Extract
1, in which Sedgewick arrives at Blindefellows...
It
was midday on the 31st
August, and the new History teacher had arrived at Blindefellows,
former charity school for poor blind boys, now a second division
private school for anyone who could pay. Twenty-six year old Charles
Sedgewick gingerly carried one little cardboard box at a time into
his assigned rooms in Loaghtan Wing, nervously avoiding the oddly
prominent incisors of a flock of a few dozen minature black sheep
that jostled around him. They'd been there for generations, deployed
by the school's founder to crop the grass of the grounds, and were
now trotting alongside him, baaing for a possible treat. Sedgewick,
who sported tortoiseshell-rimmed glasses and unkempt wavy black hair,
had selected a casual outfit suitable for heavy lifting on his
arrival - Bermuda shorts, buckled sandals and an orange tee shirt
he'd grown out of which rode up as he carried the boxes, revealing
the loose musculature of his midriff.
The
Deputy Head, Reverend Beaulieu Hareton and William Japes, the Physics
master, watched from one of the Neo-Gothic leaded-glass windows of
the Oak Room as Sedgewick, assisted by a middle-aged couple, the
female of whom kept referring to him as "Charl",
omitting the es, ponderously unpacked a purple Austin Allegro Estate.
"Are
those his parents he's brought with him? Are you sure about this
one, Bunny?" Japes asked.
"Please,
Japes, you know I don't like being called that now that we're
grown ups," Bunny reminded him. "Yes, I believe those are
his parents and yes, I am quite sure about Sedgewick. He lives and
breathes History; it's his life."
"Mm,
I can tell and that's precisely the problem," Japes sighed.
"I'll go and see him tomorrow. Help him to get settled."
"Settled?"
Bunny glanced at him, revealing a tinge of anxiety. There was nothing
settled about Japes. With his receding sandy, brylcreamed hair, a
mischevious twinkle in his hazel eyes, and an ironic smile ever
playing about his lips, he had the look of a vampiric sprite. An
ex-military man, he was always dapper with a silk handkerchief in the
lapel pocket of his brass-buttoned blazers, which showed off his
still powerful torso. Despite having now turned forty, his circle of
lady friends was ever-growing and he displayed not the faintest
flicker of ever getting settled himself.
Extract
2, in which Sedgewick is taken hostage...
And
so, at 4 pm on the third day of the siege, with Bunny and Japes
waiting in the yard below, Sedgewick tentatively made his way up the
fire escape with a hefty basket of provisions in one hand and a white
flag in the other. The boys watched his ascent from the windows and
unbolted the fire exit door for him.
"Welcome,
Mr. Sedgewick!" McDowell called out cheerily as two boys patted him
down for weapons. Sedgewick smiled back awkwardly trying to get into
the spirit of things.
"I
come bearing gifts and the olive branch of peace," Sedgewick
recited his rehearsed opening line.
"Looks
more like the white flag of surrender to me, Mr. Sedgewick,"
McDowell quipped. Sedgewick had never seen him so bright and good
humored.
The
boys accepted the gifts, but Sedgewick could see they were hardly
starving. They had a camping stove set up and a neat stack of the
field rations from the vast backlog of these which had accumulated in
Cadet Club hut over the years. It was clearly a very well-planned
operation and Sedgewick found he couldn't help but be impressed. The
Flock had also been properly catered for. There were a few large
sacks of porridge oats, presumably purloined from the refectory
stores and the little sheep seemed happy enough pottering around the
library and occasionally nibbling the odd bit of leather binding off
the antiquarian books Fairchild was carrying on about.
McDowell
and Wood read the letter Bunny had prepared. After ten minutes of
quiet discussion, they strode back over to Sedgewick. He thought
they looked like commandos from some paramilitary guerilla force and
he suddenly felt terribly important being the mediator.
"We
are pleased with the progress thus far, Sir," Wood said formally.
"We have had confirmation from our contacts on the outside that the
installation of central heating and improved hot water is genuine and
not a ruse. For this, we are truly grateful and will release all the
wethers in the Flock as a gesture of good will. We are also pleased
to learn that fagging is being addressed."
"So
am I, Wood, so am I," Sedgewick nodded, "though I doubt that
after what you and McDowell have managed here that any of the current
Sixth Formers would've been likely to try it on with either of you
again."
"Why
thank you, Sir, always a pleasure to be complimented by a fair and
reasonable adult such as yourself, " McDowell chimed in. "However,
the issue of improving school food is nowhere near being resolved so,
in lieu of the wethers, we have decided to take you hostage until
Reverend Hareton gets his skates on and sorts it out."
"What?"
Sedgewick said, suddenly frightened and glancing about for somewhere
to run.
"No
need to be concerned," McDowell added, "you will be given
adequate food and we have sanitation in the form of the staff toilet
just off the librarian's office."
"However,
if you try to escape," warned Wood, "we will secure you in the
broom cupboard adjacent to that facility."
"You
are now free to wander the library with The Flock," McDowell
indicated. "Dinner will be at eighteen hundred hours."
"Dinner?"
Sedgewick looked at the hay and oats stationed on the bookcase above
his allotted area with his fellow hostages.
