Ah, Fate!

Ah, Fate, but you are the cruelest of mistresses.



The Setting:

         Despite injuries, Freya and Alexi escaped the battle at castle Velosia and sent their few remaining soldiers to scatter to prevent them from being killed by the invading Delliosians.  After their escape, they hid their former armor and weapons to avoid notice while they traveled the countryside to their next destination.

         Tholen is a city supported by the castle of Velosia, as it provides all of the weapons and armor for the vast Velosian army.  Freya and Alexi have ordered new weapons and armor here, and have instructed the people to start anew in a land much farther from the castle in order to avoid the pillaging parties of the nearby surviving Delliosian units.  Tonight is the final night before their journey, and the people of Tholen are having a festival as a farewell to their land.

         Freya, an Angel, is the general of the now-decimated army, and Alexi is her second-in-command.  Unbeknownst to Freya, Alexi is a soulless being, created long ago.  Because he has no soul, he cannot be reborn as Freya will. In this existence, this world, lovers are born and die and reborn to meet again.  It is Freya's fate to be a champion for the Light in her lives, and her lover must share this fate as well.  Alexi must get her to fall in love with someone else, the person she is fated to be with.  But can fate be changed? How much is truly set in stone?



The Story:

         I awakened long before dawn, the weight of the night before instantly crashing against me once again.  What was I to do?  No, I knew.  I had to kill every scrap of emotion left in me.  Crush it.  Burn it.  Bury it.  But then I turned on my side, and I saw her face in the pale moonlight, feet from me, and emotion flooded me, crushed me, burned me, and I knew that one day, it would bury me as well.

         "Alexi!" Freya called from somewhere outside.  I put down the armor I had been examining and exited the blacksmith's forge.  She hadn't spoken to me often since we had arrived in Tholen, and I was taken aback by the beaming smile on her face.  I certainly didn't deserve that smile.  Why did she have to be so forgiving with me?

         "Hi!" she said once she came to an abrupt stop in front of me.

         "Hi?" I replied with a hint of question.

         "The festival is going to begin soon," she said as she pushed a stray strand of auburn hair from her face.

         "And?"  I was sure she knew I had no interest.

         Her gaze fell to the dirt at her feet, and she hesitated before speaking again.  "I... thought we could both attend.  They look at us as though we are their champions.  We're the only hope they have left."  She looked up at me once again, a determined fire behind her emerald eyes.  I knew that look so well.  "Alexi, they're giving up everything they have, everything most of them have ever known, just because we told them to.  They are headed somewhere they have never been, somewhere we told them about and how to reach, to start completely over.  Don't you think they deserve to gather more strength and reassurance from their leaders?"

         Spoken like a true general.

         "With all of that spirit, I am certain they will find all of the reassurance they need.  In you.  I have no place in it.  I don't care about them. I care about getting enough sleep and finishing preparations for our departure tomorrow morning."

         Spoken like a true heartless bastard.

         Freya narrowed her eyes at me and clenched her fists.  This was familiar as well.  As much as she dug her heels in, she always knew I didn't back down on anything when I had made a decision, and it made her quite angry.

         "You are such an asshole!  You know that?" she growled.  She turned around and folded her arms across her chest.  "You know what?  Fine.  Fine!"  Her hands flew into the air, and she turned to face me again, her face a mixture of emotions.  "I want to go.  And I want to have a good time.  And..." she muttered something under her breath before she continued.  "And I want you to be there."

         "What?"  I choked.  Why the hell would she want to be anywhere with me?  Not even a week ago I had offended her so deeply my insides still twisted at the thought, no matter how necessary it was to do.  "I--but."  I had no idea as to what I should say.  No.  Again, I knew. I should say no.

         "Just say yes, dammit!"  she shouted.  I thought I saw in her eyes then, what that mixture of emotions was.  Did she?  Could she?  No!

         "Y--yes.  I will attend this fool thing, then."

         The light that shone in her eyes at that moment, I will never forget.  Nor the blush of her cheeks, or the scent of her hair.  I will probably conjure that memory before I finally die, and my heart will sing as it shatters into a thousand pieces.

         "Ah, well.  That was easier than I had expected it would be," she said, startled.  A smile formed on her lips, and she raised an eyebrow at me.  "I'm going to change.  I'll meet you at the bonfire in a few!"  As quickly as she had appeared, she was flitting away, but I noticed a slight spring in her step, and... a giggle?  What had I just done?

