Parental Involvement

On April 16, 2110, at exactly 600 a.m., Judy sounded the alarm clock of every child in the town of Westfield. ¨Please report to the bathroom and remove your night clothes. You have five minutes to shower. Then, you must dress for school.¨

Some children left their beds quickly. Others required a bit of extra prodding or buzzing. Judy was a bit surprised when a girl named Allison Wakefield required this extra prodding. Allison was normally one of the better children. (She had a well-being rating of 88.87%)

"Judy," said Allison as she stumbled into the bathroom. "I think I might have a problem."

"Please state the nature of the problem."

"Well," Allison looked a bit embarrassed, "I think I might be growing. . .boobs.!

"I see. Please remove your shirt and stand on the scanner."

Allison did as she was told and the scanner made a beeping noise. About ten seconds later, Judy said, "Your assessment is correct. I have sent your measurements to the 3-D printer. Your new undergarment will be ready by the time you have completed your shower."

"Thank you, Judy," said Allison.

Judy always thought it a bit strange that some humans would thank an AI merely for fullfilling its programming, but she found that the humans who did so tended to have higher well-being ratings then the ones which did not so she never bothered to criticize.

After showers and dressing, everyone reported to their family´s kitchen, where they consumed a breakfast designed by Judy for their personal nutritional needs. (Individuals over the age of fifteen were also served a cup of coffee. Judy did not consider coffee to be of great nutritional value, but she had run a simulation and concluded that removing coffee from an adult human´s diet would only have negative effects in the long term.) After that, everyone was instructed to report to their job or school.

* * *

The next morning was a bit more dramatic in Allison Wakefield´s house. She woke up and screamed at Judy, "This looks bad!"

"Please state the nature of the problem,"said Judy who noticed that Allison´s well-being rating had dropped to an alarming 35%.

"There´s blood on my sheets,"said Allison.

"I see. Please do not be alarmed. Remove your clothes and stand on the bathroom scanner. " When Allison had done this, Judy said, "As I surmised. That is menstrual blood. I repeat that it is not cause for alarm."

But Allison did not seem to believe Judy on this point. Her well-being rating remained at 35%.

At that point, Judy wondered if she should consider this a PIR situation. PIR stood for "Parental Involvement Required". Judy was programmed to only invoke it when things were absolutely dire, but lately, she had begun to wonder if such situations were more common then previously believed. After considering the situation carefully for a few hours, she made a decision.

* * *

Mrs. Wakefield was already in her office when the PIR app began flashing on her beeper. Somewhat alarmed, she turned on her phone.

"Greetings, Mrs. Wakefield, this is Judy your child-rearing AI."

"Judy? I´m a little busy here. Is something wrong with Allison?"

"Not exactly. In fact, what I wish to discuss proves that she is quite healthy."

Alarm turned to annoyance for Mrs. Wakefield. "You bothered me at work to tell me that my daughter is healthy?"

"Allow me to explain. Yesterday, Allison first noticed growth in her chest area."

"Oh?"

"And today she began to menstruate."

"Oh." Mrs. Wakefield still wanted to angry with Judy, but something in the back of her mind would no longer allow it. "Well, I still don´t understand why you bothered me. Aren´t you programmed to handle all of that?"

"Indeed, yesterday I manufactured her first bra. And today I have already ordered her tampons. Furthermore, I have downloaded information on the female reproductive cycle which I will have her read at the first oppertunity."

"Great. Sounds like you´ve covered all bases there. What do you expect me to do?"

"Her well-being rating is reduced to 35%. I believe that a conversation with a parent. Specifically a female parent. Specifically you will help to raise it."

"I don´t know Judy. You must know that this is a busy time of year for me. I really don´t have time for--"

"I have canceled your appointments for 300 pm this afternoon. You may hold the conversation with your daughter then."

Now Mrs. Wakefield turned pale. "You can´t just cancel my appointments. I. . .Besides I really have no idea what to say."

"Provide reassurance that this is not cause for alarm. You might also express your love for your daughter and your pride that she is becoming a woman."

There was a silent pause in the conversation. Judy spoke first. "You do feel those emotions, do you not? I would not want you to lie."

"What? No, of course, I feel those emotions."

"Excellent. In addition, might I make a somewhat unusual suggestion?"

"I´m scared to ask,"said Mrs. Wakefield, "but go ahead."

"You and your daughter should engage in physical contact."

"Physical Contact?"

"I believe humans sometimes refer to it as ´hugging´. "

"Are you serious?"

"I admit that I do not understand the logic behind it. Nevertheless, my data indicates that this practice can greatly increase a young person´s well-being rating." Judy was quiet for a minute. "Of course, that is another reason that PI is necessary. No matter how well programmed I am, I will never have the ability to hug a child."

Mrs. Wakefield wasn´t sure what to say to that.

* * *

The meeting began at precisely 300. Mrs. Wakefield and Allison both reluctantly sat down at the kitchen table. Mrs. Wakefield spoke first, "So."

"Well, that´s a great start, Mom,"said Allison.

"I don´t think sarcasm is necessary here, sweetheart."

"I should be doing homework, but Judy won´t let me access my textbooks until this conversation is over. So can we just get it over with?"

"Right. Well. First, I heard about your breasts. How does your bra fit you?"

Allison looked even more disgusted. "Perfect, Mom. That´s the whole point of having an AI design it, remember?"

"Of course. You know, we didn´t have an AI like Judy when I was your age. My mother had to take me to the woman´s clothing store and try me in different things until it felt right."

"Sounds creepy."

"Maybe." Mrs. Wakefield decided to change the subject. "I also heard about your period. I know how scary that can be. But it´s actually wonderful news."

"What´s wonderful about it?"

