Grief

Even though we're driving and it should be a relaxing time I still can't help but think what it i could of saved you!
I didn't even try!
And even 6 months later this question still haunts me and makes me cry!
I just wish I could ask God y!
I would compare grief to tourtière?
It hits you at the most random times.
Your heart fills with emptiness and sadness and before you know it your drowning in a pool of tears!
It could be a song, commercial, or just the way the wind blows your hair your suddenly filled the same grief you felt that very day you lost your loved one.
I get no warning of when I'll feel my sadness is comes at the worst times
and you just have to bite your lip so no one sees the tears, because then they ask what's wrong and the feelings will just flow out uncontrollably.
So a lot of times I hide my tears and the pain just so I don't look insane!
No one knows my level of pain and anger they just see my strength.
They see how I react not how I feel no one really knows how I deal.
I write how I feel because the fear of it hurting so bad when I say it out loud.
For some reason when I write it seems unreal like I am writing a fiction novel,
like its make believe!
But I couldn't make up these feelings if I tried,
having my father die killed me a little inside.
My dad was the only person who understood me and my feelings the only one that could calm me down.
He helped me stay open minded and helped me when I was lost!
I have lost my person the one you Lean on then what do you do?
You fall!
But i wasn't able to fall that hard because my mom still needed me to be her rock!
She needs me to lean on so I stand strong wanting to crumble all along.
Thinking I could turn my life into a sad country song!