***

         As I approached the bonfire, I considered several times just turning around and going back to the inn.  I knew it would be for the best.  I knew it would make things easier, in the end.  My steps, however, never faltered.  Was this what love was like?  Was this the power it held over everyone else?  I had always found it foolish, the way people acted without a shred of logic when it came to love.  Yet here I was.  A soulless being being manipulated by the bloody strings of love.  Unthinkable.  Unforgivable.

         A number of people attempted to stop me for a chat, but I was uninterested.  It was true, what I had told Freya.  I really didn't care about these people.  I suppose a part of me was satisfied that they would likely not die by the hands of the Delliosians, but that was satisfaction.  Not happiness.  So I threaded my way through crowds of giggling girls dressed in their best bows and ribbons, shy boys huddled together debating on how to ask their sweetheart to dance, and a fair share of people who had begun the drinking part of the festivities early.  And then, I laid eyes on her.

         Freya was close to the fire, chatting with a group of young women, all enthralled in whatever story she was telling. She was beautiful, her shining hair a mass of perfect curls framing her ivory face, and in a forest green velvet dress embroidered with silver vines and leaves with dewy pearls for accents--especially around the plunging neckline.  The warmth of the fire had coaxed a warm glow to her cheeks, and her lips were smooth and red as a Velosian sunset. It was enough to cause my will to crumble further.  I could not let this happen.  I had to go back.

         "Oh, Alexi!" she called after me, waving.  "Over here!"

         I sighed heavily and went to her side.  "You look..." stunning, voluptuous, beautiful, irresistible "Nice."

         She pressed her lips into a thin line.  "Nice, huh?"  Her smile returned as a wry smirk.  "Other men here have called me 'Absolutely stunning!'" She clasped her hands and her eyes shone with exaggerated dreaminess.

         "Perhaps you should be speaking with them, then,"  I said in a serious tone.  "I am certain they would appreciate a dance, yes?"

         "Later, I may humor them," she said, undaunted.  "But first, you!  If you will please excuse me, ladies," she turned to them for a moment and winked.  "My date is here."  Some of the young women raised their eyebrows at me suspiciously.  I had not proven to be a charming fellow since we had been in town.

         "Date?"  I said as she grasped my hand to pull me towards the other dancers.  "Hardly!  I am not only here because you asked me.  Do you have any idea as to how dangerous it is that we've stayed here this long?  Delliosian scouts could have already found this town; this would be the perfect time to attack!  We should have already left these people to their own and continued our journey as soon as our new armor and weapons were finished."  This was all true.  I had been against our staying until the townspeople's departure from the start.  Alas, Freya claimed the need for rest because we had not stopped anywhere for long since the battle, and her wing was still not completely healed.  "And someone has to look after you, seeing as how you are so injured."  She gave my hand a warning squeeze.  What in the Heavens or Earth did I have to do to put her off?  Women are worse than mules!

         "Tonight, Alexi," she said in a whisper as she continued to lead me.  "Just give me tonight..."

         I can't Freya.  I can't give you anything!  But I want to.  I want to give you everything.

         Wordlessly, she turned to face me, and her smile was surprisingly warm, full of promise, but also hinted at a pain which she was attempting to hide.  "I hope I remember how to do this," she said to herself as much as me, and as if on cue, the fiddlers, drummers, and flutists began a new song.  It had a fast tempo, and sounded as merry as the faces of the sweaty dancers in the crowd.  Despite having a somewhat different sound, it was a familiar song, one often played at weddings and other joyous ceremonies.  Freya really had managed to lift their sullen spirits, despite the long and difficult days that lay ahead of them.

         "You have to know this one, Alexi, even you.  Come on, dance!"  She took my hand--and the lead.  I let her lead me as I clumsily and unwillingly went through the motions of the dance.  Awkward though I looked, she had enough grace and spirit for the both of us.  Her hair and dress flew wildly as she spun, and she giggled when she missed a step.  Despite the fact that this was a dance for partners, I tried to stay out of her way, yet I was also completely enraptured by her stunning beauty.

         Oh, how I wanted to pull her body to mine and move in time with her, my hand on her curvaceous hip, and the other twined in her long, elegant fingers.  I wanted to be close enough to smell her scent and feel her breath.  This was killing me.  This was too much.  She was too close.  Tonight, too perfect.  I had to leave her there, stranded and alone.  I had to make another break, another rift between us.  But I think she saw it then, what I was thinking.  Her steps slowed, her hair fell in disarray down her back, and the light that had been in her eyes turned to pain.  This was it.  This was the moment I was waiting for.  She knew then that I didn't love her.  She knew that she had been humoring herself.  She knew.

