That Summer

I hate the Fourth of July.
It was the summer of 2014, I was 18 years old and had just graduated high school. The last thing I wanted to do was spend the summer at the marina with my family, but I was forced to go. Both of my parents had a well-paying job, so my family had a summer lake house. It was fun when I was a child, but now, spending that much time with my family is just too much. Little did I know, however, that that summer would be forever burned into my brain.
That summer I met the love of my life.
.............
         We arrived at our lake house two weeks after graduation, on a Sunday in early May. I hopped out of the car, exhausted from riding in the van with my two younger siblings for four hours. I used my key to unlock the house and went straight to my room, throwing myself down on the bed.
         "No, Kristina, you have to come get your stuff."
         I rolled my eyes as mom ordered me about, and slowly pulled myself to my feet. As I was walking to the car my two little brothers, Aaden and Caleb ran around my legs. Aaden is five and Caleb is seven.
         "Why don't the brats have to do anything?" I whined to my mom as I reached the car.
         "They are just children. You are an adult."
         I roll my eyes again and grab my suitcase out of the trunk. I have a lot of stuff at the house already, but there were a few things I want to bring.
I had reentered my room, and was about to close the door when my mom calls out to me: "Dinner will be at six o'clock!"
"Not eating," I reply, closing the door.
I drop to the floor and reach my hand under my bed in search for the box that I've had ever since I was ten. My fingers close around the metal handle and I pull it out from under the bed, brushing off the dust that has accumulated on it. I open the latch, and smile. Close to the amount of 3,000 green bills stare up at me. I snatch a few and shove them in my pocket. I head over to my window, hoist it open, and crawl out.
................
         My name is Kristina Annabelle Lovelace. I am 18, I live in North Carolina, and I plan to get as far away from here as possible when I'm older. I'm your average height of 5'5, with long dark brown hair. My skin is sun kissed and my muscles are toned. I like to take care of my appearance. I've been told that my green eyes can pierce a soul with one simple look, and that my smile can light up the night. My parents say I'm a rebel, a trouble maker, but I'm just simply a girl trying to find her place in this big, big world.
.....................
I reach the board walk and smile at the sound of the boats on the water. I breathe in deeply; fish, water, sunscreen, sand, bug spray, and food. Food. That's what I came here for. I walk along the boardwalk and look at each food place carefully, even though I know them all by heart. I finally make my decision and walk into a local burger joint and grab myself a seat at the bar.
         "Kris, baby. You're back!"
         I look up from my menu and smile at Susan, who has been a family friend for years. She has always been like an aunt to me.
         "You work here now?" I ask her, looking over her ridiculous waitress uniform.
         "Yes, baby. Had to pick up an extra job on the side."
         We small talk for a while and then she takes my order. As I wait for my food, I hear a large group of girls giggle loudly, and I spin around in my bar seat to see what's going on. I see that it's just a bunch of teenage girls being loud and obnoxious. I'm about to turn back when one girl locks eyes with me. She has the perfectly curled blonde hair and tan skin. Her blue eyes shine brightly in the sun. She smiles at me, and for some reason, my face grows warm. I avert my eyes quickly, but find myself wanting to look at her again. I look back up, but she has put her attention on her friends once again.
         I face forward once I hear a plate set down in front of me and I look at my food but no longer find myself hungry. Something just happened inside of me when I looked at that girl, but I can't explain it. I ask Susan for a to-go box, pay her, and make my way out of the joint and back onto the boardwalk.
         As I'm making my way down to the beach, I hear a voice behind me.
         "Hey, wait up!"
         I turn my head, and the blonde as jogging after me. I stop and turn fully around.
         "Hi, I'm Bailey! You must be new here," she says, holding out her hand.
         I place my box on the top of the railing and grab her hand, shaking it.
         "I'm Kristina...and no actually. I'm not really new. My family lives here during the summer," I explain.
         "Well, how cool is that? I actually just moved here at the end of last summer. Those girls in there are my friends from school. You looked kind of lonely sitting up there all by yourself, so I figured I'd come say hi!"
         I look her over. She's petite, with hair about the same length as mine. I'd say she's about 5'2, and a tiny little thing. Her baby blue eyes just add to her all over adorableness.
