sunflower

There's a time in life when you have to except your fate. It may be horrible, it may be just fine. Iv'e learned whatever happens i know, that happened for a reason. I'm not saying im ok with it, but there's nothing i can do.
Each day i sit in the same white room. The white room with a baby blue bed. The white room with the broken lamp iv'e never bothered to fix. The white room that always has classical music in the back round.
You see before "That' happened. "That' thing that ruined my life happened. I was happy, i was happy all the time. A loving family, a loving boyfriend. Everything was just perfect, but know i realize all good things must come to an end.

I sit here with my family, my mom June, dad mike, and my boyfriend Vance. That was my life. I got to spend every second with people i loved. I never felt alone, never felt empty. In my room i had a rose sitting on my bed. The one Vance gave me that very day. He always said what we had was like a rose. It can have some torns, but we ignore them, to find true beauty. Now after everything happened the thought of a rose is all i have left of him. In my bathroom i had a picture of me and my mom. We were at a farm. I was to scared to pet the baby goat. So my mom did it with me. My dad took a picture of me and my mom petting that goat. Now the picture is cracked. Right in the middle, separating my mom and me. Then in my dresser, i had a dress. The dress i wore to the 6th grade father daughter dance. I rember, like yesterday. He took my hand and i giggled. My dad loved to dance, though he was very bad at it, but this one time he was good. He spun he and we danced for every. Now that torn dress is the one memory i have of him.

Now its time to tell you what happened, to them. You see,i am not normal. I'm far from that. I have a problem.... this problem will never be solved. Its just a problem that stays with me and haunts me. Lets say im in this room for a reason. My family never realized this problem i had. Though it was clear.
I was there when that "thing" happend to my family. Hell, im the one who caused it. If people found out they would call me crazy, they would be scared of me even. Lets just say my family ran into a mishap. That mishap happened to be a knife. The same knife i was holding. The knife i was holding as i stabbed them all one by one. The problem is i cant control what i do. I cant control my own life. I was held captive, by something i cant explain. All i can say is it wasent good. It also wasent human.

Now i still sit here in this room. Thinking about the rose,thinking about the picture, thinking about the dress. I didnt mean for them to get hurt like i said something was controlling me. Something unhuman.
I've learned that i have ti except it. All the scars are now a reminder of it. It still follows me, but dose nothing to me. It told me my job was done. So i believed it . Dont ask me why i believed it, cause now i stand here again, with a knife in my hand.