This has to be the most
ridiculous thing I've ever had to do. I'm currently a writer for Out
Magazine and my editor has requested that I write an article based on
a personal experience that would also be relatable to the readers.
After thinking it over for several days I have decided to write about
the one experience that most out readers would have in common: my
first experience with a woman.
To start, I will give you a
little information about myself. My name is Bailey. I'm 25 Years old
and live with my girlfriend of four years in New York City. I went to
Columbia University to pursue a career in Journalism.
To tell you my story, I'll have
to go back in time. Back to my sophomore year in college when I was
four years younger, and way more naive.
_____________________________________________________________________________________
It's
2011, my 21st birthday to be exact. My roommates and I went out the
Lucky Star's Gay Bar. Neither of us were gay (at the time), but it
was the only bar we could walk to from our dorms. We are waiting in
line to get inside and in the distance there is a woman. So James
Dean like, so exquisite. She leans on the outside of the bar with a
cigarette in her mouth. Why
am I staring?
"Come on Bailey, if you
want to talk to her, stop being a pussy and ask her out already!"
Vanessa yells with a chuckle as she pushes me into the direction of
the Goddess.
She looks up and gives me this
smirk that makes my muscles churn from head to toe.
"You got a light?"
she asks,
Before I could answer, a guy
with no shirt on steps out and gets out his lighter.
"I got you!" He
shouts as the Goddess backs away.
"Nah, I'm straight."
The mysterious woman replies. I would hope she meant she was okay,
not that I would never have a chance with her.
"Yeah, sure you are!"
shouts the drunken shirtless buffoon. "And who do we have here?"
He asks me.
"Um... Bailey," I
reply hesitantly.
"Well, Bailey, looks like
you'll be having a good time tonight. I've never seen you here
before," The man replies as he salivates at the sight of me.
"Isn't this a gay bar?"
I retort quickly as I hear my friends laugh at my candor.
"Honey, someone has to
make sure their friends are playing it safe. Come on inside with me."
"Bailey, come on with us"
Natalie interjects as she pulls me inside.
The bar smells of bad cologne,
cigarettes, and an unknown scent, perhaps vomit? There is glitter on
the floor that has probably been there since the eighties, along with
the outdated decor. We sit at the booth closest to the bar, hoping
for quick service to get my first night of legal drinking off to a
good start. The shirtless man returns, and is now sitting next to me.
I order a dirty martini and tell the bartender to keep 'em coming.
I'm ready to just feel numb already. I know I should be more excited
to be here celebrating with my friends, but I can't help wanting to
drown out the shirtless man's pick up lines.
"The name's Brandon,"
he says as he holds out his hand for a shake. I grab his hand
hesitantly and force a small up and down motion.
"I go to Columbia and
these are my roommates," I reply, praying he will go away soon.
I look over to my friends to find them googly-eyed and drooling. I
hope he gets lucky with one of them tonight because it will not be
me.
Just as I begin to give up on
this night, I hear someone pull a stool over to our table. It's
the Goddess. Without a word, she picks the olive out of my drink and
puts it to her lips. Her eyes are devilish as they stay locked on
mine. She then puts her teeth around the olive and pulls a bare
toothpick out of her mouth. My mouth opens involuntarily as I bite
my lip without thinking. I hear a Lady Gaga song coming through the
speakers and I can't help but perfectly the lyrics fit my current
situation, "He's a
wolf in disguise, but I can't stop staring in those evil eyes."
"Do you want to dance?"
I blurt out suddenly. Shit.
The words are out of my mouth before I even realize that I'm
speaking.
"Sorry, I don't dance."
She replies with a smirk. I can't help but be fascinated by the way
her mouth moves. By now, I know my friends are staring at us and
Brandon is getting pissed because I have only said but a few words to
him.
"Well, if you don't like
dancing. Then can we get out of here?" Where
is this coming from? Who am I?
Her face seems overcome with
surprise as she says a simple, "Okay."
I stand up and walk out with
the Goddess. I don't even bother saying goodbye to my friends. I'm
too mesmerized by the fact that I am walking out of the bar with her.
_____________________________________________________________________________________
"I'm dorming at Columbia
if you want somewhere to go." I say. She replies with a nod and
a smile.
As we walk side by side my
nerves get the best of me and I can't stop chattering about what
seems like nothing at all.
I talk about school, cars,
shopping, and basically tell my life story before we reach my room
door.
I finally stop talking long
enough to realize that I didn't even know my mystery woman's name.
"So, what's your name?" I finally ask, embarrassed. She
must think that I'm the most self-centered person on earth.
"Stevie," she
responds.
"Stevie? Like Stevie
Nicks?" I inquire.
"Not exactly," is her
only reply.
_____________________________________________________________________________________
We reach my dorm and as I
struggle to find the right key I can feel Stevie next to me, like
static electricity. In the corner of my eye I can see her looking
right at me. My pulse quickens as I turn the key in the door. I let
Stevie in first as I say, "sorry about the mess."
I shut the door behind me and
lean on the back of it as Stevie stands in front of me, looking at
me, almost cautiously. It's as if she can hear my heart racing and
doesn't want to startle me. I contemplate my next move as I look
down at my hands, giving myself time to slow my heart rate. I look
up to make sure that I'm not dreaming. Stevie can sense my
hesitation. "I'm here, so now what?" She asks in a gentle
tone, almost whispering. I'm ready to give her the answer.
Without giving myself time to
overthink, I take her face into my hands as she tugs my waist,
closing the gap between us. Our embrace isn't nervous or rushed,
but soft and careful. She moves her lips from my mouth to my neck as
goose bumps cover my whole body. I pull her in closer, wrapping my
arms around her back. She looks up at me and I can't help but
steal another kiss. She smiles and returns the favor as I tug the
hair on the back of her neck. As we pull away I can't help myself
from analyzing the features I couldn't see in the darkness of the
bar. Her skin is porcelain white, perfectly complementing her icy
blue eyes and platinum blonde hair, which is short and choppy like
she had been growing out an old Mohawk.
I take her hand in mine and
lead her to the bed. She seems hypnotized by me now, agreeing with
my every move. I push her onto the bed and climb on top of her,
surprising her once again. I feel her hands glide over every inch of
my body, sending chills down my spine. As I press my lips into hers,
I feel her hand on the outside of my jeans as it traces the inside of
my thigh and moves its way up further, causing me to gasp. I want to
feel more. I unbutton my pants and start to pull off Stevie's
shirt as she stops me suddenly, holding both of my hands in hers. I
look at her quizzically.
She kisses my hands and shakes
her head.
"I'm sorry," she whispers
as she releases me and climbs off the bed, fixing her shirt in the
process.
"I should go now," she says
without making eye contact as she walks towards the door and quickly
exits.
What did I do? Did I move
too fast? I
contemplate running after her before checking the clock. It's 4am
and tomorrow is the first day of school. I sigh in frustration and
put my head into my hands. How
am I supposed to focus in school tomorrow knowing I won't be able
to get Stevie out of my head?
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