Graveyard shift

I was recently promoted to, lets just call it Administrator, but the promotion required me to move to graveyard. I remember the first week attempting to transition. My wife was having a miscarriage so half the week was spent at the hospital due to complications.

The week before my new shift, I remember feeling excited about getting this promotion. It would give me the opportunity to focus on catching up and learning things which my job requires, specifically, programming and a new operating system. This new job is a transition into my desired career change, "IT". I've just finished my second week in this, and I'm finding it's not all its cracked up to be.

This is my third weekend and I've spent about four hours attempting to learn basics. Why has it taken me more than one year to finally get started and self-educate what I need to learn? In truth, I've spent the last year playing video games in my spare time because I'm probably addicted to them and I'd rather escape. I'm also afraid I won't understand the ins and outs the knowledge the position requires. Mostly, I'm afraid that I switched careers into the wrong one. Scary ehh? I've spent four hours and all I learned was the point of a "sha-bang".

More importantly, the past year, since starting into a new career, I've started to learn a great deal about myself, some of which, I'm not liking. I've analyzed my parents parenting and have become angry at both of them. Why couldn't they get help for my ADD, or support me when I needed it. All I received was criticism for doing this wrong and video games as an award for good grades. My mother did attempt to push me into programming, but one day after wiping a 7 page program she had me copy out of an old MacWorld or Nibble magazine, she quit on me and never had me attempt to write/copy another program. I can't remember her being mad, but I remember the general feeling I felt. Disappointment. There was no comfort or start over. Just moved on with life.

Now here I am, 36 (almost 37) trying to learn programming again. But this time, I can't focus. I want to but the TV is a lot easier. Halo 5 is a lot easier. Elder Scrolls is too easy.