Home Alone

I grabbed the door knob and turned it, to see who was knocking on my door, I swing the door open and say, "Hello". I look upon at a five foot two strawberry blonde in a beige sundress that showed off her petite body. I only glance at her eyes for a minute knowing if I looked to long I would get lost in them, she absolutely captivated me. I turned and walked back inside leaving the door open for her to follow, smiling I greet her again, "Morning Steph". As I heard her voice My smile widened as she replied "Good morning Michael". She was the only person in the world that called me Michael, everybody else merely called me Mike. She went on to apologize for disturbing me and asked if she could ask a favor of me. Steph got anything she wanted, she was one of those girl's everybody loves. She knew she had a way with people but was far to nice to ever take advantage of anyone. She told me she only had a few minutes and she had to get to work to open the store up. Steph work at an Indy record shop that sold records only hipsters and cool underground kids listen to. Don't get her wrong Steph is very diverse and fits in with any crowd, she was homecoming queen her senior year. She was a girl that was an individual, she didn't shove it in people's faces but embraced people's differences and for this people cherished her.

I met her in the beginning of my junior year of high school, she was a year older than me. Her boyfriend was in one of my classes and invited me to hang out with his friends and there she was. We hung out a few times and developed a close friendship. I wish I could say it was love at first sight but she would not disrespect her boyfriend by even considering the notion with me. Despite her great set of morals her boyfriend got little jealous and stopped inviting me along. My feelings weren't hurt, I still saw her at school and remained friends. One day sitting in class her boyfriend made some comment like I don't know what to do with this girl. With no other reason but to be nosey I asked what was wrong, he explained that him and Steph were having problems. I didn't give a thought to what his reaction might be and with more a statement of fact than wishful thinking I told him,

"If you two brake up, I am going to date her"

I don't think he spoke more than ten words to me ever again. They did brake up and with in two months we were dating. The relationship wasn't some high school puppy love but like two best friends who engaged in sexual acts. She is the first and maybe the only person to ever really understand me. That doesn't speak to the bond we had but to the amazing person Steph is. Steph drove a 64 Nova her dad rebuilt, she never let anyone drive it, until prom my senior year. I had a jeep I really liked but it wasn't a hooked up muscle car. Prom was amazing a very very fast car, a beautiful girl in a skimpy black dress, and dancing with her all night. I remember thinking that night I could just hold her forever. Holding her forever was what I planned until right before she left my house that night, she told me she was moving to California. She said she didn't want to tie me down with a long distance thing since I was starting college in a few months. If any other person would have said that I would have called bullshit but Steph always thought of others first, one of the reasons everyone liked her. That night we broke up but remained friends while she moved away and when she moved back almost a year later.

Steph raised her voice at me, " would you stop walking and listen for a minute, I only have a few moments before work"

I did this every time she was around, I would steal every little millisecond I could just to spend time with her. I enjoyed the time we spent and she knew exactly what I was up to, this is why she raised her voice. I could talk to her for days on end, I paused and turned around looking straight into her eyes and say, "well, what's the favor"?

She wanted to know if she could have a party at my house this upcoming Saturday. Barely twenty and owned my own house, many people were jealous of this. True, I owned a house, a nice two story with a good size yard, I also had a sizable trust fund and was going to school on a full scholarship, however this was all the consequence of a fatal car crash. When I was sixteen my parents were killed by a drunk driver. In their will I got everything plus two life insurance policies which would keep me financially secure if I didn't get crazy and blow my wad on stupid trivial things. On top of it all the university gave me a full ride, books and dorm included, they said it was from non profit to help kids who lost their parents to help them live a decent life. It may sound weird to most people that I would allow a party with alcohol at my house since a DUI took my parents. Truth of the matter I didn't hate alcohol, I didn't even blame it as the problem, I blamed the poor choices people make for the death on my family. At this point in my life I actually felt sorry for the driver, he asked to speak to me after he was sentenced to three years. I could see in his eyes taking life effected him more than any hate I could spew his way. He apologized repeatedly and cried not for his time he was going to lose but genuine disgust that he stole a mother and father from their only son. We wrote letters to each other while he was doing his time. I was told that this act wasn't healthy and I should stop, so I stopped telling people about it. No one knew until Step found the letters one night while she was cleaning.

