bottom to top

Smiles fill the room tears hit the ground laugh an karmas are going off. Mom and dad look is priceless there first little girl has been born brought into the earth to leave her markings. Only god knew what was to come. As for me I don't know much that happen till about five years old. I was hit with a serve sickness which left me in hospital were tears was poured not know if there girl was going to pull though. Doctor had told them to say there last good bye there little girl it was time to let her go. They refused to they seen life in only to become to take a risk and fight the pain believing there little girl would come though or not. Only hope was brought and there little girl pulled though a smile on her face that flied there room with belief anything is possible. Tears went down smile and relief had filled the room the sun came out. Life was once reconnected there little girl had a further. Life went on turn a other year older. Am about six now or so, don't member much being so young but one memory that still last is one of worse it was like any other day nini was going to go pick me up take me to school. Nini and papa had came by to go store and by us food it was only me an mommy at home what I recall mommy come to front room cry with a knife and picture book sit on floor started cry an yelling I went and hide in corner she began cut her legs yelling and crying I member get called a bitch and about all then nini and papa came back seen it called for help dad arrived fight cops try to get to mommy I remember dad in cop car mom in ambles. Seven years hit life was doing fine for me at such a young age till one they it would change in blink of a eye. Went to school just like any other day they pulled me out class took me offices left me in a room filled with strangers. They started asking question about mommy and daddy things I knew the answers but refused to say. Get out school mom freaking out these people had inter our life for reason I couldn't understand at the time. Just remember we was have to clean house and talk to these people a lot. One day that change for the worse they made a phone call to mom take us to the house right then and there, I had a bad feeling then mom clamed me down in back of car. We arrived an cat came pull in fast an parking crazy we all went inside then they took us kids to a play room. We played for a moment and they came and got us took us to the room to pick out a toy and took us to their car. Tell us we wouldn't spend the night at home. Broke out in tears not only upset but scared lost confused. They began to call people next thing we knew went to drop of dan all went inside and they told us tell our brother bye they took me and sky back to the car we rode in car forever. Then we went to this family they was sweet but we refused to talk and eat. They took us to their house were they had a pull out bed for us to sleep on. I remember that night I couldn't sleep as I rolled over watch the time missing home not understanding what was going on watch over my little sister. The next they was set us up bunk beds tell u we be there for while we didn't say anything. We rode with them and spent the day with them a phone call came tell them to go meet up some were. We went back to the house gather our stuff and of we went got in car with other person the man said we was going home boy was we happy. We arrived at nini house were nini and mom stood. Jump out of car racing toward there arm like they was worth million dollars it was the best feeling ever we was home. Not long after that the people left us alone. Life was kind of back on track by then mom and dad had got separated we visit dad and mom on different days. This time we all stayed at nini house even mommy get life back on track. Life was going good mom moved back home that year I stayed with her off and on. What can I say I had a bad summer can I say there was moments I wish never came yes that summer I left tons of laughs great story's I could tell me and my mom was tight best friends life was pretty good for me. What she had me in was other point by age twelve I was in drug houses seen people come and go. Seen tons of drugs, at that point I could even tell how much it went for too much it was sold for. I had deal with mom with the many types of highs. Here a few one sleep all day for few day straight, be worried about cops and lash out, be a complete different person, act like a mother she wasn't. After all I didn't care I was with mommy. The worse had yet to come it about febaury now we was going to the tattoo convetion which aant lie it was always fun with mom. Moment I never can get out my mind we went home and she cooked for me but, yet the worse question to ever ask. " Can I do this bump" I told her no but, didn't matter why she ask all she done was turn half around and shot it up. Was I hurt accurse but, never said a word. That year is about all I really remember school was coming back. Few years past I flew to the floor found out my best friend, my world my partner in crime. Papa would always tell us he was sick I was still pretty young so I never really understood papa would always have a "spell" they always lasted a few hrs. Papa could always make a bad day at school become well come home to a bacon sandwich of anything he cook. Stay up late he told you stories of his pass made a night fly by. Shot a gun in the air and run a hiding papa always knew the answer he was the best. One day we got told he has cancer and would not live long I didn't accepted it, to me it was papa spell he be better soon. I spent every minute together one day papa didn't wake up. My life turn I had nun left my life went downhill. I miss him so much I try to stay up but it hard. I learned to cope and move on a little. Around the same time mom sold her house she was back to her old ways and what she wanted it was hard I was only one there to help here. Dad drinking was also out control. After that life was going pretty good. I hit a bump I began cut I never told anyone but, my best friend it tore her up and we didn't knew what to do I kept secret about a year and one day I broke down. The truth came out I told family they kind of rejected it they didn't know why I did it but, yet they never stop and think what they was put me though. I cut a lot more than they ever knew about I never got the help I should have got it was a big deal for few weeks then faded in their eyes but I was still struggling. Life was going pretty good for my life. This past summer I began to stay with dad to me this were I missed up. As of me I worked since I was able to dad drinking was out control. One night it was so bad I called cops myself trying to give him a wakeup call, did it work no. later on it came crazy it was always drinking be hide our backs I wasn't stupid I knew the truth. One day he asked for gas money which I didn't mind. Few days later no was so call no gas I was pissed off I was on a mission to find his hidden drinks only as I did. I blew up that night maybe I shouldn't but, not only using his daughter money for alcohol he was risking both his girls' lives. Ever since that night nothing been the same. Finger was pointed and spot light was off of him. I was the bad one. As of today I knew he lies about it. Does he or anyone stop and realize how many times he drove us that could end our lives? As of today he could end my little sister life so young and could end her further by on bottle sorry I don't believe he stopped am not dumb I one and visit when are you going grew up go get help you need, yea be gone few months in stand of a life time. As that summer I began get into fight almost nightly walking the street with megan not knowing where to go. Then family started asking doesn't it suck not know where your next meal come from, were you going lay your head. Got to the point it was old being homeless at night daily fights so I step and moved was it hard? Ask yourself this you just won a million dollar and lost it at a store. I knew it would be the best for me. There was a lot of hate during the time blaming me for it all. Like have they never laid back and see it all lead to them have addiction. I was get back on track do good then lied about I was arrested for mental health warrant to this day I can't forgive not only was it lies it ruined what I had work for four years. How could you knew what you said about me if you wasn't around me or talk to me in weeks you was out of it on drugs many had agree many agree what you did was more than wrong but being the person I am I grew from it. Cause of it I lost change get my can I dreamed of two year of free college down in mud. I didn't think I could grow from it but, yet what yall did made me a whole lot stronger. Not only have I moved always from it all own my own car. Rent my own place, getting my high school done be attending college in 2016 did I say get help to on top now. Anyone out there thinking suicide the answer it not I been there tried it but I promise it gets better paying for my school cause if yall. This ant all my story there tons more to tell this just what brought me down to nun.