The Most Optimistic Tragedy 1

The Most Optimistic Tragedy


1
"In fact, everything is very simply constructed.
Well, if you do not go into the details, of course ... "
Angel

And however the beginning of spring in New York is not different from the end of the winter. Just the same humidity, the same piercing wind, the same low overcast sky clinging to the bare treetops. Just the same black crows sitting on black branches try to over-croak each other. Only occasionally, the east wind brings the smell of the sea and hope. So the first of March in New York is not different from the twenty-eighth of February, and from the twenty-ninth one also. And not only in New York.
To such an important conclusion I came when returning home from the evening classes in college about 11 pm. New York's Subway: dim yellow light, stale air, and dirty walls. There are crowds of people. All of them are tired, hungry, the longing in their eyes, in my eyes - for sure. The lonely rat is busily romping between the rails. It seems that it is the only creature here who knows exactly the meaning of life. I sighed sadly: "Now half an hour shaking in the train, then, waiting for the bus in the icy wind!"
There is one consolation – spring is coming soon. I looked around with hope. Unfortunately, no signs of awakening to a new life were observed here, under the ground.
Well, okay, my family, my husband and my younger daughter will warmly welcome me at home. However, I can only crawl to the creaky couch bed and fall asleep. Actually, how can you fall asleep with all the garbage spinning in your head? «Rubbish in your head is the Sponsor of your insomnia!”
And at 6: 30 am, my mother-in-law will start pouring a thin stream of water from the faucet to a huge enameled mug. She will moan and groan: "Oh, I don’t know, I don’t know, I don’t know ... I do not want anything! Nothing, nothing, nothing!”
It causes the desire to apologize to her: "I'm sorry that we live in! "Then she begins to cook her oatmeal and scrape the spoon in the pan for two hours. Sometimes she is surprisingly patient! By the way, the living room is combined with the kitchen. So our morning is always fresh and vigorous. And we have a particularly acute feeling of ecstasy of awaking up on our days off!
But, unfortunately, tomorrow I won't be able to enjoy these sensations. This time tomorrow I'll be on my way to work. And right from there I am going to the college. And then there are all sorts of research papers for me to do. And in addition, there are three essays.
Noticing that I started whimpering with self-pity for myself, I looked around for distraction. Perhaps, the unfortunate view of the surrounding people will cheer me up somehow?
The family of Arabs or Hindu was located near the iron column, close to the edge of the platform. A boy, six years old, stares at the others. He is still interested in everything. His eyes are large, dark brown, deep, with a twinkle.
«So much like the eyes our elder daughter Eve had», - I automatically noticed.
There is rumble of the approaching train. I'm at the end of the platform. I need the last car. The cars of the braking train fly past so cheerfully, so temptingly that I want to touch them. A stupid, inexplicable urge of the tired sleepy person.
A tall, stout woman was standing her back to the tracks. For any reason, the boy wanted to slip behind her. She was frightened and involuntarily stepped back. With all of her weight, she gave so much acceleration to the child's light body that he flew to the racing cars! It was enough for me to make a step to push him back. And from the touching of the cars (a dream of the idiot came true) I flew straight to the column. Its yellow, dirty tile was the last thing that pictured in my mind.
Screams, squeals, bright light! I even had not felt any pain. I just had time to think with relief: "now at least, no need to make up these research papers!” And then there was complete darkness and silence …




