And In the End

This is not fiction. Real life is usually more interesting. I wouldn't impinge on God's will in that way. He is in charge.

I knew that flu doesn't usually stick around for over six weeks. My first inclination was that I had a deep sinus infection. During the dozen years I taught school, I picked up many student germs, and despite my best medical efforts, I would end up fighting a viral or bacterial sinus infection. Although I'd been around no sick kids, I figured history was just repeating itself, with a twenty year break between outbreaks.

The blood test results will be in tomorrow, Monday. If I don't have a virus or bacteria wearing me down, it's a tumour. My PCP admitted that to me.

I have felt some of the symptoms associated with a brain tumour. I had double vision and other seeing difficulties. I have headache that never leaves. My hearing is affected, and my lack of balance has caused me to fall walking, and while sleeping in my bed.

I expected something, if I allowed myself pessimism, because my father died shortly after his 62nd birthday. I turned 62 in December. I told myself I could shake my intuition if I were okay into March. I'm not wishing for death, but there's a strange emotional cloud surrounding me.

I'm not writhing in pain, but I have pains that don't leave my body, and I've had a low grade fever for six weeks. I can feel an unusual and uncomfortable area in my forehead. I would like to be wrong, but I may be diagnosed with a brain tumor before this week ends.

Whatever God has given me, I just hope to maintain my dignity.