Random start to a story. suggestions welcome |
That dreaded sound of the alam clock. The one I know I set last night along with three others to make sure i get up. I absolutely hate that sound. It means I have to get up and go out into the world. Socialize and try to live my life and be happy. Not that it happens much. I drag myself out of bed and just stand there for a minute. I really just want to crawl back under my blankets and just sleep the day away. I finally go take a shower. Turning the hot water on high to maybe wake myself up.it never really works though.I know the reason I cant wake up is because I barely got any sleep. Too much homework and stress on my mind. I finish my shower and go to my room to finish getting ready. Picking out cloths aand makeup drying my hair all of it just to look presentable for people who don’t even care unless I don’t do it. Id rather give them less to tease about though. I guess I should tell you who I am though. Im no one special mind you. Just another simple teenager trying to make it in this world, im five foot tall with short red hair. Im origanlly a blonde but I started dying it in eight grade and haven’t gone back. I have a curvy body I guess that’s attractive to some people but I don’t really like my extra pounds. Im a creative happyish person. It just depends on whats around me. I have a thing where I feed off the emotions or things around me. If others are happy I kinda am if the mood is quiet and somber I wont say a word. I live with my father and my uncle but my uncle is just a 30 year old teenager. My mother is still around I guess but shes kinda cut off our relationship so we don’t talk. I guess that’s my fault though… I don’t have siblings that I can see but I have my two best friends who are just like sisters to me. I want to be a veterinarian when I go to collage but I don’t know if that will happen. My grades and life arnt really together for that. I don’t really care how people feel about me but im kinda forced to notice it. Its not hard to notice though. I love music. I grew up on country but got into the heavier stuff around eighth grade when the depression hit me full force. But that’s another story. I eat breakfast even though I could go without. Hunger isn’t something that bothers me really. Theres people hungrier than me. My father takes me to school and then goes to work. I walk up to the door just hoping im not noticed or I don’t trip or fall. Just hoping I look normal when I walk. I get in the door and walk into the cafeteria and my skin starts to crawl I feel like everyone stares. I know they don’t but I feel like they do. I sit her the first two class periods just hoping that I can stay out of peoples way and not be noticed. Its easy when I get the back table in the corner. That’s the place I like. I have a few people I know that come at the end of their second period. But they arnt so much friends as just people I talk to. I don’t have many true friends that I actually trust. When we can finally go to class I put in my headphones. If only to block out the noise of others and make me feel like im safe in my own world. Music is my one safety. This is what I do between all my classes. I just try not to have menta; break downs along the way. I feel like most of my teachers like me. Or at least I hope so, im mostly quiet in their classes I don’t really cause trouble. After third period I normally meet up with one of my beast friends. I only see her twice during most days. I try to get through the day withut any spikes in my moods or any break downs. Sometimes it works sometimes it dosnt. At lunch as im walking to my table I have to mentally prepare myself. The feeling that everyones looking at me comes back.i cant shake that feeling all through lunch. Some days I cant go get food because my confidence just escapes me. Ill go hungry if it lets me just feel comftorable in my own skin. My leats favorite classes are after lunch all except my geometry class where I actually have friends. My last class is the worst I just want to get out of school. But the bell cant ring fast enough, most kids just want to go party or hang out with friends. I just cant wait to get home away from people. I sit and wait for my father to pick me up. Im 16 without my licence because I get so anxious behind the wheel. My father dosnt help much. I feel like hes always yelling at me even though he says hes not. When I get home I escape to my room. I can only escape an hour or two because im the only one that cooks in my house. But that’s ok because I love to cook.after that’s done I feel like I have to spend time with my father he gets mad if I don’t. so we sit and watch a movie. I normally go to bed around one or two in the morning. I just cant seem to shut my mind off. I just think about everything I could change or all the mistakes I could of prevented. I think back to my past and that destroys me. But that’s my day and I live it every day of the year. |