My Addicted Son/Actions are Louder

My son Tyler got arrested and put in jail for stealing a womans purse from the YMCA. The judge sentenced him to 180 days in jail with 90 of it suspended. After 30 days, he was to be released from jail and sent back to rehab. So, the 30 days came and went and he called me and said they were transferriing him to rehab. I had already washed all of his clothes and had them ready for when he went and got in the car with all his belongings plus stopped to get 30.00 for him to use in the soda machine and after meetings for coffee. We got there and handed all of his stuff to the guy working at the window, signed that we dropped it off and walked outside. I saw my son standing there and gave him a big hug. I asked him if he was ready for this and he said he was. My youngest son and I drive back home and about 3 hours later, I get a phone call from rehab stating that Tyler was nowhere to be found. Yep, he LEFT REHAB! Now, I did mention that he is court ordered to be there right?!?!?! We all know what happens when you are court ordered to do something and you don't do it - right? Yep, they put a warrant out for your arrest. Its a bench warrant so they aren't going to go looking for him, but will put him in jail if he is caught and he is to be held for court. What will happen is he will serve the rest of his sentence in jail.

I have no idea why he decided to leave, and I talked to him today, a week after he left rehab. He said he wanted to get it all behind him and go to Indiana and stay with his dad for a fresh start. He was talking about turning himself in but he wanted to know that money would be put on his books and that I would accept his phone calls. I explained to him, as I have before, that the phone calls are way too expensive and I don't have any money. I didn't say this, and maybe I'm a coward, but he is in jail because he did something wrong that put him there...HE DID IT. He made a conscious decision to leave rehab before he even got settled. He left all of his stuff there and I have to go pick it up. I don't know who he was staying with and up until today, I didn't even know if he was alive. I asked him why he left rehab and he said I wouldn't understand. You know what, he is absolutely right, I don't understand. I don't understand any of this. I don't understand the drug addiction, I don't understand the bad decisions and I don't understand his hunger for money. I have always worked for what I want and did without when I didn't have the money. He told his dad that he could make a ton of money selling drugs. Theres a goal for ya. Not only will you make alot of money, you will either end up in the ground or behind bars for the rest of your life. That sounds fulfilling. I think that is absolutely horrible.

When I was talking to him he sounded really sad..especially when he said he wants to get it behind him. I told him I would come see him in jail but as far as communication, he will have to write me a letter. But don't think for a minute that I believe that is his intention. His last sentence was "hey, let me call you right back". That was 5 hours ago. I never, ever thought I would get to the point where I don't know what to say to one of my kids, but I don't know what to say anymore. My youngest son was with me as we were coming from the VA and he has no empathy at all. He said he has a hard time with people that make bad decisions in their lives. We all make bad decisions at some point in our lives, but what we are supposed to do with those bad decisions is learn from them. Makes us smarter when we get to the next thing that comes in our lives.

I don't get to choose how he lives or the decisions he makes and I don't get to suffer the consequences either. But I ask you, how many times do you have to wreck a car because you are high, go to the hospital because you OD'd, have the cops visit and bring a NARCAN with them, go to jail, go to rehab, etc, etc. Its a never ending cycle. They say that actions speak louder than words so this is what I feel his actions are saying. He has no desire to end this cycle of his. He has no desire to make his life any better and the only thing he cares about is money. He said that I told his dad not to send him any money because he left rehab. I did, in fact, tell his dad that. I'm not supplying his addicton..end of story. And, my friends, my fear is that is what I will be doing. You see, I honestly feel he doesn't want any help and you can't force someone to get help who doesn't want it. I have given him so much money over the years for this reason or that reason and its all been lies. He is a expert liar. And just because he may sound down and out, doesn't mean he is. So, right or wrong, I have washed my hands of this situation..not of him, but this situation. I'm over the drugs, over the jail thing, over sending him money, over all of it. I don't know if thats the right way to be, but thats how its going to be, for my own sanity. I know all of his passwords to websites, and I find myself logging into his Facebook to read his messages. How sad is that?1?! I don't do that to either one of my other sons, nor to my fiancee. But I'm not going to anymore..he deserves privacy and he has the right to do what he wants, just like the rest of us. Not only that, but why put myself through that?! Oh, I love him and all, but there is no need for me to drive myself crazy, and I am the only one I am driving crazy. His actions speak louder that his words and its finally time that I start listening to what he is doing.