Dressing

“You lied to him.”

“Define lying.”

“You lied. Fibbed! Said something untrue! To him! Of all people...”

“It wasn't a total lie. Besides, it was for your own good.”

“My own good? Ashley, you told him I was anorexic!”

“Sshhh! Keep your voice down, he has ears! Look, it gives you a total sympathy factor and he'll probably pay for your meal now!”

“I don't want his pity! He probably thinks I'm some sort of self-centered freak with no self-esteem! And I'm not anorexic.”

“Look. Katelyn. You need a date, I need a date – I got you a date. A small lie aside, it went perfectly, so just tell him about the stupid dance and then we can go find me someone.”

“Ash, I don't want to pretend I'm anorexic for the rest of my - “

“Oh, come on, Kate, it's just for one night! You don't think you're going to stay with him, do you?”

“Well...he is really sweet. And cute. And his eyes are this really pretty shade of - ”

“Oh my God, you're swooning.”

“What? No, I'm not.”

“Yes, you are. Oh, my God, Kate, you don't actually really like this guy, do you?”

“What, is that a crime now?”

“Kate! Don't you remember why we're doing this? We want to make Mike and Andrew jealous! Not actually pick up boyfriends! Do you not want Mike back?”

“He cheated on me. With Marissa.”

“Yeah, and don't you want to get back at Marissa for that? God, I just want to strangle her.”

“Well, yeah, but I don't know...Mike was a jerk."

“All guys are jerks.”

“Not all guys.”

“Um, definitely all guys.”

“Look. Ashley. I appreciate your grand scheme to get me back with Mike and whatever, and I'm sorry that Andrew broke up with you, but I think I want to move on! This whole thing just doesn't seem right to me.”

“Ah, c'mon! The plan was perfect, Mike would see you and regret ev - “

“Ash, I said no, okay? I'm out. I'll help you find someone if you still want me to, but right now I'm going to go talk to the nice, cute guy Josh and explain to him that I'm not really anorexic. Okay?”

“But Ka – uuuugh!”

“Hi again, sorry about that. Ashley wanted to just finalize some plans, but I don't think I want to go.”

“That's...fine. Are you okay?”

“Yeah! Yeah, fine. I just don't think Ashley is too happy with me, but she'll get over it. Hopefully, anyway.”

“Well, if you need anyone to talk to, I've been told I'm good at listening.”

“Really? Glad to hear, because Ashley certainly isn't.”

“Sounds like she'd a tad headstrong.”

“Tell me about it. We've been friends forever but...well, she's ran a bit off the reservation since she broke up with her boyfriend, Andrew.”

“Break ups are messy. I'm sure she'll be fine after a month or two.”

“No, you don't get it. It's been four months since they broke up and she's still obsessed with him. She's determined to make him see that he was wrong to break up with her, and she keeps dragging me along for the ride. I just think she needs to move on before she loses it.”

“Loses it? What do you think she would do?”

“I don't know, but once she's got her heart set on something, she doesn't let it go. She'll go to most any lengths and it scares me sometimes.”

“Doesn't sound healthy.”

“It isn't. I wonder if I should call her in a therapist or something. I don't know. I just worry about her a lot.”

“Hey, give yourself a break. It's her life, not yours, and I'm sure you've got your own problems to worry about. How about we get you something to eat? Do you want to order something?"

“Oh, no, I was just going to get a coffee, I'm not really - “

“Oh, c'mon, they have some of the best food in town here! Pick out something. My treat.”

“Honestly, Josh, that's really sweet and I know what Ashley said, but I'm not actually ano - “

“Can I help you with anything?”

“Yes, my friend Katelyn here would like to order something but she's never been here before. What do you recommend?”

“Well, the chicken Caesar salad with our mystery dressing is our specialty of the day and one of my favorites. We're also known for our burgers - “

“The specialty salad will be fine, thanks. And just water.”

“Will that be all?”

“Yes, thank you.”

“Are you sure that's all you want to eat? It's not much.”

“I don't really like burgers and Josh, Ashley lied to you. I'm not anorexic.”

“You're not? Oh.”

“She was trying to get you to pity me. I didn't ask her to and it was uncalled for, so...let's pretend it never happened, okay? And I can pay for the salad. That was really, really sweet of you though.”

“No, no, no, I'll still pay. And I'm glad you're not anorexic.”

“Me too. And, uh, thanks for not making it a big deal. I, um, just like guys to like me for me and Ashley doesn't really get that.”

“Yeah, no, I'm glad you cleared that up. My, uh, sister's anorexic actually so I take it very seriously.”