When Steph moved back from California she moved in with me, not in a romantic way but as roommates. Good friends who could tolerate each other and were beyond comfortable sharing a living space. Sharing is sort of misleading, she had the whole upstairs to herself, I almost never went up there. She insisted on paying rent and didn't want to mooch but to be a responsible person. She moved out a few months later school and a part time job was making it hard to make ends meet. I insisted I didn't need money for rent but she always paid her own fair share. She moved back in wth her parents and my upstairs became a ghost town.

Steph kept saying she would keep the party calm with minimal people and would clean up after. I gave her a look that her last few sentences were worthless. She sighed reading my face wondering if the assertion was worthless. It was completely worthless, I told her if anyone was welcome here it was her, then I asked if she still had my key. She replied,

"I do? Will you not be here?"

I told her that was meeting with my school group to work on the project but might be here later that night. She smiled, her eyes got big with excitement and stated as she left me house,

"Thank you, thank you so much, I'll see you Saturday, I have to get to work, bye Michael".


******


I grabbed the door knob and turned it, walking into my house I expected louder music more people and much more of a ruckus. I was being stereotypical about people who work at a Indy record store, but I figured they would be more rambunctious. I found about ten to twenty people, most sitting around the dinning room table playing cards and the rest were gathered around watching and mixing new types of drinks and insisting everyone needs to try them. I recognized two of them guys I knew from Steph's work. One stood up and shook my hand like I just solved world hunger, then told me how gracious he was for letting them use my house. Some cute girl in a little skirt and skimpy tank top with no bra, walked up and pushed a drink towards me saying,

"Oh, this is your place, it's nice, here have a drink, I just made it"

I told her, "thanks but I don't drink, is there still bottled water in the fridge"? Before she could even answer I was pulling a cold bottle out and twisting off the cap. I could hear two people mumbling about how I don't drink because how my parents died. The last thing I wanted was to ruin Steph's party, so I excused my self to the living room and began watching tv. Steph came in to see if I was alright, I reassured her I was just tired from working on the project for school and just wanted to sit and mindlessly watch tv. She smiled and said if I needed anything to just call for her.

I must have been more tired than I knew, Steph was grabbing my hand pulling me up off the couch. I opened my eyes and look into her beautiful eyes as she whispers, "let's go to bed". I felt like she always took care of me, I thought as began to stand that she must have checked on me and I was passed out. So being the good person she is, she would turn off the tv and lay me down to sleep. I smiled as I wondered, would she tuck me in. As she led me by my hand passed the dinning room I noticed the house was empty and everything was cleaned up. I guess the last thank you from Steph was putting me in my king size bed instead of getting a kinked neck from sleeping on the couch. In all reality I spent almost as much time sleeping on that couch then I did in my bed.

We walked into my room and I peeled off my shirt and took off my pants leaving me in just my boxers. Steph was use to this site, I would roam around the house just in boxers every morning until my lazy ass finally decided to get dressed. I pulled back the covers and climbed into the comfy bed, holding my breath to see if she would tuck my in. She did not tuck me in but kicked off her shoes and laid down next to me. She was in jeans and a tank top and just like the drink pushing pretty girl Steph wasn't wearing a bra either. I don't know if it was some new trend, a feminist thing or just for comfort but I was more than ok with it. I looked at Steph as she laid next to me, she had perfect little perky B cups. I pulled her in close to cuddle up to her, she is one of the best cuddlers on earth. When she lived with me, we spent many nights cuddled up on that couch watching movies. It never ended in anything sexual just two people who cared about each other embracing and relaxing. I thought this would be a perfect way to fall back asleep, I was already half way there and figured cuddling would make me pass out quick.