2

"Look, if the homework poisons your life so much that you feel relief from death, maybe, you should quit the college? Or at least study worse? "C" - is also a good grade "- a voice sounded in my head.
"Well, I cannot somehow, I used to. Wait, what is such a death? What are you talking about? "- I became alarmed.
"Ah, I see you're already right. Have you pulled yourself together a little bit? "- I heard in response.
The thought flashed in my mind: "This is someone talking to me, or do I hear my own thoughts?"
"That's me - your companion in this world" – the voice sounded.
"And yet have I already died? Is it once and for all? And where is the tunnel with light at the end? Why have they not shown it to me? "- I tried to rebel.
"Everything was shown to you. It’s likely, you had not noticed. Open your eyes! "
"What eyes! Well, I opened ..." I lay on the beautiful lawn. Bright green grass and some wildflowers were around me. There is such a familiar and strong aroma as in my childhood in the dacha garden before the storm. The air is so clean and clear that the smallest veins on every blade of grass are clearly visible. And such colorful and big-eyed insects and gnats - just a lovely sight!
The sounds are very distinct and clear: one can hear the rustle of butterfly wings, the rump of ants. The feeling is as if there were no air at all.
"But something must be, otherwise how do sounds and smells spread? "- I thought.
"If you are very curious about how things work here, you can go to the library," – the familiar voice sounded again. I quickly sat up on the grass. A bearded man, of medium height and age stood before me. He was more like a peasant from Russian fairy tales than an angel.
"Why do you look so strange?" - I was surprised.
"I can take the form of an angel, if it is more commonplace for you," – he said reasonably.
I perked up: "Can you become a female? Otherwise I'm always going to worry about what I look like. I’m afraid not so good, after I imprinted my physiognomy on the tiled column.
The peasant thought and said: "As you like. I can just transform into a voice in your head. "
"And how can I discern if it is you who speaks, or it is my own thoughts?"
"We, angels, unlike some people, do not burr", - he retorted with dignity. I was confused: "Well, take the form of an angel, but not a very shining one." Quite a pleasant creature with intelligent eyes and small wings appeared next to me.
"How do I call you?" - I asked. "Simply Angel" - he said modestly.
Feeling more confident, I said firmly, "Well, let's put things in order, I'm here to do what?"
My guide smiled wryly: "Usually such a question arises in the minds of babies, who are newly resurgent on earth. However, as they grow older, they are so immersed in the vain things that they are asking themselves this question less and less often , and they should not ... " - he rolled his eyes sadly.
My insistent glance snapped the angel's philosophical speechmaking. "You are, in fact, at home, we can say, near your source. You are a local, if that, like all people, "- he said simply.
I humbly said:” And yet have I already died?”
He looked at me oddly: "To be honest, not yet. So far, the doctors are fighting for your life. "
"Somehow I cannot hear confidence in your words," - I tried to make a joke.
"It's not that," - he began to explain: "The doctors, of course, do their duty. Hippocratic Oath and all like that. But in such disputable cases, you are held on tight by the prayers of all those who love you: your family, your friends, your parents …"
"Oh!" - I was scared, "I hope mom and dad don't know anything yet! Why should they worry in advance? After all, it is not quite clear? "
He said: "They should worry. They would have made a significant contribution to the balance of fate”. I shook my head in disagreement: "No, only in the most extreme case. My God! And how my Eric and Artie! They are probably going crazy, poor! What a mess! "
The angel nodded, "Oh, you can be sure."
"What shall I do?"
"For a while you cannot do anything. But not to waste time in vain, I suggest a walk through the territory, "- he struck up a professional guide tone:" Here we have something changed. There are a few things you might forget in the vanity of vanities. Well, ask me! "
I quickly blurted out, "Why is everything so bright, clear? Why is it more real and tangible than on earth? Probably because my imperfect earthly hearing, sight and smelling no longer interfere with my perception directly? All of that remained in my earthly body? "- I suggested."And by the way, well, suddenly I go back to life, and my face is disfigured? And if by any chance, I am a cripple? "
"Yes!" - He readily supported it: "Or maybe you have lost your legs, for example»
"What?" - I cried, "You know something about this!? I do not want to live, I’d rather stay dead!"
"You really can imagine how your family will suffer, can't you? Have you forgotten what it's to lose your loved ones? "- Said the angel.
"No, no way, no way! I'd rather be a useless, but living piece of meat. And with my family! Oh, what am I saying? Let everything be good! I can choose suffering for myself, but not for them. What to do? "- I was quite confused.
"Chill out!" - My guide advised me, "Now you decide nothing. Let's take a walk.