“Really? I'm so sorry to hear that.”

“Yeah, she's been struggling with it for a long time. She's been doing better recently though, and I think it's all about encouragement. I send her a text that I love her and am praying for her every day.”

“Awww, oh my God that's so sweet! I'm sure that really helps a lot.”

“I hope it does. She never responds th – are you okay?”

“Uhhhhh...yeah. Yeah, fine. Just...I just know those guys.”

“The two that just walked in?”

“Yeah. The...uh, the tall blond is Ash's ex and...and the shorter brunette is my ex.”

“Oh. Do uh...do you want to leave? Or want me to leave?”

“No, no, no! We just ordered food. Let's just pretend they aren't he - “

“Heyyyy! K! Fancy meeting you here!”

“Oh...hi, Andrew. Yeah, funny.”

“Funny, funny, funny. Yeah, Mike, Jess, Melissa and me just stopped in to try the new salad. Mystery dressing, can't pass that up, can ya?”

“No, you never pass up anything mysterious, do you, Andrew?”

“Not at all. Hey, you met Jess right?”

“S'up.”

“Uh, hi, Jess, nice to meet you.”

“Jess and I met at a heavy metal concert. Can't really remember what band, I think I was a little high. You remember, babe?”

“Dunno. Drunk.”

“Yeah, me too. Well, nice seeing ya, K!”

“Yeah. Bye.”

“He seems like a douche.”

“Tell me about it. I'm not sure what Ash ever saw in him. Or still does.”

“Your ex is staring.”

“Please tell me he isn't coming over."

“No, he looks pretty content with the girl he's with.”

“Ugh. Melissa. He cheated on me with her.”

“What? That was a douche move."

“It's whatever. I'm over it.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“So...you're moving on?”

“Um...I'd like to say I already have.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, it's funny, I met this guy...and my friend told him I was anorexic but he still liked me...”

“Sounds like a quality guy.”

“Yeah, he really is. His name is Josh. Do you know him?”

“You know, it's funny, I think I d - “

“Katelyn!”

“Ashley? What ar - “

“Andrew is here.”

“Yeah, I know, I sa - “

“With some ugly goth chick!”

“Yeah, he came over. Said he met her at a heavy metal concert.”

“That douche! WE used to go to heavy metal concerts together! What band?”

“He said he was too drunk to remember.”

“Tch. Figures. Well, that goth isn't going to last him long. I'll show him I'm the only heavy metal gal to be had around here.”

“Wait, Ash, what are you – Ash, where are you going!? Uggh.”

“Man, she's one twisted sister!”

“Twisted and green with envy! I just wish she'd get over him.”

“Looks like she still needs a lot more time.”

“Or shock therapy. Seriously, that look in her eyes...she scares me.”

“Maybe we should leave...”

“No, the salad's coming out. Look like the douche clan is getting theirs too. We can share the salad, then we can -”

“Hey, I'm back.”

“Ashley? What're you - “

“Shhh, shh, just act natural.”

“What do you mean, act natural? What did you do?”

“Nothing, nothing. I just slipped a little something in the so-called heavy metal chick's dressing. Bit of hallucinogen mixed with peanut oil. The guy said it'll make her go bonkers and kiss, like, everyone. I bet Andrew won't be that interested in her then.”

“Ashley, what're you on? That's probably illegal on so many levels and - “

“Shhh, just eat your salad!”

“No! This is crazy, Ashley! You've gone too far! I don't know where you've been buying drugs, but this is wrong and it isn't yoafugasmth.”

“Just. Eat. Your. Salad. Chew. This is going to be great.”

“Hey! Seriously, that is the most disrespectfu - “

“Plug it, Josh. I'm in the middle of revenge.”

“No, I won't 'plug it', this is – Katelyn!”

“Uugaela guggg - “

“Katelyn, really just – Ohmygod.”

“She's chocking! Get her to spit it out!”

“Oh my God!”

“Phlegh!”

“There. Oh my God, don't do that me, Katelyn. Are you okay?”

“Katelyn?”

“Oh my God she's not breathing!”

“CPR! I know CPR. Hang in there, Katelyn.”

“How...what could've... Oh. Oh no. Oh no.”

“What did you do to her, Ashley!?”

“The salad! Oh my God, the dressing. I spiked the wrong salad. I put peanut oil in it! She's allergic!”

“I need an Epi-pen! Stat!”

“Um, um, um, I can't find it! Katelyn!!!”

“She's not responding. I have no pulse. Katelyn?”

“Katelyn...?”

“She...she's dead...”

“You killed her.”