Cosmopolitan Clinic

For the attention of:
Mr A. Howarth, clinical director, the Cosmopolitan clinic.

Marie sounders, 14-cottage lane, Exmoor. D.O.B 1/12/87, P.N. 157630.

The above patient has requested to be referred to the cosmopolitan clinic. She advises that she suffer's recurrent nightmares resulting in prolonged bouts of insomnia, visual examination confirms extreme fatigue, physiatric treatment suggested but declined. The patient insists the nightmare is the direct result of an incident that occurred during childhood during a routine surgical procedure. I have tried to investigate the phobia but I must advise her negative response to the medical profession, I think therefore assume she may decline if a placement is offered; I enclosed a copy of her medical records from 1/8/99. We have no earlier records for this patient.

P.J McCoy


Chapter One

Marie walked slowly into the kitchen of her Exmoor home yawning, she flicked through the morning mail pausing, a small white envelope bearing her name caught her attention.
She placed the letters addressed to her mother on a small parcel clearly marked, Mrs Jean Saunders, before opening the sealed letter, reading it quickly her soft brown eyes wider now reflecting her silent hope, but also the fear that tortured her nightly.
Jean placed their breakfast on the table glancing quickly at her daughter concerned, her once healthy complexion now drained, the memories of the nightmares filled her thoughts as she toyed with her meal.

'Have you had some bad news? You look terrible,' Jean, asked quietly, her hand resting gently on her daughter's hand. Marie handed the letter to her silently watching her as Jean quickly read it, frowning, crushing the letter before throwing it into the waste paper bin annoyed.

'I have to try this mum,' she cried her voice highlighting her fears, 'You don't understand, I asked the doctor for help because I need it,' Marie stated nervously, 'Dr McCoy said this clinic might help,'

'Marie you don't need this place, you hate doctors, why do you want to make yourself ill?' Jean insisted trying to reason with her. 'Do you really think they can help you, this is pointless, your frightened, terrified of hospitals,' Jean stated sarcastically. Marie retrieved the crumpled piece of paper from the bin walking silently into the lounge, brushing her long auburn hair glancing at her tear-filled eyes in the large brass mirror hanging above the fireplace, her once neatly applied make-up now smudged by the constant flow of silent tears, sighing as her mother walked into the room.

'Why can't you help me mum? I have to face everything that frightens me,' she turned to face her as she spoke, demanding an answer, 'I might change my mind' she paused briefly, 'But! I need you,' she cried slumping onto the floral couch, yawning from the constants tiredness that plagued her daily. Jean brushed her short brown, slightly greyed hair unmoved by her daughter's pleas. Marie straightened the creases from the crumpled letter reading it again. 'When do you have to go?' Jean asked taking the letter from Marie's hand as she spoke.

'2nd August at 10,' she turned to face her as she spoke, 'It's the 2nd tomorrow' Marie paused quickly checking the date, 'Mum
I'm really frightened,' tears rolled down her face silently, 'The clinic has arranged an escort,'

'You might have to stay at the clinic for a while, Marie you might be there for Christmas,' disappointment filled Jean's voice, she folded the letter, noticing Marie searching for her cigarettes determined to discourage her not to attend the clinic, 'They won't allow you to smoke,'

'I'll give up then, I'm going mum' Marie paused realising her mum would be alone for the first time at Christmas, 'They might allow me to come home for Christmas,' she said quietly, trying to reassure her mother, 'I have to try something mum,' she hurried to her room before her mother could reply throwing herself onto the soft pink quilt covering her bed, the doctors voices from her childhood mingled with her mothers invaded her thoughts, she glanced at the photograph of her father, her eyes closed slowly.

'I wish you were here dad, you would listen, you always listened to me,' she touched the small gilded frame as she spoke, wiping away her silent tears gripping the pillow close.

'The memories of the day her mother held her explaining she would never see her father again, tears rolled down her mother's face as she quickly tried to compose herself, hugging her close, trying to think how to explain his death. 'Marie, you know daddy was very ill, Jesus decided to take daddy's pain away, Angles took him to heaven while he slept, but daddy will never stop loving you,' Marie sighed hearing her mother's words once more, the words she had heard so many times before filled her troubled thoughts until the day arrived the conversation about her father had ended, Mum stopped saying how much her father loved her. 'Marie, you have to into hospital for a few days, the doctor will make your throat better' she could remember the day her mother said that she could remember holding her mother's hand walking into the same hospital where her father had died only a few weeks ago, Jean helped her into bed hugging her, tears ran freely down her face as she left the ward.