         That is precisely the moment when something inside of me snapped.  For the first time in my long life, I lost control of myself--another unforgivable act that I will carry with me to my grave.  Yet I could take it no longer.  Seeing her pain-stricken face that night was worse than any wound I had ever managed to incur, and it cut deeper than any strike of a sword.  I unraveled right then and there.

         Before Freya could react, I stepped before her and took her in my arms, positioning her just so, and perfectly for our dance.  Stealing her lead, I moved her lithe body in perfect sync with mine.  At first, her face was a mask of utter disbelief and shock, yet once she realized what was happening, all of the stars in the night sky could not have outshone her radiant smile.  I was being the exact man she had wished for that night, and my heart raced knowing the joy that I was giving her, and also myself in return.  Damn you, Alexi, but you are the selfish, selfish fool!  But I wasn't going to change anything then.  I had gone too far.

         As we danced and wove our way through other startled couples' places, our eyes never left each others', and I realized that I was actually smiling.  Freya's hand, though battle-hardened, was small and delicate in mine, and her waist, so soft and small, yet strong.  She was everything I desired in the world, I realized.  She was perfect for me in every way.  I needed her in order to be happy.  And I just needed her.  Could I have claimed her mine, she would have been my counter-balance, my compassion and feeling, and I would have been her unshakable strength, the hard edge that she lacked.  If I'd had a soul, hers would have been its mate.  I was certain of all of this.

         And I also knew that I could never have her, never call her my own.  Already, she belonged to someone else, no matter how her hand clung to the shirt on my chest, no matter how her eyes hungered for me, no matter how she wanted me, I could never call her my own.  She deserved better than that.  She would have someone better than me, and I would make sure of it.  One day.  But not tonight.  I would give her tonight... and I would take it, as well.

         "Alexi, look." Freya whispered as I brought her close after a spin.  She smiled and looked out to the crowd that had formed around us.  I'd been oblivious to the attention.  "All of the girls," she giggled.  "They want this.  They want to be me right now.  Look at the envy in their dreamy eyes!"  What she said was true.  It seemed as though we had managed to melt the hearts of the crowd, and impress them all the same.  Freya's cheeks flushed a perfect shade of pink.  "I, myself, never thought that I would be the woman dancing with her lover like this..." she whispered as she looked to the ground.

         I was letting this get out of hand.  Lover?  Oh, Goddess Relia.  Selfish, selfish fool indeed.

         "Freya... I--"  thunderous applause interrupted what I had planned to say.  I'm sorry, but I'm not in love with you.  The music had come to a conclusion, and the crowd began to press in on us, their voices a cacophony of praise and adoration.

         Freya pressed herself against me as she stood on her toes and whispered in my ear.  Her scent burned through my emotions like a fire through kindling.  "Let's get out of here.  I think the musicians are taking a break."  When she was firmly on her feet again, she looked up at me and smiled.  Without thinking, I raised my hand, put it to her cheek, and nodded.

         She turned and began to make her way through the crowd of onlookers. I walked beside her, keeping my hand at her lower back. I'd never done such a thing before, but I'd seen it innumerable times. And it felt... right.

         I thought that she would stop to talk to some of the people who were vying for her attention, but she politely smiled and waved her hand to pass. I hadn't even realized how many lives she had touched in the days we had been in Tholen. A remarkable woman. Why must it have been her fate to fall in love with me? Why did she not despise me, as everyone else always did? With her open heart, she saw more in the world than what other people saw with their eyes. I often suffered the thought that this trait may one day be her undoing. But until the day a lover held her heart safely, I would protect the bleeding organ with my own hands. Bah! I was doing a damned fine job of it that evening. End this!

         My hand never moved from her.

         After only a short walk, we reached a pier which stretched into the swiftly-moving Thyne river. The crisp light of the Spring moon glimmered on the running water like polished swords cutting through black silk. I knew Freya loved it. She could always be found near some source of water when she was troubled. Or happy, for that matter.

         "Do you believe in Fate?" She asked as she gazed gazed into the starlit sky.

         "Yes, and no."

         She was silent a moment.  "You should know I will ask what you mean by that."

