Finding the Pieces

              Finding The Pieces
I know what it feels like to be broken. I know what it feels like to look at your little sister and feel the overwhelming need and unconditional love inside yourself  to protect her strong, stubborn, and sassy self from being broken too. The need to protect so strong that you would literally do anything. Giving her the chance to become someone great while you die inside.
I know what it feels like to be jealous of that little sister at 3, 13, and 23 for NOT being broken. I wouldn't change it. If I had to do it again, I would still lay down my life for her.
I know what it feels like to be scared, confused, and sick 24/7 my teenage years. I know what it feels like to want to just curl up in a ball and never come out. Or to look at something as simple as a beautiful tree and feel like I can make it.
I did make it. I have two beautiful, smart, loving little boys that I would do anything for. I don't think of the pain daily anymore. I know the damage has been done and my biggest fear is allowing people to watch my boys for fear they will become broken too. I have worked decent jobs but right now; I can't. I can't run the risk of what can happen.
I'm glad my sister is happy, has a beautiful life and didn't have the life I had.
I don't need people telling me what I need to do. In my heart I know I do what I can. I was broken but I'm finding the pieces.