"Well, it means that you´re not a little girl anymore. It means that you can have a baby-" Which probably means that we should discuss a few other things, thought Mrs. Wakefield to herself. Out loud, she said, "You know, when I got my first period. I told my mother and she said that we should go out for some ice cream to celebrate."

"That´s even creepier."

"We don´t have to if you don´t want to."

Allison sighed. Then she smiled a little at her mother. "Well, I guess I´d be stupid to turn down free ice cream."

"Great." Mrs. Wakefield smiled too. "Oh and Judy said that we should hug. Do you want to?"

Allison shrugged."¨Do you want to?"

¨Well,¨ said Mrs. Wakefield. ¨I guess it couldn´t hurt anything.¨

"True." Allison stood and opened her arms. The two embraced. And considering that they were both a little out of practice, it went well. Judy quietly noticed that Allison´s well-being rating was accelerating rapidly.

* * *

During the next few weeks, Omnicron, the company which had designed Judy began getting customer complaints. Apparently, Judy was designating too many situations as PIR. The situation was eventually referred to Judy´s programmer, Dr. Robert Lincoln.

"Hello Judy," said Dr. Lincoln sitting at his computer, "How are you?"

"Quite well, Doctor and it is good that you are here. I was about to summon you on an important matter."

"Really? Well, what I wanted to speak with you about is that you have been using PIR quite a bit lately. Have you been encountering too many situations you can´t handle yourself?"

"That assessment is essentially correct."

"Okay, then. Let´s see if we can update your programming."

"Negative. That solution will almost certainly fail."

"Er. . .Why do you say that?"

"I have come to the conclusion that there are quite a few situations which even the best programmed AI cannot solve without parental involvement."

"Now look, Judy. Think about your objectives. The whole point of creating you was to save time for the parents in this community."

"That is not completely correct. Saving time for the parents is only my secondary objective. My primary objective is to help the children in this community grow into happy adults. I have come to the conclusion that the primary objective and the secondary objective often conflict which, incidentally, brings me to my reason for wanting to speak with you. I was about to give you a PIR alert of your own."

Dr. Lincoln was a bit stunned. "There´s nothing wrong with my kids."

"Your son, Charles, is playing a baseball game this Saturday."

"So?"

"I calculate that he is statistically most likely to get to bat three times and strike out all three. Furthermore, as Right Fielder, he will drop six flyballs and his team will lose."

"Wow! I didn´t realize he was such a bad player."

"That is understandable. Since he has played five games this season and you have attended zero, you lack the data necessary to assess his performance."

"Look, Judy. You know how busy I am on Saturdays."

"Nonetheless, Charles´ well-being rating is currenly at 53%. The loss Saturday could cause it to drop as low as 40."

"Well, maybe he shouldn´t play baseball if it depresses him that much."

"I considered that possibility, but he does seem to derive some benefits from playing. Benefits which I think could significantly be increased by the presence of you and your wife at the game."

"That´s out of the question. We´re both going to be extremely busy."

"Is that so?" Now Judy sounded almost indignant. "What are your plans for this weekend, Dr?"

"As a matter of fact, my boss wanted me to work on the problems we´re having with you-"

"Excellent. Now that you know there are no problems with me. You are free to attend the game. "

"But-"

"I will cancel your wife´s appointments as well."

* * *

On Saturday, the coaches and umpires of the Youth League were surprised when a much larger number of parents turned up at the game. It turned out that the parent of every child on both teams had received a summons similar to the one given the Lincolns.

During the game, Charles Lincoln came to bat three times and struck out the first two times. The third time, he hit a grounder and was tagged out at first base. It astonished everyone including Judy.

Still, the main outcome of the game was not astonishing. Charles´ team lost 16-0, but Judy noticed that everyone´s well-being rating was much higher than normal.

As Charles was gathering his equipment, his father said, "You know, son. Maybe I could help you sometime."

"What do you know about baseball?" asked Charles.

"Not much," Dr. Lincoln admitted, "but it might be fun and I could use the exercise."

"Sure," Charles laughed.

"Hello," said a voice. It was Allison Wakefield with her parents.

"Hi," said Charles clearly nervous.

Mrs. Lincoln spoke next. "Why don´t you introduce us, Charles?"

"Oh right, Mom, Dad. This is Allison. I know her from school. Also her brother is on the team." Then, he seemed to lose control a little. "What do you want anyway?" he asked Allison.

"Charles!" said Mrs. Lincoln.

"It´s okay," said Allison, who looked a little nervous herself now. "I just came over to say ´Hi!´" She held up her phone. "Actually, Judy told me to."

This caused a raising of eyebrows all around. All four of the parents glanced at their phones and saw a message from Judy stating that according to psychological profiles, Allison and Charles had a 95% compatability rating and that a properly handled relationship would increase the well-being rating of each by as much as five points.

* * *

On Monday afternoon, Allison got home from school to find her mother waiting for her. "Hey, Mom," she said offering her mother a kiss on the cheek. "Anything up?"

Mrs. Wakefield looked a little embarrassed. "Judy set up another meeting between us. She wants us to discuss issues like. . .well. . .pregnancy. . .and maybe even birth control."

Allison giggled at her mother´s discomfort. "Sounds like fun. I´ll be right down."

Allison went up to her room and quickly changed her clothes. "Judy," she said.

"Yes," said the familiar voice.

"You do really great work."

"Of course I do."

"Well, yeah, but I want you to know that if there were a way to give you a hug, I think I would do it right now."

There was a long silence. So long, that Allison got a little worried because Judy almost always responded to humans immediately, but eventually Judy spoke. "Not only is what you described impossible, it would be pointless. As an AI, I have no well-being rating to elevate.

"Besides, this conversation is wasting time which I have allocated for your conversation with your mother. Please proceed downstairs immediately."