3

The magnificent scenery stretched around us. It seemed that it was the middle of the summer day. There were a lot of trees and bright flowers there. The air was filled with the scent of warm grass and ripe apples. It seemed even sticky because of its sweetness. There were neither birds nor butterflies nor wasps, all of the living stood still under the midday sun. Not even the slightest breeze
Peace and bliss. All of nature was lazy, halted by heat. I wanted to dissolve together with nature and absorb the divine appeasement.
The angel and I reached the field of rye and walked slowly along the narrow path. The huge, deep blue sky like the dome was stretched over us to the horizon. In the distance, on the lawn at the edge of the pine forest, I noticed several distinct groups of people. They sang alternately, holding hands, then prostrated, and also made some strange rituals.
The people looked different, but their faces were drawn to the space, located in the center. The groups of people surrounded this space, like the petals surround the middle of the flower. It looked empty from the place where we watched. Or, perhaps, the people covered the entire picture. Apparently members of each group were united by their group idea, which was distinctive from the ideas of the neighboring groups. However, they all bowed to some united common thing in the center!
"What's going on?" - I asked the angel.
"Now you see all yourself. Just get closer, "- he said.
We walked right up to the group, whose members fervently made crosses. At the same moment, the gentle light shone in the space in the center. It was shining, but not cutting the eye. Something resembling a human silhouette in long robes appeared from this light. He radiated immense all absorbing love! It’s impossible to describe how bright and beautiful he was! My soul trembled and my eyes welled with tears of inexplicable joy! I seemed to dissolve in this divine and unfathomable light!
"Is this God?" - I asked quietly, "Is he a Christian?"
"You see God as you expect to see him in the light of your own ideas about him. God is infinite and united in his infinity. The human mind can’t comprehend him. Therefore, usually, the person perceives him through the prism of his personal experiences and beliefs of his last life "- explained the angel to me.
I asked cautiously: "And if I come to the other groups, can I see God as he is imagined by Muslims, Jews or Buddhists?"
The angel shook his head: "Maybe you can see it. Or maybe you will not see anything, but you only will be surprised for what they're praying. All depends on the openness of your mind and soul. In terms of their level, "- he went on explaining: "If you're ready, then you'll see a lot of beauty and greatness and every time you will learn of your God again!"
Seeing misunderstanding in my eyes, he went on explaining in more detail: “You see, God is everything, he is everywhere. Even limited earth science has proven that all in the universe is composed of only a few species of tiny elementary particles. In various cases, they interact with various vibrations, i.e. energies. One of these particles is even called the God particle. Imagine how far your science stepped. In fact, it admits that God exists! "
I began to understand something: "So it turns out that all around and we are parts of the infinite and diverse sea of energy which people call God? And that means that we are - pieces of God? "
"It's obvious!" - said the angel: "You probably noticed that when a person forgets about his close connection with God, he feels helpless and miserable and thinks his life is meaningless?”
"Exactly! "- I confirmed: "Sometimes I feel like that, especially on Monday morning. I have to take a psychotherapy session for myself all the way to my work", - and I added: "Well, not to commit suicide."
"Yes" - he admitted: "At such moments, your divine spark hardly glimmers in your soul. You can easily go to bad influence, or fall under the negative emotions: despondency, anger, envy, see the list of deadly sins".
"God - is a set of eternal universal laws too, including moral and scientific ones" - continued to reason the Angel: "God - is the energy that is the law, according to which the material world that you know exists, and all the other worlds, which no one knows except God himself. "
"And the fact that all this exists and it somehow still works, is the most significant and conclusive evidence of the existence of God?" - I picked up, inspired by his speech.
"Well, in general, something like that" - my Angel drawled, "Of course, it's a very simplistic view. All details are known to God alone. "
"Well done," - he said approvingly: "you have quickly grasped it. I felt a slight arrogance. But as I have remembered the list of mortal sins I immediately appealed to my natural modesty. "Natural? Behold, the devil, again pride creeps up"- I said to myself," You have to be alert. "

