Rivers of Life

  Camp Nine, in Murphys California, is one of the most beautiful places to ever put the fear of death into me. A turquoise-blue stream wound its way through the dry forest around us. Babbling and burbling, it sprung over the limestone rocks up stream. Pebbles full of fools gold shone through the scattered shallow like pieces of glitter. When we first arrived, my father and his friends hurried me to walk up stream with them. I didn't know why we didn't just stay by the calm of the river. It was scorching hot, and my freckled pink skin was ready to cool down.

    I made my way up the rapids,  towel in hand, trying to hop up the hot boulders that were being pounded by white water.We made our little day camp on a sandy, tree covered island. After  lathering up with sunscreen I walked up river even more. The slick rocks brought me to my knees a couple times, sometimes harder than others. I knew by the end of my trip my legs would be black and blue, but so far it was worth it.

    The cold water soothed my burnt skin as I took noticed once again of the beautiful life surrounding me. Little fish circled my feet before they darted back into the shadowed depths. The rocks started to disappear under my feet as I moved into the shadows of huge rocky cliffs towering over the sides of the navy blue water. Swimming against the current I watched as the others started to climb up the rocks. I paddled in place, looking up at the sheer rocks in front of me.
      Bob, one of my dads friends, looked down at me in the water with a devilish grin on his face. He leaned back before jumping through the air. He hit the water hard, making  a huge spray of water break the calm surface of the river. Then others began to jump from different sides of the cliffs.  As they started to climb back up the rocks they motioned me to join them. I began to climb too, being careful not to look down as I got farther away from the comforting water. I steadied myself on a ledge about twenty feet up as regret sank in.
     
    See, I have this fear. It causes my legs to shake. My stomach to feel strange.Vertigo starts to move the world around me.  I am terrified of heights. Of course, it’s not really a fear of being in a high place. Rather, it is the view of a long way to fall, of rocks far below me and no firm wall between me and the edge. My sense of security was long gone. I could rely only on my own surefootedness, which I have had problems with in the past.  As cautious as I am, somehow I still manage to put myself in these situations.
   
        Was it my own will that drove me up the steep rock face or the peer pressure from the boys swimming down below?  Either way i had still got myself up there, and I had only one way down. Of course I could have backed up and climbed back down, but deep down I knew I wanted to jump. Looking over the edge, I could feel the soft wind trying to push me forward bringing a sinking feeling to my stomach.

   
    Looking down into the water I prepared myself to jump. I took a running start, leaped into the air and started to count the seconds it took to hit the surface. “One,” time slowed down, and the trees appeared to reach out to grab me as if to stop me from leaving them behind. “Two,” the wind whirled around me bending the sounds of the birds into a harmonious note while bringing a glow to the plants on the banks of the glistening river. “Three,” the dark blue waters welcomed me once again, slowly sucking me in, ending my flight.
 
  As I broke through the water, gasping for air, I screamed with joy. Adrenalin pumped through my veins wildly. Back stroking through the once again calm river, I was able to close me eyes and enjoy power of the river guiding me toward the shallows. I was in heaven. The sun glimmered over the surface of the water as I once again watched the fish around me. The watery grace of the river seemed magical to me at that moment.

      As I walk away from the bank dripping and sun burnt, I couldn't wait until the next experience that allowed me to forget about my life and just  live in the moment.  I will never forget how quiet the waters were, how the cliff helped me fly, if only for a second, and how the whole experience helped me get a little closer to discovering who I am .