"No,
no, not that! You're a VIP - a Very Important Prisoner - you
get to eat what we eat, baked beans with mini sausages," McDowell
gestured towards the pile of cans, "with currant buns for dessert.
Thank you for those, by the way, much appreciated."
McDowell
called down to Bunny and Japes to inform them of the new state of
play.
"Something
of an adventure for the Shropshire lad," Japes chuckled.
"Would
you find it so humorous, Japes, if it were you they had interned up
there? And possibly for some time, too as I presently have no idea
where can I get a decent chef capable of bringing round our
refractory refectory for the salary we can afford to pay."
Meanwhile,
Sedgewick was noting that with the wethers released, The Flock had
split into two distinct factions. A group of three young rams stood
apart in the Theology section. They would, without any visible cause,
suddenly stand on their hind legs and drift into a clacking of petite
horns with each other, ten or so clacks at a time, until one of them
caved in and went off for a lie down. The other faction consisted of
the chief ram Vivian and the ewes, who resided in the History
section. Sedgewick sat midway between the two groups, in one of the
library's few commodious reading chairs, having selected from the
valuable books the school's copy of the rare signed first edition of
the Second Volume of Gibbon, the one dealing with the actual fall of
Rome, to which Fairchild had hitherto refused him access. Ironically,
in this position of rare privilege, he couldn't read as much as a
paragraph with worrying whether he'd be holed up here for a week, or
perish the thought, until the Christmas holidays, and the anxiety
he'd be sure to cause his parents when their only child failed to
turn up in Bridgnorth for Yuletide. The false optimism of 'it'll
all be over by Christmas' made him shudder. Vivian arose from
History section and the ewes followed suit, taking a turn around the
library, tailed by the young rams from Theology at an edgy distance.
The
ten boys who comprised the Lambton Library siege force played cards,
read the papers and periodically worked themselves up with what they
called their anthem, "Anarchy in the UK", played far too loud.
This they would accompany with a form of dancing with which Sedgewick
was unfamiliar, in which they would bounce up and down as if on
pogo-sticks and occasionally slam into one another. It brought back
to him a memory he preferred to forget of his university girlfriend,
Phoebe, whom he had taken for a person as respectable as himself,
jumping about and throwing off her clothes to a song aptly named
"Dazed and Confused" after she'd smoked a funny cigarette in
the bathroom. He shook his head in dismay at the recollection. In
the evening, after a plate of beans, the boys gave Sedgewick a
suspicious smelling sleeping bag from the cadet store room and he did
his best to settle down at lights out on the cracked leather seat
cushions of the three reading chairs which he'd laid out in a row.
Unfortunately they would slither apart on the polished oak
floorboards each time he turned. Moonlight streamed in through the
stained glass windows illuminating the young blind boys depicted
there. What had become of this school over the course of the
centuries? Sedgewick wondered. Once a kindly place, a refuge for the
blind, now a hotbed of anarchy grown out of inadequate heating and
sloppy meals. What would Hezekiah Lambton, that humble sheep-shearer
turned philanthropic wool merchant have made of it all? Had he,
Sedgewick, done the school a favour by helping the Major on his way
and bringing in this new Age of Bunny? Guiltily, he rather thought
he had. The school chapel bell struck two. Unlike the boys at the
other end of the library, it just wasn't possible for him to sleep on
the library floor, especially given the regular rising and falling
buzz of Vivian's senescent ovine snoring. He'd tried to sleep on the
chair but that also wasn't possible, as a rule. He longed for his own
bed and fretted over the classes he wouldn't be able to teach the
next day. They were up to the reign of the Boy King, Richard II, in
Lower Fourth Medieval History and he feared that in his absence the
Peasants' Revolt would be misconstrued and the boys would wind up
misguidedly siding with the peasants. He wondered about tiptoeing
over to the fire exit, ever so quietly unlatching the door and
leaving whilst the youthful commandos slept. It took an hour or so
before he was able to pluck up the courage to wriggle out of the
rather neat sleeping bag, and start his tip-toeing progress across
the library. Vivian's head shot up and the ram's marble eye gleamed
at him, his teeth looking more like an angry leer than a smile in the
moonlight. Sedgewick continued and just as he was about to unlatch
the door, Vivian gave his game away with a hideous rumbling baa.
Three boys were on him in no time, and he was tossed into the broom
cupboard, the door locked behind him, where he sat miserably atop an
upturned zinc mop bucket bemoaning his impetuous folly.
Extract
3, in which Sedgewick turns entrepreneur...
"Gentlemen,
Matron Ridgeway let us make a start. The first item on the agenda is
the future of The Flock, who have grazed the greensward of
Blindefellows for almost four hundred years. True, they have their
drawbacks, one of them being the expense of keeping them in the
present lean times, but before we put them to the vote, one of our
younger masters has had an idea as to how The Flock can potentially
pay its own way and eventually even turn a small profit for their
alma-mater." Fairchild stiffened in his chair and his foetal
features congealed into his favourite formation of disdainful
disbelief. "So, without further ado, would you like to enter now,
Mr. Sedgewick?"
