My Self Harm Journey

There are so many ugly things associated with cutting and self harm. The blood is messy. The cuts are hard to hide. The pain is horrible. None of those things are the worst part to me though. The part that is most damaging to me is the shame and mutilation "hangover" I have the next day. The desire to turn back time and not cut. The disappointment I have in myself for losing control of my emotions so severely. Again. The look on my friends' faces that once again I lost it and relapsed. That feeling is sickening. There is no cure for that feeling. No bandaid to stop the bleeding. No clothes to cover my arms. No medicine to stop the physical pain. Just an embarrassing shameful shadow hanging over my head. Makes you want to breakdown all over again. The cycle of cutting continues.