Marie tried to dismiss the thoughts from her mind, her eyes closing demanding sleep. She tossed and turned as the familiar nightmare returned. The nurse handed her two small white tablets and a tumbler of water sitting beside her satisfied she had taken the medication returning to her desk. Marie quickly spat the tablets onto her hand, shuddering, 'They taste horrible ted,' she whispered cuddling the soft brown teddy bear, quickly throwing the dissolved tablets under the bed unnoticed.

The nurse returned a few minutes later holding her hand as they walked along the corridor leading to the theatre, glancing at Marie clutching her teddy bear, her hair brushed neatly into a small plait, she pushed open the swing doors leading to the theatre, pausing before handing another nurse Marie's file. Ushering Marie forward gently.

Marie swallowed hard glancing at the tall doctor trembling only his eyes could be seen peering at her, his face hidden behind the green surgical mask, she began to cry as he picked her up laying her down gently holding the mask against her face trying to calm her as she struggled to free herself, her mouth bleeding from the constant pressure of the mask against her face, Marie held her breath constantly fighting to get away.

The Anaesthetist stroked her hair coaxing her to breathe, she began to panic as more doctors held her, squirming eventually freeing herself from the six doctors holding her, punching one before running pursued by the theatre staff. Marie grabbed her pillow crawling under her bed. The Anaesthetist pulled her gently but firmly from beneath the bed, she struggled to kick and punching him as he carried her back to theatre, he paused briefly the once frightened child now lay sedated, only words of comfort could be heard as he laid her down, her eyes slowly closing as he held the mask against her face.

Marie sat up crying, trembling badly her eyes wide with fright trying to dismiss the nightmares, she had just endured, hurrying to the bathroom wiping the sweat from her face, Jean held her gently trying to comfort her wiping her face gently with a damp cloth. Marie glanced at herself in the mirror her distraught reflection staring back at her, hugging her mum, crying bitterly.

'What have I done mum, I can't let it happen again,' she tried to compose herself Jean stroked her daughter's hair gently, a half cut smile crept on her face clearly relieved to hear she had changed her mind, Marie returned to her room the picture of her father caught her attention, she sighed sitting down holding the picture close.

'I wish I knew what to do dad,' she whispered replacing the picture, 'Know, I need help,' she glanced at the letter again, the choice seemed clear as she packed her case knowing her father would want her to seek help, Jean walked into the room sitting on the bed saying nothing for a few minutes.

'I thought you had changed your mind,' Jean stated glancing at the half-filled suitcase, 'Marie I can remember the last time the doctor frightened you, this time, you will be alone,' she held her pleading with her to reconsider, Marie refused to be distracted.

'Mum the car will arrive tomorrow,' she paused glancing at the photograph of her father, 'I've decided to go dad would want me to try,'

'How can you say that he died in hospital, they couldn't help him' Jean snapped annoyed by Marie's decision, storming out of the room leaving Marie tidying her room trying to occupy her mind avoiding her mother's constant nagging, she walked into the kitchen refusing to talk, Jean placed her dinner on the table, only the occasional sound of cutlery could be heard, Marie finished her meal walking towards the door, pausing turning to face her mother.

'Tomorrow will be hard because I have to leave you,' she returned to her room before her mother could reply, quickly undressing climbing into bed tossing and turning clearly troubled, her thoughts filled with fear, but also the hope.
The alarm clock startled her quickly switching it off before it disturbs her mother.

The sun beamed into her room as she opened the curtains, stretching, yawning her body weary, tears ran down her face as she regretted the decision she had made, her mother's words echoed inside her head as she turned the shower on, trembling every time she heard a car pass by, she quickly dressed opening her make-up case, her hand shaking badly as she tried to use her eyeliner slamming it on top of the case, she lit a cigarette turning to face the picture of her father.

'I can do this dad, I have to calm down,' she whispered sliding the photograph inside her bag, eventually applying her make-up before joining her mother in the kitchen.

'You look nice today Marie,' Jean whispered handing her the breakfast plate, Marie began to worry her mother had changed her attitude but why.

'I don't know if I can do this know mum, I'm scared,' she cried
hugging her.

'You don't have to go, just tell them you have changed your mind,' Jean stated her voice filled with hope, glancing at her daughter as she picked at her breakfast occasionally checking the time. The doorbell rang startling her she trembled spilling her coffee.

