Single parenting and how it affects us.

A single parent, sometimes called a solo parent, is a parent, not living with a spouse or partner, who has most of the day-to-day responsibilities in raising the child or children or in other words, a single parent is a parent with one or more children, who is not living with any of the children's other parents. A single parent is usually considered the primary caregiver, meaning the parent in question provides the childrenâs residency majority of the time.
Over the past 20 years single-parent families have become even more common than the so-called "nuclear family" consisting of a mother, father and children. Today we see all sorts of single parent families: headed by mothers, headed by fathers, headed by a grandparent raising their grandchildren.
Life in a single parent household â though common â can be quite stressful for the adult and the children. Members may unrealistically expect that the family can function like a two-parent family, and may feel that something is wrong when it cannot. The single parent may feel overwhelmed by the responsibility of juggling caring for the children, maintaining a job and keeping up with the bills and household chores. And typically, the family's finances and resources are drastically reduced following the parents' breakup. Single parent families deal with many other pressures and potential problem areas that the nuclear family does not have to face.
There is an increasing rate of single parenting in Kenya and the world at large today, yet this type of parenthood is viewed negatively. This negative perception of single parenting by the Kenyan society implies that children brought up in such family structures may not get adequate acceptance, support and recognition from teachers, students and the society at large compared to children brought up in dual parent households. Indeed children from single parent households may be stigmatized which may adversely affect their self esteem and result in indiscipline, drug abuse and poor academic achievement. It is also important to note that low self-esteem is not a preserve for children from single parent families. There exists a general condemnation of children from single parent households and much indiscipline, drug abuse, truancy among other ills tend to be attributed to them yet children from dual parent families have an similar challenge to contend with. Single parents on the other hand, go through a lot . I focus on depictions of single-parent families resulting from divorce and non-marital childbearing because these events are more directly subject to individual choice than parental mortality and because they drove the dramatic increase in single parent families over the twentieth century, which would have been even greater if not for declines in parental death (Ellwood and Jencks 2002).
Types of single parent families result from the causes that led to the emergence of the single parent family. Historically, death of a partner was a major cause of single parenting. Single parenting can result from separation, death, divorce of a couple with children, or parents that never married. Here, If the parents are separated or divorced, children live with their custodial parent and have visitation or secondary residence with their noncustodial parent. In western society in general, following separation, a child will end up with the primary caregiver, usually the mother, and a secondary caregiver, usually the father. Custody battles, awarded by the court or rationalized in other terms, determine who the child will spend majority of their time with. This affects children in many ways, and counseling is suggested for them, a conclusion I personally found out on my own, being a victim from a single-parent family.
A mother is typically the primary caregiver in a single parent family structure because of instances such as divorce or unplanned pregnancy. Fathers have been the less common primary caregiver in the recent past, presumably due to the father working most of the day resulting in less bonding with the children, or possibly a young child needing to still nurse, or if childcare was necessary while the father works, the mother would be seen to be better suited while fathers works. This scenario has shifted in recent years, as many fathers are taking an active parental role as a stay-at-home dad as more mothers are in the workforce and being the sole provider to the family, resulting in fathers bonding and connecting more to their children.
The demographics of single parenting show a general increase worldwide in children living in single parent homes (Jayson and Sharon, 2009). Single parenting has become an accepted norm in the United States and is an accepted trend found in multiple other countries e.g. Kenya. The wide spread cases of single parenting raises concern as to whether we may not need to redefine the concept of the family. Although divorce is one of the main events that lead to single parenting, it may be that the majority of cases in Kenya are from pregnancy outside of wedlock.
There is a continuing decline in the popularity of marriage as more relationships break down and fewer couples choose to wed. Take for instance in the UK over the past decade the number of married couples fell by 262,000 to 12 million, while the number of cohabiting couples rose from 2.1million to 2.9million and there are 1.8 million children living with unmarried partners (Bertus Preller,2012). In the UK some 8,000 same-sex couples now have children according to the Office for National Statistics, while almost 8million people are living alone. The situation is not much different in Africa. According to Monama (2011) in 2007 about 52 percent of African urban parents were single. In South Africa children are growing up in dysfunctional families. Millions of children grow up living without one of their parents. A worrying revelation is that More than 20,000 children are affected by divorce each year in South Africa (Bertus Preller,2012)According to a 2011 study by the South African Institute of Race Relations only a third of children in South Africa are growing up living with two of their parents, 98,000 children live in child-headed households, 81% of whom have a living mother and 9 million children are growing up with absent but living fathers. Only 35% of children in South Africa grow up living with both their biological parents (Bertus Preller,2012)
Presently in Kenya, the number of children living in a single parent family is also steadily increasing alongside other parts of the world. In a study conducted in 1997 by the Government, UNICEF and the Family Support Institute in 13 counties in Kenya it was established that 45 percent of the families had both parents present; 30 percent were single parents headed by women, 9 percent were single parents headed by men, 8.7 percent were extended, 5.3 were child headed, 2.3 percent were headed by grandparents. In addition, 70% represented unmarried teenage mothers, who are among the core poor - which lead in generating children in special need of protection (Family Support Institute, 1997). This phenomenon could be attributed in part to the rapid breakdown of traditional structures in the face of globalization, modernization, migration and urbanization. As a result, children have borne the brunt of the fall-out (Hamner & Turner, 1985). As in any country, single parenthood arises because of divorce, death or estrangement of a spouse and teenage pregnancy.