         "Oh, no, that's alright," I say, and I can feel myself blushing.
         "Oh come on, everyone could use a friend. And there's something about you that just draws me to you," she coos. I feel myself blushing and I look shyly down at the ground. "Oh my God, Kristina, are you blushing?"
         I look back up at her at the sound of my name and she gives me this cute little wink.
         "I knew it!" she says proudly.
         "Knew what?" I ask, dumbly.
         "Oh, nothing," she teases.
         As I go to cross my arms and demand information, I manage to knock my to-go box over the railing and into the lake. Bailey giggles.
         "Don't worry about that. Come with me and I'll get you another!"
         "Oh, no. That's fine. I'm not all that hungry. I was going to take it home and throw it out anyway," I say truthfully.
         Bailey thinks for a quick second then says: "Well, how about I take you out to dinner some other time?"
         I'm taken aback a bit, but find myself saying yes.
................
          I get back to my room and throw myself on the bed. I pull the slip of paper that Bailey gave to me, bearing her phone number. And all of a sudden I'm scared. Did I just agree to go on a date with this girl? I am not a lesbian. Right? I'm not a lesbian? This thought had never crossed my mind, as far as I can remember. But after today it's all I can think about. I kept telling my head that I did not have a crush on this girl, but my heart knows I did.
..................
         Two weeks later I finally call up Bailey, and we agree on a date, time, and place.
         I meet her that night at a local restaurant that overlooks the lake. She looks beautiful, and her smile is as bright as ever. Over dinner, we talk about our lives and get to know each other better. She grew up in a small town outside of Albany, New York on a ranch. She is an only child, and has been spoiled her whole life. However, she is very down to earth. When she was six she was in a horrible car accident and was paralyzed from the waist down and told she was never going to walk again. But after years of therapy she regained her senses and now she runs track. I was short on words, just happy with hearing her beautiful voice, and she seemed okay with that.
         "So, how long have you known you were gay?"
         I about spit out my drink at her question.
         "Oh, I'm not..." I start, but she interrupts me.
         "Honey, we wouldn't be here if you weren't gay," she says sweetly with a smile.
         I can't help but know she's right.
         "I'm still coming to terms with it, I guess," I say quietly.
         As we leave the restaurant, our dinners completely paid for by Bailey, it is ten o'clock.
         "Let's go for a walk," she says, grabbing my hand.
         I'm a little nervous with the gesture, but I lace my fingers through hers, and am surprised to find that the fit is very comfortable.
         We reach the beach part of lake and decide to sit down and rest for a bit. The water's calm sound makes me a bit sleepy, but I fight it off.
         "So tell me your darkest secret," Bailey says quietly.
         I look at her with wary eyes. I just met this girl, but at that moment I felt like I had known her for years. I rack my brain, trying to stall. I already know my darkest secret. She notices me hesitating, and she pulls herself closer to me, snuggling into my arms. The touch of her gives me chills, even though her body is warm.
         "I killed my little sister."
         She doesn't have the reaction I imagined she would have. I expected her to quickly pull herself away from me and look at me with eyes full of fear. Instead, she snuggles in tighter and rubs circles on my thigh with her thumb.
         "What happened?" she asked calmly.
         "She was three. I was thirteen. We were here actually. We were in the country club kiddy pool playing. This boy I thought was cute at the time asked me if he could buy me an ice-cream. I figured she would be fine by herself for a few minutes, so I got up and left with him. I was gone for five minutes. I come back to the pool and people are crying and shrieking. I run over, and they are surrounding my little sister. She had tried to follow me and ended up slipping and hitting her head. She fell into the pool face first and drowned," as I'm recalling the story, I find myself fighting back tears.
         Bailey was quiet for a moment, then says: "Ew, you thought a boy was cute?"
         I laugh a little and hug her tighter to me. This feels so natural.
         "You didn't kill her, my darling. It was an accident," she says seriously, sitting up enough to look me in the eyes. She notices my tears, and kisses my cheek. My stomach starts to swarm at the small gesture, and I don't feel the need to cry anymore.
         I allow myself to fall back flat, so that I'm lying, staring up at the stars. Bailey comes right down with me, still snuggled up.
         "What's her name?"
         "Amanda," I say quietly, not having spoken her name in years. "She would be eight now."
