What was my crime

Ammi, what was my crime...why did the man in black boots target me...was he from an enemy country.

Holding back her tears, she says"No beta...he was from our own country"

"Then why did he do this  ...he just came towards me...I was hiding under the desk and I could see the black boots approaching me....wearing a mask he looked at me with blood shot eyes....then I saw only the barrel of the gun...and the next moment...few bangs...red red every where....and then all went black for a few moments....when I could open my eyes I could only see broken benches...bullet marked benches....and then I saw the sight which made me want to scream...my friends lying every where...some shot through the mouth...some between the eyes...most on the back of the head...and all of them below the benches...why did I survive, ammi...then I understood...i was under one of my friends...he was lying on top of me...and...he was dead....his blood getting mixed with mine...he took the brunt of the bullets meant for me and I got the bullets in my legs...i felt like screaming...but fearing being found out...i pushed my school tie into my mouth...waiting for the firing to stop....but why did I survive, ammi...was it just providence...or was I saved by my friend falling on top of me...how will I go back to my school...my school was made up of my friends...will it still be my own school...how will I face the school walls sprayed with bullets...the screams of my friends...the ashes of my burnt teachers...how could these people do this...did they not go to schools...how will they face their own mothers...will their mothers be proud of what was perpetrated in the name of religion...

I am faced with lots of questions, ammi...do these people really go to heaven as they always claim...how can they go there...i am sure my friends who became shahid will go to heaven...they were such gentle souls...full of friendship and laughter...what if these people come face to face with my friends in heaven...but...but...that's impossible...

I am confused, ammi...please put your hand on my head...i need peace...but what will my friends mothers do...they can't embrace their sons...or daughters...who will wipe their tears...how will they survive...their children...only their smiling faces in photos on the walls...and the warm clothes in the cupboards...nothing else...

But I will be their son...meet them...to comfort them...but will it be enough...enough to make them face life strongly...don't think so...but I will do it...

I wonder what needs to be done to remove this cancer from society...which eats up innocent lives...just like swatting flies...i am sure revenge violence is not the answer...it just spirals out of hand...but then what is it...

Can you tell me, ammi...

Yatin