'I'll tell him you've changed your mind.' Jean hurried towards the door pausing, 'You might have to tell him,' she opened the door leaving Marie trembling.

'Hi, I've come to escort Marie Saunders to the cosmopolitan,' he stated removing his sunglasses; Jean opened the lounge door allowing him to enter.

'I'm afraid you have had a wasted journey,' Jean sighed walking into the kitchen, 'Marie has changed her mind, she doesn't want to go,' Marie walked into the lounge brushing past her mother glancing at him, his collar-length brown hair and soft brown eyes attracted her attention his white t-shirt hid his muscular body, she sat beside him nervously clutching her bag.

'I will be okay mum, I can deal with this,' she sighed with relief as her mother closed the kitchen door.

'Marie?' he turned her to face him making her blush, 'I know I've arrived early, sorry' he paused, 'I'm Colin, your mother said you have decided not to go to the clinic,' he glanced at her trembling hands as he spoke.

'I really wanted to go yesterday but mum said,' she paused trying to compose herself, 'We argued last night, I suppose she's right,' Colin pulled her towards him suspecting her mother would be listening.

'Well you asked for help, this is about you,' he paused, 'What do you want?' he whispered.

'I just want the nightmares to stop, but I don't think they will' she sighed, Colin picked her suitcase up walking towards the door.

'I can't guarantee they will stop, but I know if you give the clinic a chance, they might,' he turned to face her, 'So shall I put this in the car?' she nodded silently walking into the kitchen.

'Mum, I've decided to try,' Jean turned briefly as if to talk, turning away clearly disappointed by her daughter's decision to leave. Marie attempted to hug her but she walked away refusing to say goodbye, tears rolled down Marie's face as she hurried to the car struggling to open the rear passenger door, quickly turning away not wanting Colin to see her cry. He opened the front passenger door.

'You can sit here if you want' he glanced at her tear stained face as she sat down struggling with the seatbelt, turning towards the house hoping her mother would be standing by the window waving her goodbye but the curtains remain still, Colin nudged her handing her a tissue.

'Would you put some music on for me?' he handed her a cigarette starting the car.

'How did you know I smoke?' she asked curiously.

'I didn't,' he laughed slipping his sunglasses on, she glanced at the countless road signs leading to the motorway trying to occupy her mind, her eyes closing drifting asleep, she jumped startling herself.

'Please don't let me fall asleep' she pleaded trembling her eyes slowly filling with tears, he parked the car turning towards her concerned by her sudden outburst, 'Colin if I go to sleep they will come back'

'I won't let you fall asleep, I promise,' he whispered wiping her face, 'We can have something to eat and drink that should keep you awake,' he drove to a nearby service station.

'I didn't think a taxi driver can help me,' she mumbled making him laugh, he glanced at her silently. Opening the door leading to the cafe.

'We can have a cup of coffee and you can tell me how many taxi drivers drive one of those,' he turned her towards the black BMW convertible, 'Escort doesn't mean taxi, what do you want?' she walked away avoiding answering him sitting at a nearby table.

'I don't want anything,' she mumbled as he sat beside her.

'We can have a cup of coffee if you don't want anything to eat that's okay' he walked towards the counter returning a few minutes later with two mugs. 'I was only trying to be friendly' he sighed placing the mug in front of her, she trembled nearly spilling the contents her mother firmly fixed in her thoughts feeling guilty for leaving her alone, a silent tear rolled down her face, she wiped it away quickly. Colin took the mug from her sliding it onto the table. 'Do you want to talk?' he asked quickly, tears ran down her face as she started to cry.

'My mum will never forgive me for leaving her,' she cried, choking back her tears.

'Marie, this isn't about your mum, I think she will be relieved if those nightmares stop' he paused wanting to reassure her 'and I don't think you need permission to make a decision about your health, your 19,' he handed her the mug as he spoke, she searched her bag for the photograph of her father gazing at it silently 'Is that a picture of your father?'

'I don't think I would be sitting here if it wasn't for this picture' she whispered, 'If my dad was still alive, I wouldn't have this problem' the nightmares began to fill her thoughts silencing her.

'Problem! do you mean your nightmares, or' he paused as she turned to face him, 'Why doesn't your mother support you, Marie?'

'My mother doesn't realise how difficult this is, she could be right, I probably will run when I see the doctor,' she laughed nervously, 'Do you drive all the patients to the clinic?'