         "The Amanda Kiddy Pool. That's why it's called that. I've lived here for almost a year, but have never learned why it was called that."
         I nod, not caring if she could sense it or not.
         I was about to fall asleep, when a bright light is shined in my face. I open my eyes as much as I can without being blinded.
         "Kristina Annabelle Lovelace!"
         I sit up quick at the sound of my father's voice, knocking Bailey completely off of me.
         "It is past midnight. You come home right this instant, and we will talk about this in the morning."
         "Dad, I'm 18!" I exclaim, not wanting to leave Bailey.
         "I don't care. You still live under our roof and you abide by our rules," he says sternly.
         I give Bailey and apologetic look and rise to my feet. She gives me a sad smile as I walk away.
         As we get back to the house, mom is still sitting up with an angry look on her face.
         "Exactly where have you been?" she asks angrily.
         "She was on the beach, cuddled up with a girl," my dad says, sounding disgusted.
         I look at my mom to see her reaction, and her face softens. I am filled with shock, as that was not what I had expected.
         "We will talk about this in the morning, honey," she says quietly.
         I stay standing, still a bit confused, but mom throws her glance in the direction of my bedroom and I manage to make my way there. As I close the door, I can hear my father talking angrily to my mom, and my mom responding back quietly.
         "You can't seriously be okay with this?" I hear him say, before I decide to drown them out.
         I'm about to get in bed, when I hear a soft knock at my window. I look in that direction, and see Bailey. I jump to my feet and open my window, leaning out to see her.
         "Are you going to be okay?" she asks, concern written over her face.
         "I don't really know. I guess I'll find out in the morning," I say with a sigh. Then it hits me. "Wait, how did you know where I lived?"
         She giggles. "I followed you!"
         I hit her playfully on the arm. She acts like it hurt really bad, and starts to turn away to leave. I grab her arm and pull her back, and she decides to climb through my window.
         "I don't know if this is the best idea," I whisper, not wanting my parents to overhear.
         "Oh, don't worry. I won't stay long," she says as she walks around my room, admiring it. She's about to pull out a photo album from my book shelf, but I grab her waist not wanting her to see my childhood pictures. She spins around in my arms, and her body is pressed tightly against mine. I can feel butterflies swarming in my stomach, and my body fills with heat. We stare at each other for a bit, our faces just inches away. And before I know it, there is no distance, and her lips are pressed softly against mine.
         I quickly find myself kissing her back. I don't want to stop, but she pulls way and smiles at me.
         "I better go," she says.
         I give her a pouty face and she laughs. She gives me one last peck on the lips and then is out my window, disappearing into the darkness.
............
I don't see or talk to Bailey for two weeks after that. My dad grounded me, to my mother's objections, and took away my phone. I also wasn't allowed to leave the house without them. I couldn't sneak out my window at night, because my dad locked it from the outside. On top of that, I was never alone with my mother, and if I was it was a few short minutes. I had no one to talk to, and I was losing my mind not being able to see Bailey. I knew I really liked this girl, and that I had never felt like this before. I had only dated a few times, and never a girl, but this felt different. It felt right. At the end of two weeks, I finally got my phone back. My mom pulled me aside alone to talk to me.
         "I love you no matter what," she said. I smile up at her in gratefulness. "And you're father does too. He just needs more time."
         I nod. "So, you're okay with me being...gay?" I asked, only having come to full terms with it myself recently.
         "Honey, I knew since you were three."
         I laugh a little, but understand. I always have been a tomboy.
         After she leaves, I check my phone. Quite a few texts and voicemails from Bailey, and I check them all. They say cute things like "I miss you" and "I hope everything is okay." I leave the house as fast as I can and walk the short distance to the marina, in search for Bailey. After about ten minutes I'm about to call her, when I see her laying out on the beach. I sneak up on her, and lay down next to her quietly. She has her eyes closed so I know she doesn't see me. Before I do anything to get her attention, I look at her. Her blonde hair is up in a bun, and she's got thick sun glasses on. Her earrings glisten in the sun light, and her neon pink bikini makes her skin look even tanner. My gaze falls on her stomach; a toned, tan stomach with a play boy bunny belly button ring. When I'm done looking at all her beauty, I lie down and loop my arm over her stomach. She jumps into a sitting position and pushes her glasses up on her head. I prop myself up on my elbows and give her a smirk while she catches her breath. When she is fully recovered, she gives me a big hug and a giant kiss.
