I'm Telling Mom!

Tattling.  It's Not the sole property of cranky 5-year olds. In fact, we adults probably tattle more than children--just because we can! When we complain about our bosses, our family, the guy in the car in front of us - that’s tattling! Just like those whiny, petulant kids we admonish to behave. I learned this lesson, like so many I learned in life, from children. They can be accurate, embarrassing  little mirrors of our grown-up faults.

As a college student I worked part-time in a daycare for pre-schoolers. Some days we felt more like referees than caretakers, as we tried to keep twenty rambunctious four-year-olds amused.  Fights would erupt over slights that seemed small to me; someone was hogging the purple crayon, someone else didn’t want to play house. The children would run to me, their innocent eyes filled with tears, the story spilling out of them in gulps of righteous anger. I would do what all grownups did - pat them reassuringly and remind them that "We don’t tattle here. Tattling isn't nice."

One day, we adults were chatting as the kids napped. Our conversation naturally turned to the kids and how it seemed to have been an especially “tattle-y” day. As I commiserated with my co-workers, it suddenly occurred to me--WE were tattling! And if we were tattling, how could we expect children - babies, really - to behave better than the grownups?

That day, I decided to make a drastic change.  As soon as the children woke from their naps, I instituted "Tattle Time." I explained to the kids that every day after nap, we would gather for our snack as usual, with one change. We would go around the table and each child was allowed to tell one tattle. No one involved got in trouble, this was just a time to air grievances.  No judgement was allowed, just sympathy.

The kids were reluctant at first, not believing that they were allowed this freedom. And the grown-ups had been skeptical at first too. But I explained it to them by saying "We tattle--how can we expect 4-yr olds to be more mature than us?" So everyone put aside their doubt and we tried. Shawna was first. In a timid voice, she said "Jeshua pulled my hair!" I led the rest in a chorus of sympathetic "Oooooh!’s", and it we moved on to the next child. As one tattler after another took their turn, you could see doubt turning to delight. Soon it was a classroom routine. I knew it was a success when one day I overheard Julie say to another child, “Not now! Wait till Tattle Time!”

Tattle time continued on,  long after I was graduated and gone. I'm kind of proud of that. I'm still reminded of that time whenever I deal with whiney grown-ups who threaten to "tell" the manager, owner, Surgeon General, etc.

I often wonder if they would be more pleasant adults if they had learned how to "tattle nicely" as children....