4

While we were discussing the divine themes some movement occurred on the lawn.
I noticed that someone was praying very fervently, staying in the place, but some people was moving from one group to another. Some even began to argue among themselves, but then quickly calmed down, because they were attracted by some action in the center of the clearing.
"However, do not forget," - continued the angel, "that the religion - is not God. Any religion - it's just one of the paths that can lead a person to God. Or it may not lead. It may happen that it will completely withdraw man from God to the false, fictitious ideas. I mean pseudo religions and various sects. They are profitable only for those who consider themselves a mediator between God and man. Those who declare themselves the next Messiah, who knows the true God! "
I decided to clear up: "Does it mean that all sorts of religious canons and rituals are not so important? This is a mere formality? "
The angel thought: "They are very important, but not for God, for man."Seeing the question in my eyes, the angel went on explaining in detail: "See for yourself, if you encourage people: be kind to all, help and forgive, do not make evil and harm to anyone! - It is too general and abstract for the human mind, do you agree?" I nodded involuntarily.
"It is quite another thing when you are inspired from your childhood: pray at a certain time in a certain position in a certain direction of the world, well, and, of course, at the same time, be a good one. By doing so, you live by the laws of God, and therefore you will be happy! Admit it, it sounds more convincing? " I began to understand and enthusiastically picked up: "But it's true! Put the candle into the corner and not into the other. Eat one food and not the other, and only at permitted time (by the way, usually for the benefit of physical health, too), and God will love you and give you happiness! Much easier from time to time to perform an important ritual than to control every moment, just be conscious of your actions, emotions, thoughts”
“Of course, each person must be responsible for that. He should not shift the responsibility to the church to negotiate for him with God. However, it should be noted," - interrupted the angel my tirade: "that all religious rituals and ceremonies help a person to concentrate, to focus on the divine. And this is a lot. Surely, if the soul is empty and the person performs all that formally, his soul will never touch God, even during the most magnificent ceremonies, "- he concluded.
Suddenly, a disheveled blond man jumped up to us. His face was red with rage. The guy rolled his eyes angrily and yelled: "Can anybody explain to me why such individuals are generally allowed here?" He pointed to a swarthy, bearded man. He looked around wildly, obviously not knowing where he was. His clothing was charred and still smoking. He was all covered with soot. Sweat was pouring in streams on his face, his eyes spinning madly. We could hardly make out his muttering.
"Where is the paradise? Where are beautiful virgins? Fooled again! "The blonde continued, "After all, his shahid belt is still hot! And to the paradise at once! "
"What makes you think that this is the paradise?" - My Angel wondered, "Just, you can say it's the sorting and transit point. You will have to work more than one life for heaven. I mean on yourself."
The bearded seemed to wake from his stupor. He glared at the blond and seemingly found the target, at which he had long aimed. He threw himself at the blond, shouting "Death to infidels!"
They violently pummeled each other. It would be impossible to separate them if not for the emergence of a third person in the bale. An uncertain smile wandered on his face framed with side locks, his eyes were running. But having overcome his confusion, he stretched his arms triumphantly over the fighting and peacefully called out to them: "Friends, what wildness? You're not at the market. The representative of God's chosen people I call you goyim to prudence:" They paused for a moment, and then at the same time both of them turned their heads to him slowly. Some new idea began to stir in their eyes. "And where have you sprung from, Parhat Jew?" – The blonde yelled, "You crucified our Christ and now teach others?”
"Well, but he's not yours, he is ours, of the Jews,"- malapropos the Jew had tried to be clever.
It seemed the swarthy man had his personal claim to the newcomer. Both the brunette and the blonde were united by the common idea of anti-Semitism, and rushed to the third one.
"Wait, wait!" - He tried to keep them: "After all, we can agree! Let's talk calmly, conclude any contract. " “Are you kidding us? We know your contracts: you will rob us of our last pants!” All of the three bodies in unison have entwined in a throbbing tangle, and foul has thundered in the best traditions of human culture. In the end, this energetic ravel rolled up to a bald Asian man sitting in the lotus position meditating. At that moment, bliss and detachment were on his face. Screams and pushes rudely wrested him out from nirvana. He opened one eye and growled angrily: "What are you doing? Forget about the past life, better prepare for the future one ". It was said wisely, but recklessly. According to the change of the expression on his face it was clear that the poor fellow had got it. But it was too late!
"Oh, you squint, you will tell us more!"- The zealots of their faiths cried in chorus and rushed at him with their fists! Mantra had not worked, and the Buddhist enthusiastically joined in the fight!
Ahead of my question, the angel began to explain quickly: "Sometimes, members of racial and inter-religious strife come here in quite belligerent mood..."
"Maybe we should intervene?" - I asked hesitantly.
"Sure," - he readily agreed.
We came very close to the fighting, and they suddenly calmed down. Everybody joined hands and walked slowly in a circle, coming up to each group in turn. As soon as they approached a group of Christians, they immediately froze in divine delight. The blonde triumphantly exclaimed: "I told you so! Was I right? “Everybody reverently nodded. Yet when they approached the Muslims, and felt newly comprehended tremulous joy and grace, the blonde calmed down. And so they went from group to group. And tears of joy and enlightenment flowed from their eyes! They embraced and asked for forgiveness from each other in a burst of brotherly love, the love to the Creator and to all things created by the Creator!

