I Paramedic

I have always felt that being a paramedic was not something I chose, it was a calling, just as God calls some to the service of the church; he called me to the work I so dearly loved. I spend many long hours wondering if I was good enough and after a call I would drive myself crazy going back over it in my mind. Did I do everything right? Could I have done it quicker or better? I think I was at my best when it was busy and I didn't have time to think about it.

I have seen things that few people outside a war zone have seen. Man's inhumanity to man, where someone had done horrible things to others that they claimed to love. I have seen Gods beautiful children go through the worst times of their lives. I have looked at the fear in a tearful face, and had to tell them that the one who has been the love of their life was dead. I have seen murders, suicides, and dead babies. I have longed for wings or foresight to be where there was need.

Through all of this God has never left me. He blessed me with people who have enriched my life. Mentors who taught me being a paramedic was as much from the heart as from the head. Many elderly that have brightened my day and shared their wisdom. People who were in terrible pain whose only thought was of others. God allowed me to be present as a husband and wife held each other and kissed for the last time. Both knowing that when they next held hands, it would be while walking the streets of heaven.

God has taken my hands and used them to restored life to a child. I have been witness to many miracles and wonders. God has been my shield in places where I never thought I would return from. I have gone down streets to care for people who have been shot, or stabbed, and never knew if I was next. God was my protector, my strength. He gave me compassion and tempered my anger when the aggressor also needed my help. He taught me to judge not, and that blood was red regardless of the color of skin or convictions of the heart. He taught me that beauty did not just live in the nice homes, or in the better part of town. He showed me the world good and bad. He made me look at myself and define what I believed. He gave me a wife who did not always understand, but who was always there.

Now I pray for the courage to face the hardest task of all. No more calls to be answered except when I dream. It was cancer that took it all away from me. I miss those who took my hand for comfort; they gave as much to me. I miss the miracles that God let me be part of. I miss the smile on a child's face when I could make it better. I miss the relief in a mother's eyes when she saw that smile.

Paramedic, it is what I wanted to be; it brought out the best in me. It was what I was meant to be.