Beyond the mask

There it was. In all its weirdness, staring at me. I just wished my so called genius brain would fire up a message, a way to make me understand the mysterious creature on the screen. It's green shape was flashing madly from all four corners of the Eyes(our nickname for the giant spy monitor). It was huge, and deeply disgusting. Something about it made my nerves crazy, but I just couldn't get my hands on it. What is it? the question roared over and over in my mind.I could feel my traitorous brain mocking me as it stood on the top of seemingly tiny body. Good Lord! why me? The CIA hadn't recruited me to get memory loops, I was recruited to connect the dots. To make things work. But here I was getting stuck. The great Sherlock Holmes of the dark buildings was in front of a challenge that she could not solve. James quickly noted my confusion, and it sure as hell sent him to the ground.
"what's wrong, Jansen?"
"I don't know...I have mixed thoughts about this. I think I know this from somewhere, but I have no idea where. Have we seen this before?"
My mind kept on racing back and forth, but I still couldn't wrap my head around it. I was literally feeling myself go crazy. As I focused on the image, my head started turning, pain shooting from all the living neurons I had left. It felt like having my whole head on fire, pounding so hard, I could feel my eyes hurt.
James walked slowly to the door, and stood motionless fixing me. He stared at me for so long, that I almost thought he was turning lifeless. Slowly my headache or head burn started cooling off as my thoughts drifted from the image on the screen to James' disturbing gaze. He had never stared at me like that. His gaze was suspicious, long and troubled. Dear mercy, what had I done? Still, I couldn't help but smile. The relief from such pain was better than being released from Russian torture camps. At least those monsters had tortured my body. Too bad for them not realizing that my muscles were as hard as steel. My limbs do not feel pain. They are as lifeless as wood. Two years of CIA authorized uninterrupted injections of pain suppressors in Iraq made me a walking tree. Yap! Science ruined my life. It made me imperceptible to touch...how evil!
"so it's true. why would you lie to me? why?" James' voice nearly came out as a whisper, what was he talking about?
"me? lie to you? I would never do that! James, what are you talking about?" walking closer to James in the poorly lit corner in front of the glass door, he shook uncontrollably.
"Jansen why hide it from me? you knew this was going to happen and you still came to work here. It was the Russians, wasn't it? they made you like that" He was close to tears, his voice shaky as dived deeper into his fears.
Right then, I knew what it was. He had found out the truth, and I felt myself freeze in my tracks. Who else knew about me? the only people who had known the secrets behind my existence were long dead. I had buried them myself. How could it have gotten out? Who else knew? Uncertainty rose from all corners, and I saw no way out. The only thing I knew was that we had to leave the base, fast.