5

Next morning I asked my escort, "And how often does it happen here?"
"Not infrequently," - he replied, and, as if apologizing, added: "It will take time for them to see the essence of things".
"What if these people realize that they were fanatics and with the name of God were doing terrible atrocities?" - I did not give up: "They’ll wish sincerely to repent and to atone before God and people.
Maybe it will be useful for them in their future lives to change places with their sworn enemies, won’t it? Maybe even to be martyred for their new faiths? Will this help to speed up the process? "- I asked hopefully.
The angel smiled sadly: "It does not always work. More often then not, they still remain stubborn fanatics who do not want to understand others. Because anything that is too out of measure is always a bad thing. Fanaticism begets only savagery and completely deprives one of the opportunity to think and to love. However if a person believes in God sincerely and deeply in his heart there is love and respect for all of God's creation. Including all world religions. Each of them in their original image is perfect and certainly valuable to human society. By the way, they all agree that God is the only one. "
"It turns out that any religion and its ministers are needed to organize the people and direct them to the good, help them not to harm themselves and others." - I made a conclusion.
"By and large, you are right," - my guide nodded fervently: "All the religions of the world were created by God's providence. But, unfortunately, human nature sometimes prevails even in ecclesiastical spheres. Some ministers themselves do not always believe in God. Otherwise, how can we explain the scandalous exposure of the crimes of priests of all stripes?
And how many of new "only true" beliefs, sects and subsects are created by the conceited power-hungry people? Innumerable legion!” – The angel rolled his eyes sadly: "The most dangerous thing is that these so-called" God's people "often call for inter-religious strife and wars in the name of God! Commit atrocities in the name of God - what could be more cynical and criminal? "- the angel exclaimed. During our communication, I first saw him so angry. "What can we ordinary people do?" - I persisted: "How not to fall into their trap?"
"Listen to your heart, listen to your soul!" - Said the angel simply.
"Easy to say. But this is very hard and long for a simple layman. We are loaded with a lot of petty, but vital fuss! "- I tried to rebel" What does this mean in practice, listen to the heart?”
“Just ask your heart before you do something. If you can ask the right question at the right time, then most likely you already know the right answer. Well, at least, someday you'll know exactly "- added the Angel in a more confident tone."Well, it sounds convincing, even quite applicable in practice "- I put an interested look on. But I was still a little indignant for display: “Seek and ye shall find!” In words, everyone knows that. Just agree if we had not intervened last day, it would last forever!”
"Yes" -agreed the angel: "For some people need hundreds of births. But you're right to have noticed, we have the whole eternity in store, "- he said easily, as if, among other things. But seeing in my eyes pleading and hope for a miracle, he explained: "There is no way other that the passage of one’s own experience. You can fully trust to it only. The politicians and the so-called "people of God", and even parents are always trying to manipulate the human mind. By the way they also take their tests and lessons. They are also susceptible to outside influence. God gave man the mind, the heart, and a free choice. And what is truth and love, that is, God, man is able to understand if he applies these gifts of God, "- explained to me the angel: "Just listen to your soul. It always tells you what is good and what is - evil. Admit it, deep down, people always know it. They often justify their bad commissions and omissions by stating that they allegedly had no choice. But this is a vile lie! Choice is what a person always has! Even in what seems the most desperate situation. God gave you this greatest of gifts, which you often prefer to forget. "