         "I missed you so much!" she says into my neck.
         "I missed you too," I say softly.
         "How are you? Is everything okay? What did your parents say?" she shoots at me.
         I laugh and place my hands on her shoulders. "Calm down, cutie. Everything is fine. Mom is good, dad needs time," I explain. She sighs with relief.
         "I was so worried they would pack you up and send you home!"
         "I would find my way back," I say. She flashes a big smile at me and hugs me again. "You wanna go out tonight? My treat."
         She nods quickly. "Oh yes, that'd be wonderful! What do you have in mind?"
         I pull her into my lap and wrap my arms around her waist. I plant soft kisses on her neck in-between telling her: "It's a surprise. Dress nice, my darling."
.....................
I pick Bailey up at her house at six. She's wearing a cute little purple sun dress, and I have on nice jeans and a polo. I take her hand and walk her down to C dock. When I step on my family's boat, she stops.
         "Is this yours? It's beautiful," she says in awe. I step back and look at the personally designed Cobalt speed boat and smile. I grab her hand and lead her on deck. She sits next to me at the wheel, and we make our way to the little island. I can tell she has figured out where we are going by the look on her face. We have reached Sea View Island, which is home to a very nice restaurant. I dock the boat and lead my lady to the restaurant.
         We eat and talk, catching up over the last two weeks we have missed. When we leave, and are back on the boat, I decided to take her to the tiny island my family owns. The ride is about an hour, but the water and my girl by my side make it go by quickly.
         "I've never been here before," she says in amazement as she looks around. There is a little beach, and flowering trees all around. I decide not to tell her my family owns it, because I don't like to brag. We sit down on the beach and watch as the sun sets.
         "These past two weeks really got me thinking," I say, as I stroke Bailey's hand with my thumb. "I've really come to terms with who I am...and I thought a lot about you." I see a grin creep across Bailey's face. "You're absolutely beautiful, Bailey Jane, and amazing, and I've never met someone quite like you. My attraction to you is strong, and I don't want anyone else. So, Bailey Jane Stanford, will you be my girlfriend?"
         She looks at me with wide eyes, a huge smile on her face. "Yes, baby!" she answers, and kisses my lips. I kiss her back, and pull her body close to mine.
         It's starting to get very late, so we decide it's time to head back. We can't stop kissing each other, and we don't want to leave, but we know we will see each other again in the morning.
         "Let's do this again sometime," I say, as I kiss her at her doorstep. She nods enthusiastically, and kisses me one last time before entering her house.
         I walk the five blocks back to my house, with a very happy heart. I knew I was falling for this girl.
..................
         We did go back to the island two weeks later. By this time, Bailey had been over for dinner and met the family, and vice versa. I was falling in love with this girl, and I felt like she was falling for me too. It had only been two weeks, but feelings were running strong. We went on many little dates, but none as big as the one I took her on.
         In the second week of June is when we went back. It was her 18th birthday, and I wanted to treat her. I had been to the island earlier that day while she was celebrating with family to set up for the occasion. I had made her favorite meal, open faced turkey sandwiches, stolen a bottle of wine from the fridge, and baked her a red velvet cake.
         I led her into the house on the island, which she had never seen before, and led her to the kitchen. I had our meals already laid out on the table with candles lit, and I pulled out flowers I had hidden and gave them to her.
         "Baby, it looks beautiful," she says, leaning back into me.
         I wrap my arms around her from behind and she leans her head back for a kiss. I kiss her softly on the forehead and she closes her eyes. We stand like that for a moment, but then I kiss her softly on the neck and say: "Let's go eat before it gets cold."
         We devour our meals, both having not eaten a big lunch. The cake I made is small, but perfect for two. She loves it, and gets icing all over her mouth.
         "Open it," I say, shoving a small gift back across the table.
         "Oh, baby. You didn't have to get me anything," she says, as she stars opening the bag.