Her hand touched my hand and moved it up from around her waist to bottom of her chest. I smiled at her, thinking maybe I'll get to "accidentally" brush against her boob. There was no brushing, she looked me in the eyes as she moved our hands on to her breast and began to gently squeeze it. Her hand controlled mine as I rubbed her breasts, she slide in closer never braking eye contact. I was captivated by them, glassy green like lake water forged into a beautiful marble. Unable to look away I kissed her, her hands wrapped around me while my hands continued the act she started. My hand moved from in top her shirt to moving her shirt up high by her neck exposing her bare breast. I kissed her lips and moved down to kiss her pink nipples. My hands roamed down towards her pants, as I kissed her breast, my hand started to slide down her pants as Steph spoke in a slightest whisper, "I'm not wearing panties". I was already turned on but hearing her say that made me harder than I had ever been. My hand proceeded and at first touch feeling how warm she was between her legs she let out a moan of pleasure. Shortly I was unbuttoning her pants and pulling them off. I threw them on the ground and climbed on top of her. I began to kiss her and as I slide inside of her she moaned again.

I wasn't wrong being next to her that it would cause me to pass out, some of the best sleep I ever had. I woke by Steph hugging me, I could see she was fully dressed and about to leave. She told me she had to go so she could get home shower and make it to work on time. She kissed me then told me she would talk to me later, smiling I fell back asleep.


******


I grabbed the door knob and turned it, Steph was standing at the door. This time of night she must have just got off work, she came in stating she wanted to talk to me. It's been a couple weeks since the night of the party and I was hoping that she couldn't get me off her mind. She sat down on the couch stating how she as been lost in her head. I smiled waiting for her to say how she couldn't stop thinking about me. She did say she couldn't stop thinking of me but I when she did I quit smiling. She told me how she been thinking about everything thing we had done and she wanted me to know she was pregnant. I didn't mean for it to sound like I was calling her a slut l, I merely wanted to be certain it was mine. I wasn't seeing anyone and I don't think she was but I wanted to make sure so I asked,

"who's is it".

Her face saddened as she heard the questions, with a shaky voice Steph replied,

"Yours, I haven't been with anyone else".

I wanted to reach over and hug her but I felt like a giant ass with that question. Steph is one if not he best person I have met, of course she had only been with me. We sat in silence for a couple minutes processing the information, that few minutes seemed like hours and hours. I did not have a clue what to say to her, I just wanted to hug her. All different scenarios raced through my mind. Abort it and move on with our lives, however I couldn't stop this yearning that I wanted to build a future with Steph. If I had to I could drop out of school and take care of the kid so she could finish her dreams of school. I was set in my life and could always go back later after she had her career and the child was in school also. Maybe the only good thing about losing my parents is that it gave me the means to be the best parent possible. I grabbed her hand telling her I am here for her, as I looked into those amazing eyes I saw an uncertainty. Glazed by forming tears and an unsettled look as if searching for the right answer, she lowered her head. At that moment the eyes I always got lost in seemed to be not letting me in. I told her that whatever she want to do "I am her for you", I reassured her that no matter the choice. Her head lowered a little more as she quietly spoke,

"I know what I'm going to do and have an appointment for next week".

My heart skipped a beat, I can't say it made me sad but I almost wanted to keep it. I asserted again that whatever I would be there for her. I told here I would give her money for it and she firmly said no and insisted that all she wanted was for me to take her to the appointment and be with her during. Without hesitation I told Steph "anything for you".

I didn't hear from Steph for a week, every night was virtually sleepless, I could process the events that had passed. Unsure if I should try to engage in a deep conversation with her. I think the best thing would be to support her in the decision she had made. My phone rang, it was Steph letting me know she would be over tomorrow at seven in the morning so I could drive to the appointment which was at eight. It was rather short and straight to the point, she hung up stating she was going to try and sleep. As the phone went dead I thought, I hope she gets some sleep because at best I would toss and turn all night.

I grabbed the door knob and turned it to see a pale withdrawn face, a somber person who resembled Steph. I hugged her, she reached up and hugged me back. It was the best hug she ever gave me, I felt like there was nothing else in the world but us two. No matter what happened we were there for each other. I guided her in to the kitchen and asked if she wanted anything, Steph said, "no I just wanna get this done". I struck mead weird Steph always used good grammar but this morning she said "wanna", I wrote it off as a side of effect of the situation. We got in my jeep and Steph gave me direction to the clinic.