Several studies have been done all over the world on the influence of type of parenting on childrenâs self-esteem. A majority of these studies points to a significant influence on type of parenting and self-esteem. The study of Hetherington (2003) found that children in divorced and remarried families show higher levels of depression and anxiety, and lower levels of self-esteem compared to children in non-divorced families. These findings are collaborated by the study of Elfhag, Tynelius and Rasmussen (2010) who also found out that children from single parent families had lower self-esteem compared to those raised by both parents. Amato and Keith (1991) examined the 92 studies involving 13,000 children ranging from preschool to young adulthood and the overall result of this analysis was that children from divorced families are on "average" somewhat worse off than children who have lived in intact families. These children have more difficulty in school, more behavior problems, more negative self-concepts, more problems with peers, and more trouble getting along with their parents. Further research has shown that children with present fathers do better in school, are less prone to violence, and have higher self-esteem and self-confidence (Kevorkian 2010). Boys without fathers are less likely to finish high school, more likely to suffer emotionally and economically, and are more likely to have difficulty forming relationships (Passley, Gerring, & Gerson, 2006).
In a study examining how family characteristics affect African American youth, Mandara and Murray(2000) found that African American adolescent boys with non-married parents are more at risk for developing low self-esteem compared with other African American adolescents. The study illustrates the apparently valuable role of the African American father in raising his children, particularly his boys.
Statistically, a child in a single-parent household is far more likely to experience violence, commit suicide, continue a cycle of poverty, become drug dependent, commit a crime or perform below his peers in education. According to the Single Parent Success Foundation, a national nonprofit that encourages educational opportunities for single parents:
63 percent of suicides nationwide are individuals from single-parent families.
75 percent of children in chemical dependency hospitals are from single-parent families.
More than half of all youths incarcerated in the U.S. lived in one-parent families as a child.
Children from divorced families are more likely to have academic problems. They are more likely to be aggressive and get in trouble with school authorities, something that I have gone through personally. These children are more likely to have low self-esteem and feel depressed. Children who grow up in divorced families often have more difficulties getting along with siblings, peers, and their parents. This is because they watch their parents engage in fights; both physical and verbal and they tend to acquire such behaviors. It is true that children of one-parent households are generally less supervised, their actions are less monitored and there is usually less communication between the child and parent. It would appear that being a part of a single-parent household indicates a negative family environment. Also, in adolescence, they are more likely to engage in delinquent activities, to get involved in early sexual activities, and to experiment with illegal drugs. At the time, the childâs parents are busy sorting out their issues and forget to offer guidance to their child. In adolescence and young adulthood, they are more likely to have some difficulty forming intimate relationships and establishing independence from their families (Davison, 1994).
On the other hand, not only children are affected. The parents in question also go through a lot e.g. some suffer from stress related diseases. I am raised by a single mother; my father is alive but partly in absentia, meaning that heâs contributions to my well-being in life are there but just not as much as what my mum does.
Thereâs the single-mother household and the single-father household. Single-mother households are the most common. Single mothers face different challenges from single fathers. Approximately seventy percent of single parent mothers live in poverty, earning less than $13,000 annually. (Burns, Ailsa. Mother-Headed Families and Why They Have Increased. Mahwah: Lawrence Erlbaum Associates Inc., 1994.
