Are You?

Are you there? Are you?

Please, please…just, let me know that you are?

You always used to be right there…I could feel it:

You mesmerized by the same bright moon, at the same time that I fell under its spell.

I could stare at that white crescent, that ball, even if shadowed by the darkest of clouds,

And I felt you.

You thinking of me. You missing me. Remembering - my kiss – my arms around you – and, well, you know. And I was lost in the same memories…of you.

I don’t know, I’m…not…sure if I feel you now or not (sigh.)

I know, I know. You said it so many times…I KNOW!

I pushed, then shoved, and finally threw you away.

I, I HAD to!

You are always in my heart…you always will be, babe…But, you are not allowed to exist outside of that sacred pocket of space where only I can go.

No one else can see you there again, with me, in me – and I understand that hurts, it infuriates you.

I’m so very sorry.

I’m sorry you can’t, no…you won’t understand that!

I’m sorry I ever entered your life, your heart, and your arms again…at least, that I hurt you…that I hurt you again. ..

There is a gap, a cavern… something barren, desolate, and dark within me, even though I hide you inside. Loneliness…a loss…and tears won’t come; they can’t be seen by anyone least they cause problems. Only you understand them…so they run down my veins rather than my cheeks. And that does no good, that is of no relief or help!
My God! Are you going to answer me?!

To let me know if you are still there, staring at our moon?

I, I just need to know. No, no I don’t have the right to know…but I NEED to.

I need to know if you still care…

I need to know that if all hell broke loose in my world, well, would you be there…despite everything?