6

We walked slowly toward a small hill, overgrown with tall grass and bushes. Once we reached the top, the angel pointed forward and said: "And here, by the way, is a shining example of what we have talked about."
At the crossroads to a multitude of roads was an old woman – the God dandelion. She looked around in confusion, as if waiting for instructions. He continued, "There are many people like this here, but she is - just the only one in her convinced indecision”
"What do you mean?" - I was surprised. The old woman looked innocent enough, I would say emphatically innocent.
"In other words, her indecision is unwavering and is finally decided," - he pronounced a paradox and himself pondered of his words.
"And has she been here for a long time?" - I asked.
"Yes, almost eternity" - he drawled sadly. At this moment the old woman hesitantly raised her right leg off the ground, intending to make a move to one of the roads. She touched the ground with her toes gently, as if they were made of glass. But immediately she withdrew her leg as if it had been scalded! After she had trampled for a few minutes on the ground, looking around helplessly, she decided to make a choice again. This time she chose a different path. The foot of her leg almost came into contact with the ground. But she withdrew it again as if she had been stung by a scorpion! Moreover, whenever she put her foot back she gave a sigh of great relief. As if she had just narrowly escaped a deadly danger!
At this time, right above her, as to order, the rain poured, and a biting icy wind rose. The old lady was clearly suffering from the bad weather. Her wrinkled face had wrinkled even more; her eyes were watering from the wind. But, obviously, much more she suffered from having to make the choice where to move finally away from the weather! But the more uncomfortable she felt physically, the more determined and stubborn the expression on her face became. Finally, she stood rooted to the spot. The cold rain lashed her and the icy wind blew off her wet light clothing. A sacrificial and proud expression appeared on her face, which happens to people, going to their death for high ideas. She recited pathetically: "Well, again I have no choice! I must suffer and bear my cross to the end! And all this for them, ungrateful! "She sniffed her nose red with the cold. I felt sorry for her and wanted to help her somehow. I naively asked, "Why do not you go, finally, anywhere else? At least, you'll stop soaking and freezing. "
"You what?" - She was terribly indignant that I diminish the significance of her heroic actions, or rather inaction. "Do I have a choice? If I'm going the wrong way, who will ensure that I do not get in a blizzard or an avalanche? Do you think, I'm a fool? If I was put on these rails, so I should be here," - she said stoically.
"Who put you here? What rails "- I did not understand, looking back.
"Oh, not you, for sure! And do not you knock me astray! "
"You are not on any path, you're standing still! And as I heard almost for eternity "- I tried to appeal to her common sense. Obviously, the appeal was to nothing, the common sense was completely absent. Because in response, she recited the whole speech pathetically. And this speech sounded as if she had already repeated it a hundred times, to convince others, and most to herself: "All my life I worked for a pittance and suffered from my husband who was a slacker and a drunkard. He even beat me! "- Said the old woman proudly. "All this for the sake of my bastards of the children!" - She suddenly blurted out rudely. But, recollecting herself, she immediately put the mask of the victim back. In a quiet, faltering voice, she continued: "Whenever the kids begged me to throw their father, I inspired them: “It's all for you. Suffer as I suffer!"
However, the eldest son grew lazy and drug addict, Jr. - a psychopath and a murderer. The daughter was just hysterical. She announced that her child was mentally disabled, for no one to think that she was a bad mother. He started to talk too late, you know "- the angel growled in my ear ironically.
"But they had no other choice" - as if she asked hopefully.
