Letter in a Bottle

I sit here writing this letter to you not knowing if you'll ever read it or if you can even read it. This is my last atempt at healing.
I lay under the stars just like we always did, i even held the same blanket you always used. But, that didnt even take away the pain I felt. All I can think about is how cold and alone I feel on this warm summer night. It seems that even the bugs leave me be on this night. Its our night. It would have been one year that we were married, if you were still here. I wouldnt be crying or cursing at the night air, bugs, trees, or anything that is listening to me.
Everyone tells me its time to move on; its time to put you in my past. This letter im writing to you will be the last i think about you. This will be the last time you take over everything I do, think, feel, see, or do. I cant have a forgotten man controling everything I do. People still look at me as if something is missing, but it happens less and less each day. sometimes its even weeks before someone bring you up. That doesnt make my heart hurt any less.
There are times that i see someone that looks like you and my heart skips a beat as i start to yell your name. I feel my chest fall to my stomach as i realize that its just another trick. This really needs to stop happening. I just wish we knew what happened to you. Just a clue even. Something to let me know, this will be OK.
The last time we spoke I never got to tell you how much you mean to me or how much I need you. I just need you to know that I knew I loved you the first time i laid next you under the night sky and you made me forget all my troubles. In that night I never thought I would grow to need you the way I do, but i wouldnt change it for the world. I will love you with every breathe I take.
Love Always
Roxxie.

         Only a handful of people knew about the letter. Theres nothing I had to say to them. No need to explain myself to anyone. I dont even know what I would have said to anyone else. I follwed the oldest cliche; I put my letter in a bottle. I dragged my best friend at eleven o'clock at night over sixty miles to the nearest ocean. She didnt take much convincing, which why i bared my soul to her on almost every occasion. I walked alone to edge of the cliff. Where I sat and stared at the night ocean for an unmeasurable amount of time. All I did was stare at the bottle and the dark abyss ocean. Before I lost courage I threw the bottle as far away from cliff as I could. There is no way for me to know if it made it in one piece or not, but I dont care either. Its time for a clean slate. A new start.



         I sat there awhile just watching the black ocean waves crash against the rocks and fall back into the ocean. I scanned my eyes to find some sort of horizon, but all i could see was ocean leading into a starry night sky. It's one of the most beautiful and peaceful sights I've ever seen. It helps put things into to perspective; shows me just how small we really are. Helps me cope with all the emotional turmoil that lives inside me. I leave my worries and cares back on the cliff. I leave with a new outlook on my life.
"Move with me to the coast." I say as I got back into my car. "Let's get a new start on life." I start the long drive back into the city. Not much to my surprise, she didn't argue much on moving. She asked me when I wanted to move and said we'd make it happen.
         Over the next few weeks I saved all of the money I made at my job in our city's market store. I only spent what was absolutely necessary. Within the next two months we had saved enough money between us to take a new start sixty miles to the west.

         We didn't even bother packing our clothes or belongings. Everything I had reminded me of us, of him, our life we would never have again. She brought very few things, too: her computer, cell phone, few items of make up, and the clothes on her back. That's all either of us had. Lee sounded more excited about going than I did. I'm not real sure if she was acting excited for my benefit or hers, maybe both. Neither of us had ever moved this far away from home before. This was going to be my biggest step towards achieving some of my goals.