I Heart Bumper Stickers

I have four bumper stickers on my car.  The only permanent one is the Detroit Tigers sticker.  I like to change out the others, and I try to stick to the magnetic ones that I can remove easily.  Right now I have “Havanese on Board” with a picture of a doggie that looks like my Pudgy looking out the back window.  I have “Peace, Love, Dogs.”  And for my Maltese-Yorkie Annie, “My name is No-No-Bad-Dog.  What’s yours?”  I hope my bumper stickers bring a smile.

I automatically like some people just because of their bumper stickers.  I passed a lady with a bumper full of “peace frogs,” doggy paw prints, and her little stick family made up mostly of dogs.  I know, if I met this lady, we would be BFFs.  She turned off at the Laketon exit, and I like to think she was headed for vector control where I adopted Annie.  Maybe she works there!  Peace out, soul sister!

I rode behind someone warning me “Never mind the dog.  Beware of the owner!”  It had a drawing of a hand pointing a gun at me.  You jerk!  Stop pointing your gun drawing at me!  I’m picturing a redneck doofus who probably abuses his dog.  I know I would hate this guy if I met him.  Then the truck pulls over, and out pops an elderly lady!  Well, that’s different.  You go, Girl!  I love feisty old ladies!  I hope to be one someday.   

A few days ago I walked  into a crosswalk and almost got picked off by someone flying around the corner.  As she turned  I saw her bumper sticker-- “Jesus is my Copilot.”  Hey, how about you get off your phone, so you can hear your copilot warning you about the pedestrian!  Better yet, switch seats!  WWJRO-- Who Would Jesus Run Over?

The best bumper stickers make me laugh.  I especially enjoy the ones that make me think a little before I get the joke.  “I’m an agnostic dyslexic insomniac.  I lay awake at night wondering if there really is a dog.”  I could say the usage mistake threw me, but I admit it took me a second to work that one out.  Hilarious!

Political bumper stickers range from just showing support of a particular candidate to attacking the opponent.  I try to stick to the magnetic ones.  Who wants a bumper sticker on their car after an election supporting the loser?  I’m still seeing McCain/Palin stickers on cars.  Get out the razor blade already! 

Some stickers seem incongruous.  A truck at the pizza joint sported both an Air Force retiree sticker and one that reads, “I brake for fairies, elves, gnomes, leprechauns, unicorns…and other things that only I can see.”  I’m trying to picture the driver.  Can’t.  I hope he’s not still flying planes.  Hang on, folks, our pilot is dodging dragons!

I guess the best kinds of bumper stickers are those with useful information. “Baby on Board” lets you know you should probably give the driver a wide berth because the distracted parent will be wandering around the lanes while flailing around trying to reach the binky that the baby spit into the car seat.  “I Brake for Garage Sales” lets you know the driver will slam on the brakes if any sign indicating a bargain is spotted.  I would like to see stickers that tell me “I text while driving” or “I never use my turn signal.”      I personally need one that lets people know “Driver will tailgate you to read your bumper sticker.”