Veronica I : Ozzy

Veronica I : Ozzy
By Daniel Platz

It's been a long day at work. I have worked two nights in a row until midnight; my exhaustion made it hard to think straight which meant I screwed up more. I gave out the wrong drinks, wrong food. As I said, it's been a long day.

I step out of my car and walk to the front door of my apartment. I let out a sigh as my keys jingle as I walk. I hate when that happens it's so annoying, and everyone can hear you from practically a mile away. But before I even reach the door I hear him meowing. He meows like a baby, with that high pitched voice, and yet he is such a big cat!

"Yeah yeah, I'm coming to Ozzy just give me a moment K'?" I say through the door struggling to find the right key. But hearing my voice only furthers his excitement he meows even louder as if to say "Hurry up! Open the door! I want to see you! I haven't seen you all day!"

I turn the key and open the door. Ozzy is standing right there waiting for me. He rushes straight through my legs, I stagger back as it catches off guard, and he meows, even more, this time to say "Pick me up!" I laugh a little and say "Oh look who's excited to see me! Are you such a baby you know that right? Can't even handle being alone for a few hours?" I say as I reach to pick him up. I bury my face into his soft black fur , serving as a barrier between me and the world, to try and forget about the day.

He starts purring as soon as I pick him up. "Look at you, such a baby." I bring him over to the bed and sit down. I see the computer left open on the small table. "Probably a smart idea to check the schedule huh Ozzy? I hope I don't work with Mary, one more shift with her and I'll lose my mind." I say to Ozzy. I click down on the mouse pad, my screen flashes on and I see it.

I flinch as if I was hit by a brick, closing my eyes tightly. I had almost forgotten what happened. Brought back to reality by what I set my wallpaper as. Me and my Mom standing on a mountain in Kentucky. I see her, so vibrant and alive in the picture that it makes my heart hurt so bad. Tears start dripping down my eyes, I let my hair fall to block my eyes. Am I crying? I'm not sure; nothing makes sense, it couldn't have been real.

Ozzie looks up at me and meows, bringing me back to reality. It's as if he's saying "Hey what's wrong?" I bury my face in his fur and say "God, Ozzy I miss her so much... I can't believe it; I can't... Is she always been there ya know? And now... and now... she's" my voice drifts off, unable to utter those words.

It's a lie. None of it can be true. It didn't happen. She must be at home, with dad, probably baking a pie or something. It would be a cherry pie, cooked a little extra crispy, with ice cream too of course. She'll have made it from scratch and memory; she didn't- , doesn't, believe in recipes. Yeah, that's what she's doing, of course.

However, the recesses of my mind refute this idea. You're delusional, you know that's not true. Stop it, get it together! What's wrong with you?!? I think to myself. I'm hopeless. Useless. Pointless. I am nothing. What have I ever done with my life? I never took AP I never tried to go to college. I am a failure. And now, there's no one to care.

Suddenly Ozzy gets the idea to start squirming out of my arms, bringing me back to reality. "Not even you Ozzy? You don't want to stay with me? You don't care?" I say holding on even tighter, I know it's pathetic to be upset over a cat, but he's the only one I have. In the end, holding on is useless, this cat has spent many years practicing the art of being a worm. He breaks free and walks away. He leaves me to my thoughts once more.

I slowly place my hand on the back of the laptop screen and push it down; I can’t look at the computer any longer. I lay down on the bed staring at the light on the ceiling, taking in deep breathes in a futile effort to calm down until I burn my eyes and those weird little dot appears. Stop that. That's so childish how old are you now? 20? You're too old to do that. I shame myself for being so childish. That's all I ever do, screw around, I'm still just a child. I'm not ready for this.

Beep! Beep! My phones alert goes off. I close my eyes. I don't want to answer anyone right now. How many people mean it when they say they "Send their condolences." None of them. All of them so fake. None of them care. None of them can feel exactly how I feel. I have no reason to answer them.

BA DUH BUM! This time it's ringing. Probably, Jessica, she won't stop bugging me about how I feel. God, she bugs me lately. I know she's a good friend and all but she's useless right now. Aimless rage builds up in my chest. She's intruding too much; I need space can't she understand?

I sit up and grab the phone out of my pocket I answer to say "Stop calling me! I'm okay just leave me alone!" I drop the phone in shock when I hear his voice. "I'm sorry... I didn't mean to bother you..." My father’s voice echoes in my head.

I speak without thinking and I say "Oh my god dad I'm so sorry! I thought it was someone else! I'm so sorry dad..." Hehehe. World you think you're so funny huh? Karma for my blind rage I guess. You just love to do that. That's okay. I'll find a way to get back at your world.

"No no, it's fine... I was just calling to ask, would you want to come over dear? We could bake a cake or... or..." my dad stutters out.

"Yeah of course dad. I'll be right over okay?" I respond automatically. But then it hits me, but it's too late. My entire body drops as my will to fight vanishes.

The house without her will be empty, and lifeless. I don't know if I want to do this anymore. I know my dad needs support also... but I don't want to. I don't. I'm a horrible person for not wanting too. I should want to help others that's what mom would want. I'm selfish. I'm despicable. I don't deserve anything.

"Okay thank you. I'll see you soon. I love you" He says. "I love you too." And I hang up. I start laughing with bitterness, and slowly stop and ponder, what do I do? Do I just go or come up with an excuse? I don't know; I don't know. He needs me now. Sure you lost your mother, but he also lost his wife! You're horrible. Awful. Despicable. You don't even care for your father. I'm tired I can't do this.

This is all so screwed up; it shouldn't be this way. Things shouldn't happen like this. Why would the world face me with this decision? It's not fair; it's just not fair. God, please help me I don't know what to do. I don't know... I don't know... I curl into a ball and try to let the world go dark. I am crying. Sobs escape. Is this me? I'm not sure. Nothing makes sense