         I exhaled. "I believe there are things in this world that are immutable truths. We can change things in ourselves, or change what we become, but if you are called to a sort of destiny that tangles with these truths, I believe you become tangled in them as well."

         "What does that mean?" Her head tilted back and she fell against my chest. My body became stone against her flesh. Breathing seemed impossible.

         "You can fight your fate, or destiny, or whatever you will call it, but ultimately it is the person who you are, in your soul, that will drive you towards something. Just as you can't leave these people to their ruin, you also can't leave the world to it either. Call it your "Fate" if you wish, but you will always act in the way you see fit because of that pull in your heart. Is this war your choice, Freya? As a woman, do you truly want to do this?" I noticed that her breathing had slowed, and she was silent. My arms ached to envelope her, comfort her.

         Her eyes closed on clear, dewy pearls. I had never seen her like this. Her voice was barely above a whisper. "I can do this. I just need you to stay by my side." She turned and faced me, tears trailing down her cheeks as she opened her eyes. "You know that I am in love with you, Alexi. You know exactly how I feel. You know that I chose you above anyone else that day. I have tried to hate you, tried to loosen my heart's grip on you. I couldn't. I can't. You are everything I want, I need. You are my strength, my pillar, and so many times my savior. I know there's more to you than the person you present to everyone else; I've seen tenderness in your eyes when even you didn't realize it was there. But tonight was my last hope that I could touch you, your heart. I knew that you were capable of loving someone, but I didn't know if you were capable of loving... me."

         "You're wrong," I said, my tone harsher than intended. "I am incapable of loving anyone. There is nothing in me built to love. Your kind were created to be noble, compassionate, loving. I was created to be worse than the opposite. I simply don't care. I do as I will, so long as I become a better weapon for it."

         "I don't believe you! You could still follow your calling as a warrior, but you would be my weapon, my sword and shield, my lover."

         "It's not that simple, fool woman! I haven't what you need, to give. What don't you understand about that?"

         "I don't believe you," she said one last time before she took my face firmly in her hands and kissed me. With a pathetic effort, I pushed against her, but she clung to me with a passionate purpose. The scent of her body, the taste of her mouth ignited something primal and unknown inside of me.  I gripped her arms and pulled her roughly to me, pressing my mouth onto hers. Every one of my senses roared to life to consume her, and she eagerly surrendered to my arms. I didn't understand then, how Freya could be meant for anyone else but me. How could this exist between either of us and anyone else? As our embrace lingered, I began to feel us melt into each other. I felt the pounding of her heart in her breast.

         And then it was gone. My eyes shot open and I reached out to grasp only air. Trying to focus my eyes in the dim moonlight, I shouted her name at the top of my lungs. No reply. Feelings of rapture from only moments before fell away from me like sheets of ice. I took a deep breath and pushed everything I felt back into the familiar depths of my insides. I had to focus. A silent, stiff breeze hit me, and it was then that I realized my shirt and trousers were soaked down the front with water. In the distance, I heard the festival's band begin a haunting tune.

         "Alexi!" Freya's garbled scream rose from the river below me as her hand reached from the depths of the water to clench the pier. I fell to my knees and gripped her hand, but some otherworldly force pulled her just out of my reach before I could secure her. Then, the river itself began to lift her out of its depths. Tendrils of water wrapped around her, holding her body and limbs firm. She struggled against it, but water soon covered her completely. Only feet from me, Freya writhed inside of a giant bubble of water that floated just above the surface of the river. Just as I prepared to jump inside the thing myself, I heard a bitter, shrieking cackle drift across the surface of the water. The river was laughing at our plight.

         "And 'ere I thought I would never see this day!" An ephemeral voice seemed to sing inside my head. Freya seemed to hear it as well, as she ceased struggling against her watery prison.

         "Release her! Whatever damned being you are! Let her go!" My fist clenched around my sword hilt and I drew my weapon against our yet invisible adversary.

         Tiny bells of laughter drifted in the breeze as a mist began to form over the river. In a moment, the mist began to coalesce into a woman's form. I wondered then, if it was an enraged water spirit with which I dealt. Provoking their ire was nearly unheard of, but possible. She strode towards me, her misty feet seeming to step from an unknown plane into our own. By the time she had reached me, the grey mist had twisted and hardened, taking on the pale white color of the moon itself. Only a translucent dress of mist covered her naked body. Her lips twisted into a smile, and mist trailed from her hand as she reached to touch me. I backed away.