I navigated through the industrial part of town and right before we reached a big cattle ranch I took a right. It led me down this one way street with a building that was hard to see. It looked like an old farm house which was covered in bushes that concealed it from a clear view. As I pulled up to it between the bushes you could see bars on the windows and the front door. The grey industrial building around the street provide a make shift wall to hide away and protect those who go into the old house. I pulled up and parked in a next to another car and asked if this was the place. I got a simple yes as Steph got out and waited for me to come by her side. I walked over to her and she began to walk to the front door, we arrived to a buzzer and intercom. A voice from the box asked our name, with a meek reply, "Stephanie Wilcot" came out from her. The door buzzed granting is access to a front room with a couple of chairs and a desk. No person was visible so we walked up tot the desk, then a woman emerged from a door with a file. The woman didn't say much but only asked question that confirmed Steph's identity, it felt cold and routine. Steph acknowledged all the questions then was asked to follow the lady through the door. I started to walk to follow them and the lady turned to me with a firm voice, "you will have to wait here".

I looked at Steph and she nodded at me which gave me an ok to wait in one of the chairs. Not as we had an option but I believe we both wanted to think she gave the final approval. I sat down and waited, I don't know how long I was there, five minutes, five hours, but it felt like five days. There was very little there, no books, no magazines, the only thing in the lobby was a pamphlet on birth control. I gave a half smile thinking that if you're here it is a little late for birth control, I read the pamphlet as a way to pass time and try not to think of the ways the procedure was happening. A few minutes into the pamphlet the door buzzes open and a girl and what I assume is her mom walk in. The girl sees me and sinks down into herself almost trying to hide. I don't blame her it must be beyond awkward seeing a guy in this place. After two more girls and mothers walked in there was a girl that came through the buzzing door alone. At that moment I was conflicted in thought, not knowing if I should feel dirty and devoid of moral substance or embrace this tingle of pride I had. I was the only boy who came to support any of the girls behind the second door. Was I a better person than the average guy? Thoughts raced as I continued to think, maybe the other boys didn't know or didn't care, could I really judge them while I sit in this clinic's chair. The second door opened and Steph walked out holding a piece of papers, I stand and she says "let's go".

Nothing was said in the car ride back to my house, she didn't speak till she got inside and sat on the couch. Only asking for a blanket and the heating pad, before she could finish her requested I had both of them in hand. Plugged in the heating pad and Steph placed it on her lower abdomen, a uneasy look appeared on her face. As I laid the blanket on her I asked, "does it hurt"?

Steph gently replied, "It doesn't so much hurt, but uncomfortable and cramps"

she replied as I wondered if it was not a physical un-comfort but the situation as a whole. She cozied up on the couch as I have seen her do before when she didn't feel well, she always looked adorable under any circumstances. I sat down next to her and put her feet up on me, I then turned on the tv and finally began to relax.

I woke up snuggled up in the blanket I had gotten for Steph. I must have passed out the first night in a week I could sleep, I think my body knew the incident was over and went into shut down mode. I raised my head and could see the sun shinning bright through the windows but I didn't see Steph anywhere. I sat up to see if she went to my room to sleep, after all just because I like the couch to sleep doesn't mean others do. As I sat up I saw a note on the coffee table it simply read,

Thank you for being there for me, I'll talk to you later.

I jumped up and ran into my room still hoping to see Steph laying in my bed but it was empty. I was sad she didn't wake me up to say goodbye but she probably knew I had not been sleeping well and wanted me to enjoy the rest I was getting. I made some coffee and decided to call her to see how she as feeling. Steph answered with a somber tone, she kept the conversation short and to the point explaining how she felt ok but needed a few days to herself. I told her I understand and I winter bother her so she could rest and for her to call me when she was ready.

That was the last time I ever had a real conversation with her. I would see her around town now and then with an awkward,

"Hi, how are you"

with little to nothing more and lacking in substance. It seemed like every exchange was a mere pleasantly not to offend. When I see her my heart skips a beat and yearns something more. Nothing more ever comes so these days I go to school then head home alone to an empty house.