'I've picked a few up and dropped them off when they leave' he handed her a cigarette, 'I'm always doing something, you would be surprised trust me' he glanced at the counter, 'I really think you should have something to eat,' he hurried to the counter before she could refuse, she sighed gazing at the door wanting to escape her fate but not wanting to cause him problems, he was too nice, too polite, she thought to herself walking towards the door. Colin collected two salads pausing at the door to talk to her.

'It might seem like a good idea but it's a long walk home,' he whispered before placing the meals on the table returning to her side, 'I want you to join me for lunch Miss Saunders and I won't take no for an answer' he guided her back to the table, 'We can talk, you can talk about anything and I'll listen' he sat her down making her laugh. 'What's really worrying you?' he asked sitting beside her, she looked at him shocked, how could he help her.

'I'm scared, I can't make my mum understand how I feel, she isn't interested,' she sighed thinking how her mum had shunned her refused to hug her, to say goodbye. 'The nightmares really frighten me, I can't talk to her because she won't listen' she turned to face him revealing her tear filled eyes, 'I just want to sleep,'

'Do you see these tears?' he wiped her cheek, wiping his hand on his jeans 'The same thing will happen to those nightmares, trust me'

'I feel sick,' she sighed pushing the plate away.

'You feel sick because you're tired' he pushed the plate back, 'Why do you think you will run when you see the doctor?'

'I don't like doctors' she glanced at him briefly. 'Why?' he finished his meal awaiting her answer.

'Because of my nightmares, I don't want to talk about doctors, I feel scared enough' she finished the meal quickly realising they had no reason to stay. 'Do you work at the clinic?' he nodded silently 'Can we stay here, we could go for a walk or something,' she crossed her fingers hiding them under the table, hoping to prevent the journey continuing, she wanted to ask him so many questions, but couldn't find the words. 'I just don't want to see a doctor yet I'm not ready' she stated making him laugh.

'Marie you're trying to avoid the clinic, and if that's what you want,' he paused, 'Just ask me to take you home, you don't need an excuse.


'Do you know my doctor?' she asked nervously, 'I bet he's horrible,'

'I wouldn't say anyone at the clinic would be classed as horrible, why don't you give them a chance to help you' he lit a cigarette handing it to her, 'and if you think everyone at the clinic is horrible, that includes me doesn't it, I think you need to give everything a chance, including yourself'

'I won't like him, you don't understand,' she snapped.

'How can you say that before you arrive, its not very fair is it?'

'They don't listen and most of them are old and horrible, they hurt people and enjoy it, I don't want to talk about them,' anger filled her voice as she walked towards the door; he held her arm walking towards the pond sitting her down.

'Calm down you haven't arrived yet and look at you, if you are really worried, I will help you if I can,' he paused, 'I wouldn't say your doctor is old, but it depends what you class as old, I do know most of the girls need him at least once' he took her hand leading her back to the car.

'You would say that you work there,' she snapped opening the car door.

'Why would I lie, I don't get a bonus just to get you there' he started the car turning to face her.

'We could leave later, I don't want to see him yet' her eyes filled as she spoke clearly frightened.

'Tell me why your nightmares frighten you?' she glared at him not wanting to discuss them. 'They frighten you a lot, I see,'

'I want to forget them but I can't' she cried resting her head on her arm, he turned her gently. 'They won't leave me alone Colin' she gripped him crying desperately to make him understand.

'Marie listen to me, if the nightmares don't stop, you will learn to live with them, they might stop completely' he paused sitting her back, 'I wish, I could promise you will never have one when you leave, but I can't' she looked puzzled quickly wiping her face unable to understand his statement.

'If the nightmares don't stop that means, I will never sleep properly, so why do I have to go?' she sighed her hopes for a cure slashed by his words.

'No one is forcing you to go, Marie, you will sleep that I can guarantee, if you want to go home tell me now, if not its time we left,' he started the car, 'So which is it home or clinic you choose'.

'If I go home nothing changes, but when I meet that doctor it could get worse, I don't know what to do'

'Okay if I could promise that you will get a doctor that will listen, and help you, will you try the clinic?' she nodded watching him closely the journey was both short and silent, she gazed at the single storey white building as he parked the car, 'Welcome to the cosmopolitan' Colin whispered.

'Take me home Colin, I've changed my mind' she stated frightened, refusing to move, he held her hand loosely.

