JODY WALLAH

         The reader of this column writes to tell me that among certain Indians, tacking on the ending 'ji', to 'denote respect, is greatly favored now, so that pundits now have become punditji. Will this spread? Will I become a consultantji? A cookji, or chefji, or even souschefji? And shall I call you 'dear readerji'?

         Time to head this idea off at the pass. As I wrote about pundits "LANGUAGE MARCHES ON" , I wondered what had become of the wallah? While my dictionary tells me a wallah can be a servant or a worker, I prefer the other definition, which is a "master or owner". I had always wanted to have the words "Tax Wallah" on my business card.

         It certainly sounds better and more dignified, if not professional, than 'Tax Pundit', especially now when I am threatened with becoming a tax punditji. Realistically, however, 'wallah' will never become popular because the word indicates too much of the common. Punditry is handed down by Brahmans, and Brahmans may be many things, but they are never common.

         Common is Jody. You know who Jody is, don't you? Jody is the villain of marching songs, the man who steals your girl.

Ain't no use of going home
Jody's got your girl and gone

At least I think Jody was a man. I'd doubt that Sergeant Amos was singing about some woman stealing my girl.

         Sergeant Amos used to write lots of neat lyrics:

Head and eyes up off the ground
Ain't no discharge lyin 'round

That was the verse to "The Fort Jackson Boogie, What a Cray-zee Sound". He also had a Fort Gordon Boogie and a Fort Benning Boogie, and people on the West Coast told me there was a Fort Lewis Boogie. Sergeant Amos must have gotten around that man's Army.

         I know what you with smutty minds are thinking, but this 'discharge' referred to your divorce papers from Uncle Sam. Marching one day in the Fall of '66 with Third Platoon, Delta Company, First Battalion, First Brigade I was amazed when Private Laskowski broke ranks and raced over to a piece of litter. He picked it up and shouted for all he was worth, "YOU'RE WRONG, THIS IS A DISCHARGE."

         I've always believed some barracks humor lightens your day, and note, I gave you full particulars to my posting just in case somewhere, someday, someone might want me to punditize and a background check be done. As I face the camera, the last thing I would want to hear is the host saying, "Liar, Liar, Your Pants Are On Fire."

         Well, actually it wasn't Laskowski but some guy whose name I can't quite remember and probably couldn't spell if I could. I remember he wore glasses, if that is any help, and his name began with "L" too. I do wonder who wrote his material, probably a joke wallah from Queens.

         Jody was common but Sergeant Amos was a Brahman, a true punditji of marching songs. Besides the many boogies, and the "Jody" song, there was "Liza Jane" and "Sound Off." How could one resist setting down the left foot after the right while singing one of those ditties?

         I searched the Internet but he does not have a web-site. Famous Amos and his cookies are there, as is Amos Alonzo Stagg, Tori Amos and Amos and Andy. For diversion, Amo Houghton has a site. I wonder if Amas and Amat were his relatives. As for Sergeant Amos, he seems to have gone back to obscurity.

         After I wrote the last paragraph and went back to the search results and looked under web pages, there was this 'disturbance in the force.' A hazy memory came flooding back to me of the Lieutenant announcing one day that Sergeant Amos had been killed in Vietnam, and I cannot separate what is fact from what might be imagination. Did it really happen? I don't know and have no way to prove or disprove it short of traveling to Washington to see if his name is on the wall.

         Traveling in the memory can put us on slippery slopes. Do we turn in the direction of the skid, or in the direction we want to go? The pundits and wallahs haven’t a clue.