"Oh, yes, of course!" - I picked up: "There is no other choice but to steal, kill and mock their loved ones for their own good!" However, my words did not confuse her. She did enjoy her weak sad voice: "Despite the hard life, I was carrying to everybody light and goodness, as Mother Teresa. I helped them and taught how to live properly, even in spite of their resistance, "- she said with conviction.
"But for what such agony?" - I asked, dumbfounded.
"It's so obvious! Nobody ever even guessed about our suffering! Everyone was sure that we were the perfect family. Thanks to me, of course "- she added with modest dignity.
"Have you sacrificed their lives and happiness of their children for the sake of opinions of strangers?" - I cried in horror and added with feeling: "Yes, you have what you can be proud of! It's time for you to be a canonized martyr."
The old woman did not catch the sarcasm in my words and blushed with pleasure. Obviously, she got great satisfaction!
"It's incredible, to be so sincerely mistaken about oneself!" - I admired involuntarily: "So skillfully deceive oneself!" I wanted to bring it to clean water: "It’s clear, you have not changed your husband, or at least your job, because you didn't have a choice?"
She nodded in response fervently.
"Like now?" - I continued, pointing down to the numerous roads. All sorts of roads, paths and trails stretched before her in welcome, their whole appearance hinting at the absurdity of the situation.
But the old woman did not hesitate and exclaimed joyfully, "Of course! Nobody will take me by my hand and will not send me to the right path. Nobody will take my decision for me. What a pity! It was easier on the earth. There I was put on the track, and I was rolling along all my life "- she said dreamily.
"Poor thing! To accept such suffering voluntarily! For the sake of what? ". I still could not understand."Some people are willing to suffer, being sure that it gives them the right to torture and mock others", - concluded the angel: "Why do they think so? This is a horrific misconception of tyrants! ".
"Well, why immediately tyrants?"- I said incredulously, looking at the seemingly harmless old lady.
"It’s exact!" – The angel insisted: "Tyrants of all calibers, from domestic tyrants to global villains (I do not yet know which of them is more dangerous), sincerely consider themselves holy martyrs, bearing the good and sacrificing themselves for the ungrateful ones. And if they commit a terrible thing, it is only because they have no choice! Fear such people, they can justify any of their crimes! "- He warned. Hearing the words of the angel, the old woman covered her ears, stamped her feet and yelled: "You cannot understand my feat! I will suffer forever, that's my cross! ". And she blew her nose in the wet sleeve, flashing her eyes proudly.
"Okay, we will not disturb you in your sufferings," - said the angel peacefully and continued quietly, turning to me: "It is better to leave her alone. It’s dangerous if she realizes that she was a fool and wasted all of her life and half of the eternity here. She might commit suicide. We do not want such incidents here".
And he looked around warily. “She has another half eternity. Maybe eventually she will get tired of her sufferings”. I nodded in agreement, and we trotted on quietly.
A little later, I asked as seemed to me a tricky question: "Tell me, but her son-killer certainly had no choice when he was sitting in the electric chair. And you stated that a person has always a choice. " But the angel answered without hesitation: “Of course, he had a choice. He could scream in fear and beg for mercy. Or he could spew threats and curses. He also could deeply repent and with dignity and concentration he could accept death as deserved punishment, just praying to himself about the possibility to be forgiven someday"
"Yes, indeed, the choice is huge," - I drawled skeptically: "But, it is unlikely to change his fate."
"Yes, but only in his last earthly life on the physical plane" – The angel agreed "But in the spiritual realm, and for his future lives, the last choice will play a huge determining role», - he said firmly. I did not know what to answer and was lost in thought.