'Marie, you will be okay, I promise, we can have a drink and then, I'll introduce you to everyone' she pulled away, 'Come with me, if you still want to leave, I will take you home, I promise,' he took her hand walking towards the door, she stood against the wall refusing to move again, he sighed 'I think you need to meet your doctor now, you just might stop this silliness,' he picked her up before she could object carrying her into the lounge sitting her on the light green couch, she tried to leave the room but he held her arm closing the door.

'Colin please don't force me to see him yet,' she cried as he sat her down sitting beside her. 'I'm really scared Colin, I thought we were friends,' she paused, 'You wouldn't force me, friends don't do that,' she begged, he laughed handing her a cigarette lighting it, she turned away unable to believe he had laughed, he turned her gently but she turned away not wanting to talk to him,

'Marie, we can be friends' he handed her a tissue turning her head, 'But, how can I force you to meet someone, you met a few hours ago,' he whispered, she dropped her cigarette quickly picking it up, he poured two cups of coffee handing her one, 'I can't listen or help you if you won't talk to me, we have talked for nearly 3 hours and now your quiet,' she glanced at him shocked determined to walk away but he held her arm gently.

'I think you have tried to walk away a few times, sit down and talk to me,'

'I can't,' she yelled turning away.

'If you remember correctly you wanted to stay with me at the service station, now you don't, you could talk to me, now you can't,' he sighed picking up his car keys. 'Come on, I'll take you home,' he stated walking towards the door turning to face her, 'Do I have to carry to the car, or would you prefer to talk?'

'Why didn't you tell me? I've made a fool of myself now,' she asked quietly.

'Why didn't you ask me? I gave you enough clues,' he sat beside her, 'And you didn't make a fool of yourself, I think you need someone you can talk to and trust,' he handed her the cup of coffee. 'What are you going to do?' she asked gripping the mug nervously trying to calm her nerves, her voice quiet but fearful dreading his answer.

'We can discuss that later its not important at the moment' he paused interrupted by a slightly shorter man, his short blond hair flicked back revealing a solitary gold stud in his ear. Marie glanced at him trembling the doctors from her nightmares flashed into her thoughts, she began to panic hurrying to the door crying, Colin held her turning her to face him. 'Marie you know this isn't the answer, I would take you home, but I know you want to stay,' he whispered comforting her returning her to the coach. She glanced at the blond-haired stranger. 'Paul can, and will help you too, so stop frightening yourself,' she glanced at Paul's piercing blue eyes turning away snuggling in the cushions thinking about Colin, her eyes slowly closing.

'She's frightened to sleep but she's exhausted,' Colin whispered lifting her feet onto the couch.

'If she need's help to sleep, I suggest we give her something,' Paul paused as she began tossing and turning, 'Did she cause any problems?' Colin shook his head concerned as she fought away the approaching doctors, yelling as they held her, screaming to free herself. Paul nudged her gently, 'Marie, wake up,' he wiped her face as she sat up her eyes wide; Paul held her wrist checking her pulse.

'I think we need to talk,' Colin stated, as she lay on Pauls' arm closing her eyes, sitting up quickly trying to stay awake.


'If she need's help to sleep, I suggest we give her something,' Paul paused as she began tossing and turning, 'Did she cause any problems?' Colin shook his head concerned as she fought away the approaching doctors, yelling as they held her, screaming to free herself. Paul nudged her gently, 'Marie, wake up,' he wiped her face as she sat up her eyes wide; Paul held her wrist checking her pulse.

'I think we need to talk,' Colin stated, as she lay on Pauls' arm closing her eyes, sitting up quickly trying to stay awake.

'I'm sorry, I can't help it, I'm so tired,' she mumbled closing her eyes again.

'You don't have to apologise we want to help you, but we want you to help us' Paul paused, 'I think you should talk to Colin, I have a few things to do, I'll see you both later,' she began to tremble as Paul left the room.

'I think we should have that chat now, we won't get disturbed, I promise,' he stated taking her hand, 'So you can yell at me if you want' she pulled away wanting to go with him but frightened, 'I thought you trusted me, Marie, I'm not going to hurt you and I think you know that' he took her hand again leading her to one of the treatment rooms, 'Sit down, and make yourself comfortable,' he sat at the desk reading her file, she sat down cautiously satisfied there was nothing to frighten her.

'I still can't believe you are a doctor, you're too nice and,' she whispered glancing at him.

