12 December 2014

I was supposed to be studying for finals. I really, really should have been studying for finals. But, my best friend convinced me to join her for lunch. "Okay fine. It'll only be an hour. And I have to eat anyways right?" "Of course," she said. At lunch, she somehow convinced me to help with her journalism class final project. I'm sure if you squint, you can see the pattern here. That is how I found myself toting a 20 pound camera down Main Street in thirty degree weather (Fahrenheit of course) in flip flops for two hours. Because you know, it was only supposed to be lunch . . . for an hour. That was also how I found myself standing in front of the camera spouting some bullshit about how "I like started coming down to Main Street when the City of Columbia started giving a fuck about it" . . . or something like that. This was also, apparently, the most opportune moment for some idiot in a business suit (ooh you're so damn fancy) to verbally harass me. "Where are your socks sweetheart!" he yelled. What I should have said was "Where are your manners sweetheart!" but what I actually said was "Oh . . . okay," and then continued looking at the camera (which obviously you're not supposed to do. Whatever). I'm 110% sure that if I'd been wearing a skirt instead, he would have asked me where my pants were or something equally stupid and rude. But the main problem here is that he kept walking and probably went on about his day like nothing ever happened. I'm not nearly attention worthy enough to be the only woman he's ever done that to. Maybe he doesn't even remember it, because to a man, the world exists to please him and he is safe. But to a woman, every man is a potential threat. We think about it every day. Will it be this one? If I tell him to fuck off when he says, "Smile sweetheart. You'll be so much prettier," will he rape me? Maybe. I'll just smile instead, just in case. Maybe then if he does rape me people won't say it was my fault. Or maybe I'll still be given the blame. My smile was too inviting for him to resist.