"What is it that you want from us?" I didn't want to anger her further, but I also knew Freya could only hold her breath for so long. I had to make this work.

         "Want from you?" Her silvery voice held mirth and bitterness at once. "I have what I want. She will die, slowly, and you will watch. She's not human, is she? She should be turning blue by now." Her obvious surprise was almost childlike. "Well, I'm not human either, you see. And when she is gone, I can keep you. I will break you, and make you mine."

         "I don't think you understand what you are dealing with, sprite. Release her and go back to the plane to which you belong. I don't have to kill you."

         "Kill me?" Laughter peeled from her pale, perfect mouth. "I am a fae and you are but a man! Now, watch as she struggles against my bonds. She is a strong one, but I am better!  I had her wrapped in my web by the time she kissed you. My water is already in her lungs. Watch now! I feel her getting weaker!"

         I looked down and saw vines of mist creeping up my body, beginning to entangle me. I tried to sweep them away, but then she struck. In an instant, the misty vines turned to water that had the strength of a living thing. It pulled at my sword and my hands, trying to draw my limbs together and disarm me. Wretched satisfaction painted the sprite-woman's face.

         "I have you now. You're mine." She held up a rope of water in her hand, and clenched it. My bonds grew tighter. This. Now.

         "I only belong to Freya," I whispered. I saw her sapphire eyes grow wide as I summoned everything within me, every darkness-tinged scrap of power I possessed.  I didn't even need to cut the rope which she held. I grabbed it with my bare hands and rent the thing in two. Water sheeted from my body before evaporating into the night air. I already had my sword at her slender throat. Killing her would free Freya, just as breaking her magicked bonds freed me. My hands were steady as I pressed the cold blade into her neck.

         "No! Alexi, no!" Freya's voice broke the emptiness in my mind, and I hesitated. Suddenly, my arms held only a cold, lingering mist. The sprite-woman was gone.

         Without thought, I dove into the water towards where Freya had been imprisoned. She was treading water, but barely. Her body was exhausted. Choking coughs escaped her lips as I pulled her to a ladder on the pier. She rolled to her knees and wretched more water than I thought possible for her to consume. Certainly, she had been near death. I had almost been too late.

         "Are you all right?  Can you breathe?" I took her in my arms again. The song the band had been playing continued its lilting, melancholy melody behind us. I felt empty.

         "I am." She looked up at me and smiled, her expression unexpectedly soft, tender. "Thank you, Alexi, for tonight. For everything tonight." She lay her head against my chest, and closed her eyes. She'd fainted in my arms.

         With my free hand, I picked up my fallen sword to return it to its sheath. Tucking my arm beneath her legs, I stood, and began carrying her towards the warmth of the bonfire, where the town's two doctors and and their assistants would surely be, hopefully sober. I could tend Freya tonight if need be, but I needed to be away from her. I needed to escape the spell she'd cast upon me that night. Not only had I failed miserably at pushing her away, but because of that I put her life in danger. I lost myself in her, in the moment, and I didn't see the threat that lurked about us, crawling up her body and snatching her from my grasp. Right then, everything was in ruin, and I had to fix it as best I could. I would tell her that this was all a lie, and I was merely doing as she had asked. I would never speak of it otherwise.

         Unsmiling, I looked down at her, her reddish curls now clinging lifelessly to her pale face. I knew then that I would never see those emerald eyes shine with happiness when they met mine again. I would destroy her love for me. Crush it, burn it, bury it.

         The music stopped as I approached the crowd. I heard an instrument clatter to the ground as one of the doctors ran to us.

         "What happened to her?" His eyes were augers staring into mine.

         "She nearly drowned. Can you keep her well?"

         "Yes, yes she should be fine, but we need to get her to a bed and near a fire. Come! Come!" The short, balding man motioned with a thick hand to others in the crowd. Hushed whispers and the crackling of flame were all that could be heard around the rustling of frenzied footsteps.

         I was led to a house near the bonfire, and several of the townswomen began to undress her as soon as I had laid her on the bed. My hand hesitated on the back of her head before I left her go. My breath caught as pain stabbed my chest. This would not only be painful for me. I hated myself for my deception tonight, but it would be undone. With time, any love can be undone.

         I left her then and walked into the crisp night air, letting it wash every trace of her from me. Tomorrow was a new day, and we would be traveling to a new destination. I needed to talk to Neight.  Now.  As I walked deeper into the forest, the trees seemed to close behind me.