) These women have a harder time providing for their families because they generally have lower paying jobs. Single mothers have all of the problems that lower income families have, with the added responsibility of raising a child on top of it. Even though women face greater financial problems, they tend to be more nurturing to their children by telling them they love them, hugging them, and showing affection towards them. Some positive aspects that may be associated with being a single mother are that, opposed to males, they usually have a more extensive support system. Women are often closer to friends and family who can help them through tough times and even be there to support the mother in raising her children. The negative aspects of single-motherhood are that because women make less money, they have to work longer hours, which leaves them with less time for the children. My mum always has my back in everything I do, contributing to both my social welfare and my education and as a result, ends up straining a lot just so that she could earn an extra dime to sort me and my elder brother out and as a result, sheâs now struggling with high blood pressure and a severe back problem that unfortunately cannot be treated and Iâm now obligated to make her proud in school and support her whenever I can. The change and uncertainty associated with becoming a single mother can make for some tough times. Emotions can run high: anger, sadness, frustration, fear, shock, guilt, regret, relief, hope, excitement. Children might be on this rollercoaster ride of emotions too. Feelings of grief and loss are part of the journey too. Grief for the dreams the parent once shared and the life they expected to lead. Loss of someone in your shared home who is interested in your childrenâs everyday moments and small achievements. Itâs challenging â but I believe it can also be a time for discovering themselves and finding new directions. Single mothers talk about feeling liberated and free from the conflict and stress of negotiating with a partner. You might even feel excited about your new life. This adjustment to life as a single mother is a phase. Itâs a time to make sense of things and settle in to your new life. Many single mothers talk about a turning point, a time down the track when things will really improve. They can get through these times
Stigma and discrimination are an additional burden for a single mother. Many at times, they are not able to change how others view them but they can be prepared for reactions and build a strong sense of pride in the family for instance, preparing the children early in advance from questions such as âwhere do you live? who do you live with?, identifying the familyâs strengths and talking to the child about them e.g. taking part in community development and also the mother tries to keep up with social contact with the child. Personally, this has helped me through this journey with my mother, my father being in absentia most of the time.

The ever-growing single-father household also faces unique challenges. In contrast to women, men tend to have better positions in the work force, giving them higher salaries. Because of this, some single men do not run into the economic issues that single women do. Single fathers often do not communicate as well with their children as is seen with mothers. This leads to children of single-father households being more likely to use marijuana and to have tried other illicit drugs, to have been drunk three or more times, and to have had sex at an earlier age. These statistics contradict the fact that most people think that fathers are stricter than mothers, when in fact they tend to be less disciplinary than single mothers. Fathers can have a great influence on their child though, because most believe that the best way for a son to learn to be a good father is by watching his own.

Source: Pew Research analysis of Decennial census and American community survey (IPUMS)
Iâm grateful to God for having blessed me with both parents for my existence would have been null if it wasnât for the both of them, despite the troubles I face with my father not being fully in the picture of my life all the time. I concluded that when families of all backgrounds are engaged in their childrenâs learning, their children tend to do better in school, stay in school longer and pursue higher education. Clearly, children at risk of failure or poor performance in all areas can profit from the extra support that engaged families and communities provide.
Should parents stay together? The intact family appears to offer a myriad of benefits for adults and children. The married home tends to provide a safer and healthier home environment. On average, children in intact families fare better in school, exhibit fewer behavioral problems, and are more likely to form healthy romantic relationships as adults.
Children raised in intact families have, on average, higher academic achievement, better emotional health, and fewer behavioral problems. Compared with peers in intact families and those in stepfamilies or single-parent families where either the biological father or mother was present, children who lived in households where no biological parent was present fared less well with regard to 24 out of 30 indicators of emotional well-being and behavior. This was true even when demographic factors were held constant. When compared with their peers from families with two biological parents, students who lived          with neither biological parent scored lower with regard to academic performance, educational aspiration, sense of self determination, and self-esteem, and they exhibited more behavioral problems.
Fathers of intact families spend, on average, more time with their children. They also enjoy greater family cohesion than peers with adopted children or stepchildren.
Teens who frequently have dinner with their families are at a lower risk for substance abuse.Compared with teens who had dinner with their families at least five times a week, those who had dinner with their families only two nights per week or less were twice as likely to be involved in substance abuse. They were 2.5 times as likely to smoke cigarettes, more than 1.5 times as likely to drink alcohol, and nearly three times as likely to try marijuana.
Adolescents from intact families are less likely to become sexually active. Among a sample of adolescent virgins, those who reported living with two married parents were roughly 40 percent less likely to engage in sexual activity before the follow-up interview approximately a year later than adolescents who were not living with two married parents.
Children raised in intact families by happily married parents tend to be more religious in adulthood.This religiosity inheritanceâ was even greater among children who were raised in families with two happily married biological parents. Religiosity in this study was determined with regard to six measures: daily influence of religious beliefs;frequency of reading the Bible; frequency of viewing/listening to }religious broadcasts; frequency of engaging in prayer; frequency of participation in church-related activities (other than services); and frequency of church attendance.
Children raised in intact families are more likely to have stable and healthy romantic relationships as adults. Compared with peers who were raised in a home with married parents, males whose parents never married were significantly less likely to marry and were more likely to cheat and walk out on their romantic partners. Women with divorced parents had significantly higher rates of cohabitation and          marriage but also had higher rates of dysfunction, such as walking out on their partner and divorce. Women whose parents never married          were also more likely to cohabit with and walk out on their partners than women from homes with married parents.
