Golden Eyes

The walls closed in on John as he looked outside; the rain blurred the glass, obscuring his vision. He wanted to see, he wanted to know but somehow it was all being forced away. Why was this so difficult, a decision had had to be made, he knew that, the ground they'd covered over and over again had to be cleared once and for all, they did it, the decision was final. Why did it have to be like this though? What had Francis done to deserve this treatment? The sounds from the other side of the house raised the hairs on his neck, he looked harder through the window, yet still he couldn't see; if only for her, if not for him, but it wasn't enough.

Today had been no different to any other day, the sun lower in the sky and weaker now, diffused nature's colours at this time of year. He'd left at seven a.m. for work leaving Francis with Joanne. Joanne had been with the family for as long as John could remember and Francis had that I love you daddy with a sleepy smile look, as he left the house.

But now, it was dark, no sunlight to raise the life in John, only this growing determination that this would be dealt with properly, that Francis would recover and not be afraid ever again. So young, yet he could not go to her, not yet, he could hear her calling but still he stood in the room, the same room. He was drawn by the marks left behind on the floor, turning away, he once again tried to see through the glass trying to bring something together but he couldn't see it, he did, of course see but his mind could not comprehend.

Work had been normal until the phone call, not from the school as he would have expected, but from the police station, he spoke for only a short time, left the office and rushed home. The lights were burning into his head as he arrived, his pulse raced as he pulled his car to an abrupt halt. He demanded to know where they were but was stopped from entering, he soon found Francis sitting, shivering in an ambulance, whispering 'Mummy' repeatedly. John was confused by this until he at last managed to speak to someone. He gradually became aware of the evening's events. These were the events that he was still replaying in his mind, the details he was now trying to remove once he'd learned them. The bookcase came at him from his peripheral vision, marked in red, it overwhelmed him and his fist met with the wall in response, the vibration rapidly moving through his arm to the pain centre of his brain. He sat like a child until the pain eased and then gradually he got to his feet and once more walked towards the window.

The torrents had finally ceased and he saw the police car pulling away, he stared at familiar golden eyes in the back seat, his ex-wife Claudia. Behind it was the coroner's car, taking Joanna. How could he go to Francis and comfort her, how could he look into those same golden eyes and wonder how much of her mother lay within.