7

Next morning I decided to ask my guide my main question. Now that a lot of things had got clear to me, anyway, they had gained some shape, I ventured to find out the most intimate one for me and asked him gently, "Tell me, where my relatives are who are dead? Do not we meet them here?"
"Yes, of course" - he nodded with hasty willingness. "And not only those who have died." I did not understand the meaning of his last phrase, but decided to postpone my questions. We walked along the bank of a wonderful rivulet. It was so winding and picturesque that the standard comparison occurred to me "as in the paintings of Dutch masters." Indeed, every leaf, every flower was intricately curly. Each stalk and blade in a special winding. And butterflies and bugs had such intricate and iridescent colors as if they had been painted carefully by a talented master’s hand!
But they were living, moving, breathing and singing! "Rather these landscapes were moved by masters from here to canvas on the earth, and not vice versa" - I thought automatically.
Suddenly, on the opposite bank, I saw my parents! Dad was making something, sitting on a low stool. Mother tried to tie the bush of thriving hydrangeas. When they saw me, they smiled and waved in greeting. My heart leaped with gladness, but immediately it sank with fear!
"Wait! What are they doing here! What are they...? "- I cried in horror!
"No, no! They are alive and well "- the angel hastened to reassure me:" These are the major parts of their souls. They are also called "Higher Self." It is always here. It helps and guides that of its piece, which is now embodied in the earthly life. Unfortunately, an earthly piece of the soul is often too narrow-minded because of vain little things in life, thus it is deaf to the prompts from above. It's necessary, you should stop in the flow of life, listen to your own higher self. It does not teach bad things. But your parents are okay with it. They have a lot of love. They spend almost all the time together here. And on the earth, they are embodied so that they will be together here. For them, it is possible because they both have high level.
Suddenly, at the next bend in the river, I see my "favorite relative from my husband." She stands, staring her eyes, looks around and angrily threatens to someone invisible with her fist.
"Is this her higher self?" - I asked curiously,
The angel shook his head sadly: "Unfortunately, it's her whole soul as it is in its entirety. It is sad that even in its full kit it presents such a pitiful sight. I could not believe: "Wait a minute, I talked to her this morning. She was healthier than we all are together. She takes care of herself, as she had not of any of her children. Yes, she cherishes and nurtures her juicer as her favorite child! "
The angel nodded, "That's just this excessive care of herself, and especially that of her juicer that killed her. That ungrateful thing killed the poor little soul. Shock. Cruel and merciless! "
It was so unexpected! I felt sorry for her. I decided to cheer her up somehow. Approaching her I said sympathetically: "Good afternoon, you do not worry, everything will be fine."
In response, she angrily shrugged her shoulders: "Why should I worry? I should not worry, let the doctors worry! I'll make them even! "She shook her fist again to someone invisible:" Where are they? Why don’t they save me? "
I really wanted to continue her speech: "Where is the whole universe? Why does not it revolve around me, precious? ". But it would be too cruel. I tried to be good. Therefore I said to her as softly as possible: "Perhaps nothing more could be done."
"Why is it impossible? Everything is possible, they must! I have the same Medicaid and Medicare, I have the right! "- With indignation she coughed.
I tried to explain the situation: "What right? You're already dead."
However, it did not bother her, "so what, if I am dead? Where's my home attendant? She has no right to leave me. I have diabetes and thyroid cut! Where's my medicine? I cannot be all by myself Where is everybody?! "- She yelled, her face contorted with rage, drool gushed from her mouth!
I called the logic for help: "If you died and are here, it means that you are no longer a physical body. Neither we all are here". She nodded in agreement. Encouraged by success, I tried to complete the logical chain: "This is certainly bad news. But there is some good news. Because it means that you no longer have any health problems."
"It's right," - she supported my words: "no body, therefore, no thyroid either. Am I right? Tell me, am I right? ". I nodded involuntarily. "So, I need a cure for my thyroid" – she completed my logical chain masterfully. Her virtuoso insanity as always had won!
"And how can I call the ambulet?" - She looked businesslike: "Where's the phone? What a disgrace! Well, I'll make it! I'll find them on council "- She shook her fist again and hobbled away, muttering angrily. For some time we could hear: "Goats! Bastards! I’ll bring suit against them! ".
I felt disappointed, "Why do people not begin to see things immediately when coming here?
It would be much more effective if they were able to see things as they are, and themselves and their life immediately! They would assess their actions objectively and soberly and not deceive themselves. And then, I've seen enough of this! "
My angel replied calmly: "It does not always happen immediately after death. Sometimes, it happens after a while, and sometimes, through some lives. "
"Is she irremediable?" - I said with regret. He threw up his hands: "Oh, no! There is nobody so bad! Just it needs time. And there is enough time here. It's the whole eternity."
"But is it not true that each of us tends to quickly understand everything, to pass the trial, to become better!?"- I did not give up.
"Sometimes, just to make this desire arise in humans, it takes the eternity" - he shook his head sadly.
"Yes, it’s truly said God has infinite patience!" - I drawled. My Angel agreed with a sigh.