Barnyard Capers A DC Fable Episode III

"BarnYard Capers"
with
Barnyard Bully AmberHead & Goose-Stepping Grouchy Gander
in
"It's Looney Toons Time"
Episode III
by
Axel Christensen

Given the present mental state of our two practicing control freaks (fascists by any other name), I knew it was time to have some fun with AmberHead the Barnyard Bully & Goose-Stepping Grouchy Gander. I asked myself the following question: What would happen to these two practicing control freaks if they were committed to a mental institution (which is where they belong in the first place), for psychiatric evaluation/observation? It didn't take any research to discover "It's Looney Toons Time."


Episode III begins with a Barnyard update; This news flash just in moments ago; An all-points bulletin with an urgent warning for everyone to be on the lookout for what appears to be a rooster with its head cut off, squawking gibberish about being the "boss" and still in charge (of something?), running amuck near the vicinity of the barnyard. Apparently, this headless rooster is an escapee from the nearby Looney Bin, also known as the Nut House/Funny Farm/Booby Hatch/Lunatic Asylum, for retired and soon to be retired practicing control freaks (fascists by any other name).

The description of the escapee bears an uncanny resemblance to AmberHead of barnyard notoriety.
No word on what happened to his compatriot; another practicing control freak, equally notorious, Goose- Stepping Grouchy Gander, who apparently aided and abetted in AmberHead's escape from the Looney Bin earlier this morning, or late last night. Hmm, very suspicious for those familiar with other episodes of 'Barnyard Capers.'

An unconfirmed report alleges Grouchy Gander, wearing his favorite warthog disguise, entered the Looney Bin facility under the pretext of being a visiting relative of AmberHead. Hmm! Security must be lax, or blind, if they can't tell the difference between a goose disguised as a warthog, and a rooster with no head!

However, another unconfirmed report stated that before escaping from the Looney Bin, Grouchy Gander was being held against his will for psychiatric observation/evaluation. Apparently, Looney Bin authorities had been looking for Grouchy Gander for some time, unable to locate him. And here he walks in the front door asking for AmberHead. One of the security people recognized Grouchy Gander from his strange hair-cut; a lop-sided buzz cut, with stiff hair bristles, common among warthogs, but rare on geese.

This same security person was trying to verify if Grouchy Gander is the same sneaky goose that had been held at the Looney Bin several months ago, but escaped during a fire drill, or bed check, or both, without being noticed and hadn't been seen or heard of since, until yesterday, that is.

What a place, huh? Home, sweet home, or there's no place like home until you've left, and gone to visit the 'Wonderful Wizard of Oz,' as per Dorothy, and her dog Toto. Oh, oh! Wrong fable! Sorry about that!

The Looney Bin, also known as the Nut House/Funny Farm/Booby Hatch/Lunatic Asylum, was founded
by members of the local Humane Society, when they discovered they had an unusually high number of practicing control freaks (fascists by any other name) in their jurisdiction who were competing with one another for the title of "Who's the boss?" The Looney Bin was designed as an animal shelter. But this facility has housed some of the most notorious practicing control freaks since its opening years-ago. Most of the inmates incarcerated at the facility were being held for psychiatric observation/evaluation because of their inability and/or refusal to accept the fact they were no longer in charge, and never had been, and never will be in charge again, in perpetuity, eternally, ever after! The exception being those who continue to believe they're the chosen few almighty self-ordained omniscient overseer type bosses of everything, everyone, all the time, ad infinitum. But then reality has never been one of the better-known character traits of practicing control freaks. Just another one of those peculiar personality flaws of those few practicing control freaks (fascists by any other name) still at large, and obsessed with being in charge.

We're still waiting for confirmation, but if, in fact, the escapee is AmberHead, he was committed to the Looney Bin, also known as the Nut House/Funny Farm/Booby Hatch/Lunatic Asylum, only a few short weeks-ago. An investigation is under way to find out how he got there in the first place, and how he lost his amber head (not to mention his mind) this time. If our report is correct, AmberHead had successfully, avoided his monthly psychiatric evaluation simply by losing his head, or mind, again.

Several of the barnyard underlings have confirmed that AmberHead went ballistic (as in dementia praecox/non-compos mentis) when one of the underlings forgot to punch-in on the newly installed time-clock in the barnyard office. The time-clock was installed as a security measure to avoid further leaks of barnyard confidential information. No one is certain how effective the time-clock has been as a preventive measure for leaks. When asked about this, AmberHead referred all inquiries to Grouchy Gander, who in turn checked his little black fascist handbook before saying, "I'll have to get back to you on that." Such is the method of their madness when practicing control freak (fascists by any other name), are left in charge of the barnyard. "Welcome to 'It's Looney Toons Time' with AmberHead & Grouchy Gander."

According to reliable sources, AmberHead had been acting weirder before losing his head, at least more than usual, if that's possible. His Looney Bin records file is more formal, referring to the loss of his head as 'decapitation.' We're unsure if AmberHead lost his head first, or his mind. We're trying to find out exactly how and when he lost his ... was decapitated. At this moment in time no news is no news.