Intact families are more likely to provide a safe home for children. Compared to peers in intact families, children in other family structures experienced significantly higher rates of exposure to domestic violence. While 9.9 percent of adolescents not living with both biological parents reported witnessing violence in their homes, only 4.4 percent of those living with both biological parents reported the same. In addition, 6.9 percent of adolescents not living with both biological parents reported that they had been the direct victims of domestic violence, compared to 3.5 percent of those living with both biological parents. Finally, 11.5 percent of adolescents who did not live with both parents reported that they had both witnessed and been the victims of violence in their homesâtwice the percentage (5.8 percent) of peers living with both biological parents.
Married mothers tend to create a better home environment for their infants. Married mothers also tended to interact more positively with their infants compared to cohabiting or single mothers.
Married mothers are less likely to experience abuse and violence. Even when the very high rates of abuse of separated and divorced mothers were added into the statistic, the rates of abuse among mothers who had ever been married were still lower than the rates of abuse among women who had never married and those who were cohabiting. Among mothers who were currently married or had ever been married, the rate of abuse was 38.5 per 1,000 mothers. Among mothers who have never been married          the rate was 81 per 1,000 mothers.
Married fathers tend to have better psychological well-being. Divorced fathers were, on average, more depressed than their married counterparts, whether or not their children resided with them (The heritage foundation, 2015 )

While children tend to fare better with both parents, we find that high conflict married couples and single-mother families are more similar than different in the outcomes examined and, where there are differences, they are not uniformly in one direction. How parents manage disagreement may be a key factor in childrenâs perceptions of conflict and thus how they are affected by conflict. In cooperating, for example, how often disagreements become angry and violent, or how often parents reach resolutions or offer reassurances to children, may lead to better estimates of the associations between parental conflict and child well-being. I may add that marriage is not a blanket prescription for the well-being of children, any more than it is for the well-being of adults, in this case being the married couple in question.
It is apparent that single-parent households, whether headed by a mother or father, have more to deal with than two-parent homes. Mothers and fathers in these homes are more stressed due to having even greater responsibilities put on their shoulders. Both children and parents in these circumstances need to be aware of the added stress that both are likely under. There are many resources and a great deal of information out there to assist struggling parents who don't have that added support when they are without a parent or partner to share all of the important duties. There are organizations out there to help these families. Parents Without Partners is an extremely well-known single parenting support group. This organization provides single-parents and the children in these households with educational, family and recreational activities such as lectures, training seminars, picnics, and potluck suppers. Solo Parenting Alliance is another organization meant for single parents that offers access to programs that teach people to be better parents. There are numerous websites out there also meant to support single parents. One of these websites is that of Parentsplace It hosts a number of varied sites where single mothers and fathers can get information as well as chat with other single parents. Single parents are not alone and should take the steps to better their situation given the resources out there.
With this special situation there are some things that single mothers and fathers can do to better their circumstances. These parents need to establish strong support networks, personal friendships, and new social networks. If needed, they should work on improving their self-esteem as well. with their children. Having clearly-defined roles within the household also helps to compensate for some of the challenges that single-parent families face. Single parents should provide structure for their children with regular meals, chores, school work, entertainment and bed-time. Routines help children to feel more secure and less anxious. It is also important that single mothers and fathers not rely on their children to fill adult roles. Communication, understanding, and cooperation are encouraged. Regular, positive family meetings are a great way to support such things. Single parenting is challenging but with some effort it can definitely work.
It is apparent that single-parent households will continue to exist in society. It is also evident that children in two-parent households generally fare better than children who are raised by only one parent. With single parenthood being such a commonality in today's world, it is important to take a close look at the research out there regarding this type of family unit and the effects it can have on children. With this knowledge, individuals are better able to address the many challenges accompanying single parenthood. Being a part of a single-parent household does not forecast an unhappy home, and when armed with the right tools and knowledge such a family can succeed. Parenthood is challenging. Single-parenthood is excruciatingly challenging. Knowledge is the key that makes the difference.
Since self-esteem plays a critical role in human adjustment it is necessary that parents, teachers, educational administrators, counselors and policy makers develop strategies to enhance self-esteem among the students. Since there is a wide continuum of issues that determine the level of self-esteem there is need to consider self-esteem as an issue for every student without bias to the type of parenting. It is also necessary to establish and work on specific issues that students from single parent families have to contend with in order to help them enhance their level of self-esteem. It is also necessary to educate parents in both single and dual parent families on the importance of self-esteem to a studentâs well being and academic adjustment and equip them with strategies to help then enhance their childrenâs self-esteem. The single parent's sense of self-respect and fulfillment can provide an excellent anchor for children. Many single parents learn to live on reduced incomes, find acceptable ways to deal with a non-custodial parent, and redefine their relationships