The Change

The change

I feel a change in myself.

A new appreciation for the unlearned, the unknown and the inexperienced.

Let them keep their office parties,

their formal Sunday gatherings,

their monotonous routines,

their ignorance and their hate.



I want to fly wildly through America with Dean Moriarty,

penniless, feeding off of his crazed joyous existence.

I want to discover meaning in lonely rooms and empty highways.

I want to step out into the mysterious dark night to find new people, places and ideas.

I want to spend countless spiritual hours with those closest to my heart.

I want to experience love whilst retaining freedom,

joy whilst remembering humanities desperation,

and learn whilst staying true to who I am.



I want to walk every road and feel every possible emotion.

I want to read Poetry in smoky Caf in Paris,

listen to jazz in seedy bars in vibrant new York,

Find myself through a visionary ayahuasca ceremony in Peru,

emerge myself in a blissful opium haze in China,

see the arid, the plentiful, the beautiful and the the repulsive.



Yet I am paralysed by fear.



Fear of losing those whom I hold most dear,

fear of the unbearable truths that I will discover,

fear of breaking away from this wretched comfortable way of living,

fear of finally finding my own happiness.



Too scared to live,

too afraid to die.



Absurdity permeates everything.