Japes
nudged Matron Ridgeway and all heads were turned to the door. After
wrestling with the door knob for a few moments as he was now wearing
latex gloves, Sedgewick made his grand entry. He was dressed in
white overalls and apron, his hair was in a white mop cap and he wore
a white surgical mask. The Oak Room erupted into raucous laughter.
Fairchild, reassured that this was no more than a comic turn, joined
in and became a more mellow shade of pink.
"How
can Charles make a joke out of the slaughter of those sweet animals?"
Matron Ridgeway snapped to Japes over the laughter, with which Japes
himself was contributing to.
"Just
wait, Marion, just wait," was all Japes could manage to say.
Bunny,
smiling, allowed them to be softened up for a few more seconds of fun
before they got down to business. "Well, Mr. Sedgewick, what a
surprise, come along and stand here between Swainson and myself at
the head of the table."
"So
your solution is to butcher the lot of them and divvy them up as
joints and chops, eh Mr. Sedgewick?" Rollo bawled out, "All you
need's a carving knife to complete that get-up. I never thought you
had it in you, old chap!"
Sedgewick
took his place between Bunny and Swainson and removed his cap and
mask; the laughter died down.
"Go
ahead, Mr. Sedgewick," Bunny patted him on the back and sat down
with Swainson.
"Matron
Ridgeway, Gentlemen, as Mr. Fairchild pointed out so persuasively
last week, The Flock is a drain on expenses. Yet, I believe I have
fathomed a way in which they can earn their keep and possibly even
turn a profit. I am dressed like this today for a reason. I intend to
sell to you the idea of the Blindefellows Creamery-"
"The
what?" Fairchild shrieked, his mouth hanging open like a chicken
with the gape.
"The
Blindefellows Creamery will be a cottage industry stationed in an
outbuilding in the grounds and will produce artisanal cheeses, such
as those for which Britain was as famed as France before the War when
Major Cowerd and Co. closed the small creameries down as part of the
national rationing scheme, thereby paving the way for the monotony of
Government Cheddar."
"The
man's barking," Fairchild yapped.
"Already
there is a renascence of fine cheese-making underway in this country
but goat and sheep cheese are yet to achieve their due recrudescence.
Blindefellows and The Flock will be first to fill this profitable
epicurean niche with our product, which will be sold both directly
from reception at school as well as at delicatessens in Taunton and
Exeter, from whom I have already ascertained firm expressions of
interest."
"Ha!"
squawked Fairchild, triumphant, "The equipment needed for this
'udderly', if I make that pun, foolhardy enterprise will cost the
school thousands!"
"Not
so, Mr. Fairchild," Bunny languidly rose... "The Percy family, of
whose gift of their lawnmower you reminded us only last week, has
agreed to kit out the entire creamery with equipment formerly used by
their goats' milk facility, which is now being enlarged and
upgraded. Furthermore, in recognition of Blindefellows not
inconsiderable efforts in getting Gawain and Geraint, not to mention
Percy Percy through their A-Levels, they have generously agreed to
provide workmen and materials to renovate the long-disused shearing
shed and wool store. I'm pleased to say they've already been in there
for two days, quite unnoticed by any of you gentlemen. May I thank
you, Mr. Fairchild, for having mentioned them last week because it
put me in mind of precisely whom I should call when Sedgewick came to
me with this charming idea."
Fairchild
glowered. The other masters, however, seemed to be coming around to
the idea, leaning forward and nodding to each other emphatically.
"Mr.
Sedgewick, do you propose to make all this cheese alone?" Rollo
snorted.
"My
intention, Mr. Rollo," Sedgewick replied, is that we model
ourselves on Bedales School in Hampshire, who have their pupils
engage in farming projects alongside their studies. Once I have
mastered the techniques, I shall pass on my skills to an interested
group of students. We can even have them design the packaging and
such like."
"Bravo,
Mr. Sedgewick," Japes shouted, leading a lively burst of applause.
"How
are you going to learn to be a damned dairy maid, Sedgewick?"
Fairchild sniped through the applause. He'd hated Sedgewick from
the moment he'd first set eyes upon him, Sedgewick being the first
non-Oxbridge faculty-member the school had hired since it had
transformed itself from a humble charity school to a going concern
for anyone who could pay in the mid-1800s.
"I
am currently studying a selection of books on the subject from the
Travistock library," Sedgewick replied, feeling hot under the
collar.
"Blast
you, man, books can't teach you how to milk a teat!" Fairchild
reared up to his full height of five feet two inches and Sedgewick
reddened.
"I'm
sure we can find an experienced pair of hands to instruct Mr.
Sedgewick in the art of milking, should the written word fail him,"
Bunny interjected, inviting the shaken Sedgewick to take a seat. "So,
Matron Ridgeway, gentlemen, we have a bold solution, which isn't
costing us a penny. Let's give our woolly little friends a chance!
If our enterprise fails, so be it, but for now let us put it to a
vote."
The
yeas for the creamery drowned out the nays, and Matron Ridgeway
thrust herself between Swainson and Sedgewick to give the latter a
hug. "Charlie, you're a darling, as always. You can absolutely rely
on my help in this".
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