Pain's Weakness

'Dad, don't leave please I need you', my father Aaron replies 'I'm leaving your mother not you, I have to go away for a little while' My mom crying in the chair next to the window; Utters 'It's too late your father, has to go he won't be back for a long time' Those were the last words exchanged that night. I ran upstairs and crawled into bed and cried my eyes out. The next morning my pillow was soaked from all the tears. There was a note on my nightstand, it was from my dad and it read.

'Dear Jason, I love you so much words cannot express the love I have for you. Your mother is an amazing woman the truth is, I'm leaving for good. It's not because of your mom or you it's because of my health. I'm extremely sick, I was diagnosed with Brain cancer. It has grown and spread throughout my entire body. I know you've seen me as a zombie these past few months. Now you know why, you're 11 years old I want you to stay in school, take care of mom and your little sister in your mom's stomach. I will miss you son, Love Always 'Dad'

I was never the same, after reading that letter. I went from a good boy to a misunderstood troublesome boy. It's been 10 years since my dad died from Cancer, those 10 years were hell within. Right after my dad died I went to church, prayed to God I was on fire for Him. Then it hit me why did God take my dad from me. I let this one thought turn into many thoughts; the thoughts consumed me into a pit of darkness. I started staying up late; my mom wondered why I would stay in my room all day long. I stayed in my room to ease the pain; however the pain was growing inside of me quicker than cancer spreads through the body. Each time I was happy, pain snuck in and pulverized each happy sane thought. It's like pain and cancer are the same thing, they both prey on living happy things.

I always wondered if cancer really killed my dad or was it pain. I studied night after night, searching through all of his things. One night I spot something very suspicious, a letter addressed to my dad. It was from my uncle Erick , the letter read ' Hey Bro, I don't know what I can do for you anymore. I paid off the loan shark, just stop gambling you have a wife and kid now man. Don't just do it for them do it for you, I know what being a cop did to you. Remember we were partners, we were invincible. Just go get some help and return to duty, well I miss you little brother see you soon. Love always Erick.'

The letter made me wonder if my dad stopped gambling, my mom wasn't home. I was watching my little sister Anna, as we waited for my mom to get home I cooked dinner. As soon as she got home, I asked her if my dad stopped gambling. She looked me in the eyes and said 'What are you talking about?' She tried denying it, but I kept on and on. I finally got her to admit it, my dad never stopped gambling. My dad, He wasn't as sick as he said he was. It's kind of crazy what pills can do to people, by people I mean my dad.

When I was 13 I got into some big trouble at school. My friend Aaron and I were just getting out of 2nd period. Aaron was super cautious about everything, I was curious so I asked him 'Bro why are you tripping? Did you do something, everything okay at home?' His answer was so quick and well thought. 'I have about 2 grams of weed; I'm super stressed about everything.' Is what He said, I replied 'Alright, man lets go get high, I am stressed too.' So we ditched half of 3rd period and went to the bathroom. Aaron and I just kicked it in the bathroom; the smell was lingering to the hallway.

Mr. Tatum was walking down the hallway, when he got a whiff of some weed. We had no idea he was there, when we heard the bathroom door open we were super quiet. Mr. Tatum Strongly said 'Who is in here, I want to know. Come out of the stalls and we will walk up to the principal's office.' At that time we were both scared, so Aaron opened the stall door. I walked out and Mr. Tatum was so shocked, you know maybe not so much shocked; but disappointed. The look on his face was soul crunching, Mr.Tatum and I knew each other since the beginning of my 7th grade year.

Mr.Tatum would always tell me I'm very talented at speaking to people. He would always get on me about slacking, I felt bad when He caught Aaron and I in the bathroom. Aaron and I walked up to Mr. Calloway's office, both our hearts were in our stomach. We seen Mr. Calloway's door open as He stood tall and confident. Mr. Tatum and Mr. Calloway looked at each other with disappointment. Mr.Calloway said these words 'I am not going to discuss this at all; you're both suspended for bringing drugs to school. You're lucky I like you two, I could call the cops. Instead you're both suspended for 8 days, including two Saturday schools. Is there any questions? No, good now go sit outside the office and wait for your parents!'

Pain became my addiction, I was addicted to pain. I was 16 when I started talking to Sarah Beaker. Sarah was the most beautiful girl in High School; she had long light brown hair. Sarah had Dangerous hazel eyes; her body was that of a goddess. Her personality was the most down to earth I've ever seen. I was sitting down in English 3, Mr. Ashen was talking about how truth is the key to happiness. Mr. Ashen asked me 'What do you think of Sarah Beaker?' I was so nervous I had no idea what to say, so I said 'She's really cute and smart'. Sarah looked at me with a look I've only seen when my dad used to look at my mom.

After class Sarah walked with me to my locker, she told me 'You are cute too; I think we should hangout after school.' I was so shocked she even talked to me, I replied 'yeah that sounds good, where at?' Sarah smiled 'My house I'm having a get together, I'll pick you up at 5:30' I smirked and shrugged my shoulders 'I can't wait; I forgot to tell you that your eyes are so breathtaking. I've just been so hurt lately.' Sarah backed up and looked at me with disgust; I thought I gave her a compliment, I guess not.
My enemy was behind me his name was, David Hensworth a football jock. I wasn't pleased to see him as I turned around. He shoved me against my locker. 'Hey punk, why are you talking to my girl? Do you want to get your head smashed?' I replied 'you really think you can smash me? That's funny; I know I don't have to prove myself to scum like you.