We do know this; AmberHead's dementia praecox/non-compos mentis went into ballistic mode, again, when he visited a middle school near the barnyard. AmberHead found several students sitting at a table in the school canteen speaking in a language he didn't understand. They were speaking Spanish of all things. That's enough to send any practicing control freak into a state of dementia praecox/non-compos mentis. AmberHead immediately accosted the students for speaking in a language foreign to him and the barnyard ... even though a teacher at this bi-lingual school had excused the students from class earlier to allow them to work on an independent study project for a barnyard extra-curricular program. AmberHead wondered why these students hadn't been deported from the barnyard, as per his executive order. His attempts to borrow a pencil to take names proved futile. Did AmberHead think these students were naive enough to give him their names, let alone a pencil? AmberHead made a mental note (highly irregular for him), to have this matter investigated by Head of Barnyard Security, as soon as he got back to his office..

AmberHead obviously didn't care what the teacher had assigned the students. He shooed them back to their classroom, much to the chagrin of the teacher who had excused them in the first place. She, in turn, chased the students back to the canteen to complete their original assignment. Apparently, the teacher had the audacity to ask AmberHead if he had taken his medication. If he hadn't, perhaps he should up the dosage, asap. Wherein, AmberHead went ballistic, again, as in dementia praecox/non-compos mentis. He told the teacher she should expect a visit from his Education Secretary, soonest. The teacher, knowing of the Secretary's incompetence in education, informed AmberHead to be sure to tell the Secretary to make an appointment as they are on a very busy schedule here at the school. Other- wise, she'll have to take her chances.

It wasn't until later the teacher was informed by an underling that AmberHead's medication wasn't a mood changer, but was used to grow feathers on a bald spot on the top of his amber color head. Teacher was later informed by another underling the bald spot medication did in fact alter AmberHead's mood. The teacher's patience and understanding was appreciated by all. Apology accepted by teacher and students.

Now, at the same time, another reliable source said Looney Bin authorities had received an anonymous
tip (those in the know, think Ornery Ol' Rooster provided the tip) that a rooster with its head cut off, answering to the description of AmberHead, was running amuck at a nearby middle school, while waiting for his Education Secretary to arrive to scold an insubordinate teacher. The anonymous message also requested Looney Bin authorities to send someone with an expertise in diagnosing mental cases to evaluate the irrational behavior being exhibited by the rooster with its head cut off, which in fact, turned out to be AmberHead. Aha, maybe that's how AmberHead ended up at the Looney Bin for psychiatric evaluation/observation! But where and when and how did he lose his ... was AmberHead decapitated?

And I wonder what happened to the Education Secretary when she arrived at the school to find Amber- Head had been taken away in a straight-jacket? Possibly, without his head! I wonder if the insubordinate teacher had time to educate the Education Secretary on middle school curriculum, student performance, particularly in foreign languages? I wonder if the Education Secretary understands Spanish?

If all this is true, then there is trouble, trouble with a capital T, brewing in the barnyard. Grumbling from the barnyard underlings is a sure sign of discontent amongst the assemblage. If you recall Episode II ended with several unresolved questions; Did AmberHead discover who sent those anonymous messages? Did the answer to this question push him over the edge, as in wacko? Was the guilty culprit of these dastardly deeds the one and only Ornery Ol' Rooster? Or the former Head of the Barnyard? Or was it all those unresolved problems from AmberHead's past that accelerated his dementia praecox/non-compos mentis? Is AmberHad aware the following personality disorders are not uncommon among practicing control freaks?

1- Constant and unexplained changes in barnyard schedules and/or bowel movements.
2- Constant monitoring/checking of underlings and their activities, including bowel movements.
3- Constant and unexplained meetings/inquisitions with underlings, and others
he manages to coerce into attending all the insipid, as in absurd, meetings.
4- Constant and unexplained busy work/nonsense imposed on all underlings.
5- Constant, as in repetitious squawking "I'm the boss! And you're not!" in his
sleep, even when there's no one else in the room, or within earshot.
6- Constant and continuous obsession with being-in-charge of everyone,
everything, all the time, etc. ... including communal bowel movements.

As mentioned previously, it is suspected, but not yet proven, that Ornery Ol' Rooster may have had something to do with AmberHead being committed to the Looney Bin, also known as the Nut House/ Funny Farm/Booby Hatch/Lunatic Asylum, for psychiatric observation/evaluation. Looney Bin authorities, confirmed that they followed standard operating procedure for handling retired and/or out of control practicing control freaks when they've gone ballistic (as in dementia praecox/non-compos mentis). Although, Ornery Ol' Rooster has never returned to the barnyard, much of what has transpired over the past few days and weeks has his 'modus operandi' stamped all over it. Or maybe the former Head of the barnyard is somehow involved. Wait! Hold everything!

This update just in only moments-ago; AmberHead & Grouchy Gander have been apprehended while trying to burrow beneath the fence surrounding barnyard site. I didn't realize roosters could burrow. Ah, yes, but warthogs can, can't they? Grouchy Gander must have been wearing his favorite warthog disguise. Apparently, AmberHead & Grouch Gander were trying to surreptitiously re-enter the barnyard and seize control, again, by tunneling underground to avoid detection by barnyard security. Isn't that a criminal offense? We'll soon find out.

According to this report; AmberHead & Grouchy Gander are presently trapped in the tunnel they've dug, unable to go forward, or backward. How about that? Two practicing control freaks (fascists by any other name) stuck in a web of their own intrigue, so to speak. Is that poetic justice for all the underlings at the barnyard, or what? Until next time, then, in the profound words of Porky Pig of Looney Toons fame, "Tha.. Tha... That's all, folks!" And on that note we close Episode III of Barnyard Capers.

The moral of this fable, if there is one; when the inmates start running the asylum it's time to move on down the road. And so, ends the silly tale of AmberHead the Barnyard Bully & Goose-Stepping Grouchy Gander. May they rest in peace.