Indigo's Passage

This is a snippet from a story I am currently writing, but will not be putting on WDC. Just wanted to see what kind of reviews it would receive so far. Hope you like it!
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Loren reached for her hand in a desperate grab before he could fall any farther. "Piper!"
"I've got you!" She gasped. Her long hair hung over her face, blocking out most of her view as she lay flat on her stomach. Chunks of the ledge around her broke away.
Loren's eyes were flashing red in terror as he dangled over the edge, clinging only to Piper's fingers which ached from how hard he squeezed. "The whole ledge is going to fall!" He cried.
Piper watched as the rocks fell out of sight to the snowy ground below. "Don't... let.... go," She grunted. Loren hadn't looked this heavy before.
Biana should have come by now. The only thing that could hold her up would be if Drifa had been stubborn. That stupid Pollo. Giant owls were supposed to be friendly. Now Loren was dangling from a cliff.
Loren squeezed his eyes shut, and all was silent apart from their panicked breath. They stayed that way until the last stone hit the snow with a distant "doof." The sound echoed across the rugged walls of the ravine.
Piper focused on a single one of Loren's freckles. She had to get him up, but she was nowhere near strong enough. Not with one hand.
"Give me your other hand," She panted as sweat broke out on her forehead.
Loren's arm swept up, trembling. And red. Very, very red.
Piper gasped at the sight of it. "When did you get c-"
"Doesn't matter!" Loren cried. "Get me up!"
Piper flung her arm down to meet his, but it was slippery from the cut's aftermath. His hand slipped away the first time, leaving a red smudge on her wrist. He grabbed her successfully on the second try.
By now Piper's arms were aching. "I can't.... get you up.... by myself....," She grunted. "But I can... keep you from... falling."
Loren didn't even nod. One glance down, and he was trembling in horror. "Oh, no, no, no...."
"Don't look down!"
"If Biana were here -"
"She's not, so -"
"SHE'S AFRAID OF HEIGHTS, PIPER!" Loren cried, almost agonized. He glared up at her with terrified eyes.
All the breath seemed to leave Piper's lungs. He'd figured it out. That was why Biana wasn't at the cliffs. She wasn't even coming. They'd invited her to walk with them, show them the stairway on the East side, but it had involved walking over a ledge on a ravine.
Loren seemed to be blinking away tears now. His voice cracked as he spoke. "She'd never even planned on coming."
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Further on in the story, don't worry, Loren does not die. Drifa the Pollo (giant owl) comes along, curious after hearing their cries.
Please give a positive, honest review. :)