' David let me go, and took his jacket off. This was a sign that he wanted to square up and; I knew what was coming, David announced to the whole hall way that he's going to whoop my butt. I grabbed him by his collar and slammed him into the locker. He got up and dropped me to the floor. I got up and socked him in the face,Before I knew it I was being cheered and booed. I felt a feeling I haven't felt in a long time that feeling was happiness. It felt weird; it made me feel weak yet strong. I never understood why happiness, made a person weak. Sarah and I were starting to get very intimate, I'd always go to her house and we'd always mess around. Messing around was getting boring, not having an exclusive relationship was starting to bug me. Sarah and I started to date exclusively, and then an overwhelming spell of happiness filled my heart. I was finally happy, but as soon as I felt the pain subside. The pain latched on like a leech; pain sunk its teeth in and sucked the happiness right out of me.

I asked Sarah to prom, she didn't even hesitate Sarah said yes before I could even finish my sentence. Prom was the next day; I went out looking for a tux. I found one; it was Suede Black it had Red seaming, a silky red tie, black and red vest. The suit was perfect, and I had just enough money left over; to buy Sarah some flowers. The next day, Sarah and I went to prom. When I picked her up at her house, my eyes were astonished upon her beauty. She looked like an angel, her dress was as white as heaven's gate; her hair glistened when she stepped into the sun. The dress made her eyes pop out, most of all the smile on her face put me in a daze. I was so happy, nothing mattered to me. I loved her I thought to myself, we sat down and took pictures her parents were so happy. She was so happy; nothing could go wrong I thought.

We arrived at prom and everybody's attention went to Sarah and me. As they cheered our name, Sarah was so red. I picked her up and carried her into the gym, she told me to set her down beside the stage. Mine and Sarah's favorite band was playing, Tears of Haven. I grabbed Sarah and told her 'Sarah I want to be with you for the rest of my life.' She smiled and told me 'I want to be with you forever babe, let's dance' I looked her in the eyes 'Sarah I need to know something?' she looked at me and replied 'what do you need to know babe.'

As I went to one knee and pulled out of the little black box, I said 'will you marry me?' tears filled her eyes as she said ' I love you, but I can't marry you we're to young' Sarah ran out of the gym crying her eyes out, I sat down next to Abigail Triton. I thought she loved me, why did she leave I thought to myself as I took a swig of Abigail's 40oz. The bottle was so good to me, its unique feeling made me lose my breath.

As soon as I caught my breath I felt no pain; I finally got enough courage to go after Sarah. I ran outside and there she was, sitting down on the curb still as a rock. 'Sarah what did I say, I thought you loved me you are the one. We can wait until we are older; I just thought you'd say yes.' Sarah didn't respond,
'Sarah I am sorry, I know it was a surprise. Sarah, hey answer me' Sarah' I walked to the curb and leaned down in front of Sarah. She was covered in blood, her throat was slit open. I yelled for help, and looked down by her side.
There was a note addressed to me and it read 'I will not stop until you're miserable, I'll take the ones you love. I will turn your life into my own, the pain never stops. I get lonely; did you forget to check in with your mom and sister? Don't worry they're fine, for now. P.s 'Your dad didn't suffer, it was quick and easy. He just wouldn't stop bleeding from his throat.' I'll be seeing you' I went from sad and depressed to confused and angered. I called home to my mom and sister, my mom answered everything was okay. 'Mom, Sarah died someone murdered her and left me a note. Mom who hated my dad, I took the note from the crime scene. Sarah's parents are here. Got to go' It became clear to me that someone is head hunting for me, I started to study everything that my dad had or did.

May 28th graduation day, I remember it like yesterday. The sun was beaming down on the blue and black mad dog banner. As I looked up on the empty stage, Aaron came up behind me. 'hey man, how are you holding up?' I just sat there starring at the stage 'Bro, it's been hard I don't know why it's so hard. It seems like I lose the ones I love.' Aaron put his hand on my shoulder 'dude you're fine, I know it's hard. I know it hurts, just pray to God man the pain will decrease. I am not saying it will be easier, however you'll have more strength.' I took my eyes of the vacant stage 'Yeah I've tried that, I've done everything I can. I am a mess, but I know I'll get over it at least be able to cope with it.'

Aaron gave me a hug and left me alone continuing to stare at the empty stage. Something is missing I thought to myself 'Sarah is missing, my dad is missing' it happened so quick I didn't know what to believe. I turned around and there she was standing there looking more beautiful than ever. 'Sarah, I can see you. Why can I see you what happened?' What I saw next was the hardest thing to comprehend, my dad.

He was walking up to me with a smile on his face 'You've grown up son, I missed you If you're wondering what happened to me and Sarah. You have to look deep within your heart.' What he had said made me confused, the whole situation itself made me a little creeped out. 'Dad how can I see you and Sarah what happened to me, why am I going through so much?' Sarah and my Dad replied 'You are dead.'
Their faces were starting to get blurry, their voices faded with the wind. My eyes opened slowly to paramedics asking me questions, the sirens blaring out. I couldn't figure out why I was being treated until the paramedic had told me I've been shot.