Passing

         First came the sputtering, a baby making those tiny little spit bubbles the first time they realize they can, but the soft, quiet sputtering slowly became thunderous gasps, slow and painfully deliberate. The bedside lamp filled the room with light as i slid the switch. Those loud gasps were spaced further apart now, but deeper, as if she'd just ran a marathon, her chest heaving with every ragged breath. The gasps slowly grew shallower and shallower and further apart still until her last breath passed between her lips. I waited to hear another, hoping that she was gone, but also hoping desperately that she wasn't.
         The silence that took over then was absolutely deafening, so loud that I couldn't hear myself think. I needed to remember just to breathe, but it was as if my lungs had collapsed. I stared at the shell of the woman in the bed in silence as my eyes filled with tears and my grandmother grabbed my hand wailing, tugging at me, and I didn't struggle. I wrapped my arm around her heaving shoulders and held her close as she cried into my chest. There was no consoling her and I didn't try to.
         I fought to keep my tears back as I released her and promised her that I'd be right back after I went and woke my brother and stepfather. She gave me a weak nod, sobbing as she clasped her hands over her mouth and as soon as I was out the door, my dam broke loose and the tears flooded my face. I took the steps two at a time and before I knew it, I was swinging the door open to my brother's room with tears streaming down my face. He looked up at me confusedly for a moment, his eyes adjusting to the light and swore as he threw the covers back and rushed past me, not needing an explanation.
         My stepfather was not so easy to rouse. I barged into his room and banged on the dresser top and he looked to me with eyes angry from being woken up until he noticed my face was damp and my eyes were the color of a fire engine. I left the room to call my aunt and uncle to give them the news and to regain my composure so I could remain in control of the situation. I went back downstairs to find my brother knelt, weeping by our fallen mother, holding her cold, quickly-hardening hand. I knelt beside him and stroked his back as our stepfather came in, then I helped him up and out of the way so that the man could hobble by with his cane.
         I pulled my brother from the room to give my stepfather and my grandmother some time with her and ran up the stairs and out onto the patio. My brother wiped his face as he took the cigarette I offered him along with my lighter. We each exhaled huge clouds of smoke as he dialed his best friend to give him the news, who was quickly on his way with his girlfriend in tow to support my brother in his time of need.