'Why because I'm not horrible, or old,' he asked startling her, she shrugged realising he had heard her clearly embarrassed, 'Friends are normally honest with each other, so why?' she walked towards the window avoiding his answer, he sat her down sitting beside her.

'Okay so I was wrong, not all doctor are old and horrible,'

'I think we will get the examination finished, and then you can talk to your old and horrible doctor,' she folded her arms refusing, 'You must have had an examination before,'

'I have but not with,' she paused feeling the warmth of embarrassment on her face turning away quickly allowing him to examine her, he scribbled a few notes in her file before opening the drawer removing 2 vials.

'Only one thing left and then we can talk,' he held her hand but she pulled away hurrying to the door, 'I think you might need this' he held the key walking towards her.

'I hate needles they hurt,'

'Have I hurt you?' he took her hand sitting her down, 'It might sting for a second but I wouldn't say it hurts' he wiped her arm as he spoke quickly filling the vials, making her flinch, 'That didn't hurt,' he laughed leading her to the bed, 'Lay down and relax, I want you to think of something nice, something you like,' he sat beside her as she closed her eyes, she sat up startled, frightened, her breathing staggered.

'What are you going to do?' she screeched, fear filled her voice.

'I want to talk to you, so close your eyes and trust me,' he laid her down, tears rolled down her face.

'If I go to sleep I'll have another nightmare, it frightens me,'

'You don't have to worry about them because I will look after you,' he paused, 'Marie you are exhausted and I want you to rest, I'll stay with you, I promise,' she shook her head crying.

'I can't, I don't want to,' she cried chewing her lip nervously.

'We can drop this blood off and then I'll show you where your room is' they walked along the corridor; Colin paused turning to face her. 'I'll only be a few minutes, I'll get you something for that,' he pointed to her lip. She stood against the wall thinking about what he had said, he could never know how tired she felt, he returned startling her.

'Your room is down here,' he opened the door allowing her to enter. 'What do you think,' she glanced around the spacious room, it was larger than she had expected, nicely decorated pine bedroom furniture surrounded the room, Colin sat on the cottage style couch as Marie switched the hi-fi on.

'It's really nice,' she stated sitting beside him. 'I am tired, but how can I sleep?' he took her hand leading her to the bed.

'I except you think you can't sleep' he snapped the top off a small white plastic tube, rubbing the contents on her sore lip, squeezing the remaining liquid into her mouth, 'You shouldn't bite them, what flavour do you think it is?' he paused, 'I know you are tired and you will go to sleep,' he stated covering her with the quilt, 'I have a terrible habit, I bore people to sleep ask Paul,' she turned to face him holding her pillow her eyes closing, 'I think you have that warm relaxed feeling don't you?' he whispered, she snuggled into the pillow, 'I want you to imagine you are laying on a beach in the sun,' he sat on the couch thinking about her medical and nightmares.

Paul interrupted his thoughts glancing at Marie closing the door quietly they discussed her file and treatment, she screamed interrupting them the doctor from her nightmares holding the mask against her face, forcing her to breathe the gas, she clung to Paul as he sat beside her trembling.

'I think we really need to discuss those nightmares,' he glanced at Colin, she attempted to get away from them but Colin stood in her path.

'I can't talk about them, and you can't force me,' she yelled, Colin sat her down holding her as she struggled to free herself.

'Stop struggling and I'll let you go,' he held her hand sitting beside her. 'Paul, I want to talk to Marie, we'll see you in the dining room' he turned towards her as Paul left. 'Why did you come here?' he asked offering her a cigarette, she looked puzzled, 'You have to work with us, it's not about forcing you to do anything' he paused, 'So after dinner we will discuss those nightmares, and I promise you will tell us but you won't be frightened'

'I would tell you if I could, I'll stay here I'm not very hungry' she switched the TV on turning to face him, 'I didn't think I would find a nice doctor, one I can trust, I mean, but you and Paul,' she sighed.

'We can have something to eat later; Paul will be here soon,'

'Do you have a girlfriend Colin?' she asked glancing at his hands.

'No, I'm always working, if I'm not a doctor, I am a taxi driver remember,' he stated making her laugh. Paul interrupted them, making her nervous, 'Stop worrying, I'll be back in a few minutes'

'I don't want to do this Paul, I was hoping to forget them,' she sighed.

'It will take a while to forget them, but we have a few suggestions that might help'

Colin interrupted their conversation sitting next to Marie he placed a small metal case on the table; Marie glanced at the case and then Colin.

