When it rains, it Pours

Monsoon.
Watching the dusty yellowness of New Delhi suddenly turn into shades of delicious green is nothing short of magical. The world is suddenly a much better place. I love the summer heat, so monsoon for me does not represent the respite and relief that most people associate it with.
As an individual i have always been impulsive and indulgent so of course i love getting drenched in the rain. That is of course with the rider that i am sans my expensive electronic gadgets. If i get caught in a downpour with my mobile / laptop on me , I just want to run to a warm dry place immediately. The rain also reminds me of when i was in school and we all ran around and splashed puddles rather hard especially on the people we did not like. Unfortunately as we grow older, it is no longer acceptable behaviour to splash people you don't like with dirty puddles of water. So more often than not owing to the busy schedules that most of my friends and foes keep, I get drenched alone. 
I think it was in that process of growing up that i have finally realised what the rain represents for me. It forces you to stop going at the pace you've planned in your own head. Whether it means being stuck in traffic as a result of the city's terrible drainage system or whether it means you are forced to stay put wherever you are , you have to slow down if not stop entirely. In most situations you have at least two clear choices: you can curse your luck, get annoyed and crib about how your day just became topsy turvy or you can just turn up the stereo and think about things and introspect. 
Last year and for so many years before, my choice was clear. I would get annoyed , angry and frustrated. Time was at a premium and there was so much i needed to fit in and even twenty four hours didn't seem enough. In fact i think in my undergrad yearbook the exact words used to describe me were "most likely to pray for a 48 hour day". 
This year the rain has begun to represent introspection and appreciation for me. Despite being in a mad rush all my life with almost no time to think about why i was doing what i was doing, i have ended up in a pretty good place. For that i am nothing short of grateful. Even before the onset of the monsoon in anticipation of what it has begun to represent for me, i made a rather unexpected decision of stopping.
Stopping to think about what i wanted to do. What kind of person i want to be and what kind of lifestyle i want to lead. Trying to also understand my incessant need to be occupied with something and not be entirely free.  I don't have a job right now or a course to complete and this is the free-est i have ever been but I am still busy catching up on things i have put off for years on end because of lack of time.
This process of introspection has made me discover that at least in part i like being busy and being in touch with a lot of people because in the terms of finance (you must forgive my inner nerd) I am diversifying away my risk by investing in different things and people emotionally , intellectually and physically. In a way I am diminishing each activity/persons capacity to affect me perversely. Time is limited and it needs to be divided among so many things and so many people. People are human and i don't believe that anyone is really out to get me. I don't think i am that important. Having said that there is no end to the darkness that each individual including myself is capable of once you do something perhaps unwittingly to irk them. People close to you are capable of inflicting far more pain and unhappiness than a thousand strangers put together can. I am not a pessimist, I am a realist and therefore have taken this measure in my own life unconsciously to protect myself from a complete breakdown at any point. 
While i am quite happy with the course my life has taken so far I am taking this "break" or time off from the mad dash only to identify which direction i'd like to dash in. I am no longer in a hurry to get where i need to be.
All in due course. Because a couple of months off from actively pursuing multiple things in ones entire lifetime doesn't really amount to much.
I struggle with this decision i have made consciously every day because my mind and body is not used to not being subject to a rigorous life. It may not even be the right one to take a break and try and figure out what i really want and introspect about so many things that have happened in the past few years personally, professionally and intellectually. It may never really come to me and I may discover i have a very dark side which will surface and bloom in this relatively idle time.
One never really knows what  life has contrived for us.  Fate is already pushing the accelerator in our life so the least we can do is steer the wheel and press the brake when required.