logical not emotional panic, is … what’s the real ratio? Does my webcast attract those of us who have been infected? Or an accurate slice of the population? In any case, this is feeling like pandemic and, if so, the human race is infected.

Without fight or flight, what will keep us alive? Without emotions what will make us defend our relationships, spouses, children, parents. This is a global philosophical or social experiment taking place and we’re part of it, unwillingly.

I see I have hundreds of followers online now. Unsure how long I will be here, and apologies for the typos (which will auto-correct) or rambling.

What would the human race be like if we were simply controlling our bodies instead of living in them … which is how I think I now see this. I can touch my body. I know it's mine. But it's a hunk of meat I can control with my mind or, as you know if you are dissociated, step away from.

But I cannot seem to control other bodies. Can anyone else out there do so? If so … do tell.

To be clearer: I can…
• control this body. The one I am using to type right now.
• control another body, but only when I am in this body and touching the other dissociated body. (Note: I have never tried it when the other mind was absent.)
• absent this body, which will oddly perform all the same functions as if I were in there. Makes no sense, though it's easy to tell it is mindless. Or easy for like-minds to tell.

Does this make you scared? As you normally do when you are afraid of death? Flop sweat afraid – as when your fear is as small as being pulled over by the police? Though for some, I recognize that’s a greater fear than the speeding ticket. Or just logically afraid as if understanding that this is a misfortune or has a very negative potential outcome.

Now 12,732 viewers. Hi all you late nighters! Or, perhaps, midday on your side of the globe.

So, why all the rambling? What is the point? Why the cold-sweatless panic? Because looking back at this webchat, when there were fewer followers during my scheduled times than there are now at an impromptu moment … Now 13,871. That was fast! … I said this was an alien invasion. And that we were on the wrong side of the Round-Up. (Which is weed killer that “kills the weeds and not the lawn" for those of you who do not know this brand.)

What else could it be? Seems too engineered to be a plague. No boils. No effluents. Just a clean break from selfism. What plague has ever had such a precision effect? Bells Palsy, perhaps. But that’s a virus that affects a single nerve. This affects the entire connection to our body.

Maybe Bells Palsy was the first test?

Now I am leaning towards conspiracy. Back to the point: When you are not attached to your body, why defend it? How can we work up fight or flight if our mind can survive the death of the body? If I were going to attack the earth as an alien invader, this would be perfect.

I know some have said this is the next stage of our evolution and we are now spiritually enlightened, floating spirits, as the science fiction books promised we’d find in the future. But what if this is Round-Up, that is, really the next step before being swept up and removed?

3am rambling… I get it. But back to the lack of cold sweat. This is logical … or as logical I can get at 3am without any sleep, which we seem to still need.

That’s it. No more thoughts here. See you at 8:11Cpm when I hope I’ll be clearer-minded and can type more quickly.

But I will leave you with this: If you were an invading force, which would you prefer? An I-minded population or a dissociated one? A population defending their whole selves from a ‘die and end’ mentality or one with an unattached mind to the bodies they control? As if they were fighting with avatars and not selves?

I’d choose the latter. Logically they would not value the loss as much. But, then again, the avatars would fight to the death. Even so…

See you at 8:11Cpm tonight.

One more thought, though, before I click off. I notice that I have adopted ‘I’ but am now talking about my body as a thing.

Webchat closed.

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Webchat live. 8:11:18am Central

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1) Touching an empty.

Today was a brave day, whatever that means. I met another like-mind (which feels better than self-dissociated) and asked her to absent her body while we touched.

The feeling was the same as if she were inside. One mind controlling two bodies. But the control felt more complete.

I asked her to reenter and she did. This confirmed the feeling. There was a bit of a delay, resistance. As if the control were passing through a circuit and not direct.

We tried entering each other’s bodies, but were unable. I was going to see what it felt like to connect a third body, but understood that there is now fear about like-minds. It’s hard for I-minds to tell who is self dissociated, full or empty, though it’s easy for us Like-minds to see empties.

This gave me hope from last night’s logical panic attack. If we are being Round-Upped (is that a word?) by pre-invasion aliens, we might be able to fight back by combining bodies. Unsure how. And that’s not the purpose of the webchat.

2) Germany, of course.

According to the news and a number of brave (Is this a word anymore?) readers, it appears Germany is finding like-minds and imprisoning them. Or killing them. Likely both.

I just learned this a few minutes ago, so I will look into it more, but if you are a viewer from Germany, please be careful. Whether you are like- or I-minded. Pogroms aren't very careful or particular. And, often, they provide a good excuse for those who want to remove people for other reasons.

In fact, be careful out there, everyone, wherever you are. There are videos of deaths in other countries. I’ll link some in a bit.

Webchat paused.

Pasting text.

Select only one response.

I am…

A) I-minded: 324,209 / 42.6%
B) Self-dissociated (“Like-Minded”): 266,323 / 35.0%
C) Unsure: 22,039 / 2.8%
D) Unwilling to tell you online: 76,398 / 10.0%
E) Not taking this poll: 72,040 / 9.4%
Total: 761,009

Poll open. I will leave it open for 5 minutes while I type.

Whoa! Nearly 700k people on here right now! I guess people are attracted by sleep-deprived 3am rambles.

Since the purpose of this website is to determine pandemic and there are plenty of websites who are researching the cure, the theories, and patient zero (if such a thing exists) there is not much more to cover on this webchat.

But I hate waiting games. So I will take this moment to look at the patient zero information. My validation was rescheduled for two days from now. They are falling behind, no doubt due to the employment & productivity issue many organizations are facing. That is, 1) empties are not very productive and 2) many people are simply not showing up to work.

So… the patient zero website still shows me as number 7 (Again, I am dot 317), but there are now 12,918 dots. As we know, unless many of you are clicking the wrong vote or we have a non-representative slice of society, which I greatly expect, but even if we are off by a factor of 100, there should be hundreds of millions of dots.

It turns out there is now a website of videos where people are beating (and killing) like-minds. This makes me angry but not scared. Unsure I have the capacity to be physically scared anymore … but I now see our five minutes are up.

Poll closed. More than 933k people on the webcast and 760k+ votes.

Either there is a smaller ratio of like-minds to I-minds than the last vote or many of you are hiding your true situation, which I should have expected that after the Germany and beatings news. Nearly 20% are now not picking a lane.

Webchat paused.

OK, I’m back. I needed to think a bit and now realize I have likely compromised the purpose and validity of this webchat. Had I stuck to my purpose, this would have still likely happened here, but not as quickly. Still, though, the primary purpose of this webchat was to determine if we were in an epidemic or pandemic and that purpose was served.

More to come tomorrow.

Be careful out there, but if you are in a safe place with three or more like-minds, please experiment with controlling two, three or more empties with one mind. Unsure what purpose this can serve, but I fear we will need it.

Webchat closed.

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Webchat live. 6:09:53am Central


They landed. As you know.

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END of Chapter One.