'You said we were talking about the nightmares,' she paused turning to Paul, 'I don't want to remember,' she cried holding her head, Paul tried to comfort her, but she pulled away 'You both want me to tell you what they did, how they hurt me,' Paul handed her a tissue, 'Every time I fall asleep it happens,' Colin turned her to face him.

'Marie, it's ok, calm down, in a few minutes I'll give you something that will help you explain what happened,' he opened the case, filling the syringe, 'This will take the fear away and you won't fall asleep unless you are tired,' he held her hand but she refused, 'Just close your eyes, or look at Paul, this will help you relax,' he injected the drug as he spoke rubbing her arm.

'Can you remember how old you were when they started?' Paul asked gaining her attention, 'We want to know Marie,'

'10 I think, everything happened when I was 10,' she mumbled, 'I had my tonsils out, I'll never forget that day, the nurse gave me two tablets but I didn't take them, I threw them under the bed,' she laughed nervously 'They tasted horrible,' she stated defending her actions.

'It was probably a pre-med, what happened?' Colin asked interrupting her.

'The nurse took me to the theatre, and they took my teddy bear away,' she mumbled, her eyes closing slowly. Colin picked her up laying her on the bed, they listened as she explained how the mask had cut her mouth, how she had punched and run back to the ward only to be carried back to the theatre, silent tears rolled down her face as she drifted to sleep.

'I think you should rest, you know we are here, so you don't have to worry,' Paul whispered.

'I can't understand how she knew what happened after she had the anapaestic, unless she was awake, it can happen but it's very rare,' Colin sighed as Paul sat down. 'She couldn't have imagined it, made it up but if she did, she still wouldn't know exactly what the Anaesthetist did,' Paul said, puzzled.

'I don't think we need to discuss if it actually happened, Marie believes it did, and to be honest, I can't believe six doctors held her down, and she got away,' Colin laughed, 'I could hold her down with one hand,' Marie began to toss and turn crying.

'It doesn't make sense Col, not the way she described it,' Paul paused glancing at Marie, 'I do have a suggestion if this doesn't help we could relive the day,' Colin looked shocked, speechless for a few minutes.

'You do know what could happen, to be honest, I think it's to soon' he paused, 'I don't want to risk sending her into shock, it could kill her,'

'It's just a suggestion Col, and I didn't say we should do it today' Paul poured two cups of coffee, 'I think you can handle Marie you haven't had a problem with the other girls' Marie began to cry again, Paul sat beside her nudging her gently hoping to prevent another nightmare, she stared at him trembling wanting to escape, hurrying to the door, breathing heavy as the imaginary doctors filled her thoughts. Colin held her preventing her leaving, she shook her head crying trying to pull away, he turned her to face him wiping her face.

'Hey Marie, your safe, breath slowly,' Colin sighed as she closed her eyes falling to the floor, he picked her up returning her to the bed, she opened her eyes sitting up.

'You promised, I wouldn't see them,' she yelled wiping her face.

'No, I didn't say that I said you wouldn't be frightened, and you could tell us what happened, and you did' Colin sat beside her; she turned to face him saying nothing for a few minutes.

'I can't remember, did I tell you what happened?' she asked curiously, 'I told you nothing can stop them' she sighed walking into the bathroom slamming the door, 'Col I've had an idea but I want to talk to her first, just leave the room, if this works, I'll get her to come to you,' Colin shrugged returning to his room, Paul tapped on the bathroom door lightly, only the sound of crying could be heard, he opened the door, she sat huddled on the edge of the bath, he sat beside her saying nothing for a few minutes.

'I don't want to talk, it won't solve anything,' she sighed refusing to look at him.

'Your wrong Marie, talking can solve quite a few problems,' he took her hand returning to the bedroom sitting her down, 'You need sleep Marie and I have a suggestion,' he offered her a cigarette, 'You could ask Colin to help,' she shook her head frightened.

'Colin gave me something, it didn't work, and if I sleep they will come back and I'll wake up' he placed his finger on her lips silencing her, 'I thought you would understand,' she sighed putting the cigarette out.

'I do understand and I want to help you, but we can't help you until you get some sleep, if you really want to sleep, you will, you might have a decent night without waking up,' he turned her to face him, 'It's your decision, but I think we both know you need help,'

'What will he do?' she asked quietly.

'I think you should talk to him, tell him how you feel and stop running away,'

'If I tell him how I feel he might not like it,' she whispered making him laugh.

'You like him don't you,' she nodded silently. 'If you like him, talk to him, Col can help trust me'

'Colin doesn't look or act like a doctor, you're both nice,' he took her hand leading her to Colin's room,

'Marie wants to talk to you, I'll see you later,' he sat her down on the soft white leather coach, she turned to face Paul worried, 'Talk to him Marie,' she began to tremble as Paul left the room.

'What do you want to talk about,' Colin asked turning the TV off; she gazed into his soft brown eyes turning away.

'Paul said you can help me,' she stated, her voice almost a whisper, 'Help me to sleep Colin, but don't hurt me please,' she begged, Colin sat forward saying nothing for a few minutes, 'It doesn't matter,' she sighed attempting to stand, but he sat her down.

'What did Paul say to you?'

'He said you could help me sleep, and I wouldn't have a nightmare,' her eyes pleading for sleep as she spoke.

'I can help you sleep, but I can't guarantee you won't have one,' he took her hand leading her to the room he had deposited the blood sample earlier, she pulled away again, 'Marie if you if you want me to help you,' he took her hand as he spoke, 'I promise it won't hurt but we need to talk first' They walked into the room, 'What are you thinking about?' he sat on the bed as he spoke.

'Nothing,' she sighed, 'I'm scared,' he turned her head gently, the warmth from his hand against her cheek making her blush.

'You must be thinking about something, and I don't think you're frightened of me,' he whispered making her blush again.

'I was thinking about,' she sighed trying to think of something, not wanting him to know she liked him, 'Sleep that's what I'm thinking about' he sat beside her.

'You're not a very good liar are you?'

'I don't tell lies, it doesn't concern you,' she snapped closing her eyes, imagining herself in his arms.

'I'll phone Paul, you need something to wear, you can't sleep in your clothes' he quickly dialled his number explaining the situation.

'It won't work; I'll probably wake up in an hour,'
'You will wake up when I decide and that I can guarantee, just imagine spending the night with me, and on the first day you arrive, what will Paul say?' he teased hiding his smile, 'I hope you haven't got any secrets, you might talk in your sleep,' he jumped of the bed unlocking the cupboard.

'I don't have any secrets, what are you going to do?' she asked frightening herself, Paul interrupted them handing Marie the pink pyjamas she had threw in her case, 'Thanks, Paul,' he returned to his room slightly surprised she had asked Colin to help.

'Get changed, I can't believe you don't have any secrets,' he stated amazed, 'none at all' she shook her head silently, quickly changing; 'You don't have any fantasies, or secretly like someone?'

'You shouldn't ask that everyone likes someone,' she yawned covering her mouth.

'This might sting but it will only last a few seconds,' he held her hand gently inserting the canola, 'now you are ready,' she glanced around quickly expecting other doctors. 'I think it time we went in there, don't you,' he pointed to the recovery room; he picked her up carrying her inside laying her down. She gazed at the monitors and endless equipment, gripping Colin's hand.

'Hey stop frightening yourself,' he sat beside her placing two filled syringes on the small silver tray. 'Do you see those, one of them will put you to sleep in a second, the other will let you talk for a while, your choice,' she sat up saying nothing for a few minutes.

'What are you waiting for, more doctors'?' she started to cry.

'Why do I need another doctor' he held her hand, 'Watch this,' he injected the drug slowly, 'You need a few hours sleep Marie, so stop fighting and close your eyes,' she tried to pull away from his grasp. 'I think we should discuss how much you like Paul,' she looked shocked distracted by his statement her eyes closing slowly, he placed her arm by her side, 'I hope you are dreaming of something nice' he whispered his voice drifted into silence, he attached the monitors finally filling in her notes, 'Paul walked into the room.

'She tried to fight but no other problem,' he allowed Paul to take his place, 'she must have been asleep when she had her tonsils out, so we can rule out she was awake, I'll see you in the morning about seven, I really need a cup of coffee,' he laughed.

'Did she say anything before she fell asleep?' Paul asked curiously.

'Not much, why?'

'Just asking, it doesn't matter, I'll see you tomorrow,' Paul turned his attention to Marie sleeping soundly. Colin returned to his room pouring himself a mug of coffee before undressing, drinking half of the contents before falling asleep.

'I'm sorry, I can't help it, I'm so tired,' she mumbled closing her eyes again.