         "Of course I did. You're my girlfriend and I..." I was about to say "I love you", but I stopped myself, not wanting to seem like I was moving too fast. She didn't seem to notice. She pulled out a box and opened it, revealing a custom made "Bailey" necklace with an infinity sign at the end and diamonds throughout the letters. A huge smile breaks out across her face and she jumps up to hug and kiss me.
         "I love it so much!" she exclaims as I fasten it around her neck. I kiss her neck when I'm done, and she meets my lips with hers. When I pull back she begins to yawn and I laugh, taking her hand and leading her to the bedroom.
         We get into the large bed, but we only use about 1/3 of it, because she snuggles up to me.
         "Thank you for everything," she says into my neck. I kiss her forehead in response.
         I lie there for a while, wide awake. Bailey tries to get comfortable on me, and ends up with one of her hands palm down against my chest. It sends shivers down my spine, and I allow her to rest it there for a bit before I can't handle the touching anymore. I take her hand and lace her fingers in mine, and use my other arm to pull her body up so that our faces our inches apart. She looks at me with happy eyes that glisten in the moonlight that is coming through the window. I pull my fingers through her hair and bring her lips to mine. We kiss softly at first, but then it starts to get a bit rough, each of us biting each other's lip occasionally. Her soft hand slides up the back of my shirt, and I feel her fumbling with the hooks on my bra.
         I pull back for a moment: "Are you ready? Are you okay?" I ask, making sure I'm not pressuring her.
         "Baby, I'm ready."
         We go back to kissing, and articles of clothing begin to come off. It's not until we are both completely naked that I stop and look at her. The moonlight makes her tan body look even more beautiful, and I realize I am seeing her completely. I kiss her one last time before we make sweet love for the first time.
.........
         When we are done, she cuddles up next to me as always. Her soft skin presses against mine, and I've never felt happier. Her breaths started to even out, and I thought she was asleep, but she lightly kissed my breast and looked up at me.
         "What, baby?" I ask softly, smoothing down her hair.
         "I love you," she says softly.
         I kiss her on the forehead and hold her tight in my arms. "I love you, too, baby girl."
         She gets back into her sleeping position and moments later is fast asleep.
............
         "Kristina, baby, what makes you love me?" Bailey asked one day, about a week later, as we laid on a dock, our hair hanging over the edge.
         "Everything about you, darling. Your smile, your laugh, your eyes, your hair. Everything about you is perfect to me. I wouldn't trade you for the world."
         She rolls over onto her stomach and smiles at me. She plants a kiss on my lips and then leans her head on my chest.
         "What's going to happen to us?" she asks quietly, after a few minutes of silence.
         "What do you mean, love?" I ask.
         She sits up, propping her chin on her hands. "I mean, we are both going off to college next year. You'll be in California, and I'll still be here in North Carolina. That's so far away," she says, tears welling up in her eyes.
         I pull her back down to me, wrapping my arms tightly around her.
         "You know, ever since I was 14 I wanted to get so far away from here. I never had a reason to stay. I mean, yeah, I had my family, but it's easy enough for me to see them. But, things have changed. I have a reason to stay, now," I say, not showing any emotion on my face.
         Bailey looks at me with a confused look on her face, and I burst out laughing.
         "Oh, honey. I was going to surprise you with the news tonight! I cancelled my admission at Berkely and made it official at UNC yesterday!"
         Bailey furrows her brow, definitely not the reaction I had expected.
         "You didn't have to do that for me. You've wanted to go to Berkely since you were a kid. I don't want you to give up your dreams for me," she says.
         I take her hands in mine and kiss them. "Baby, you are my dream. UNC has a great PT program, and I'll get to be with you."
         I'm guessing she accepts the news now, because she smiles brightly.
         "You know, people think I'm crazy. Planning my life at such a young age with a girl I just met. But this is real, Kris. I've never felt surer about anything," she says.
         "I agree completely. But, you are pretty crazy," I say, jokingly.
         She shoves my shoulders playfully, but just enough that I fall over the dock and into the lake. When I resurface, Bailey looks at me with an apologetic look, but I can tell she is fighting off laughter. She holds out her hand to help me out, and I take it, but I pull her in along with me. She shrieks as she falls, as any typical girl would do.
         "I'm going to kill you!" she sputters, wiping water out of her eyes.
         "Gotta catch me first!" I say as I take off swimming down the lake.
.....................
         As the Fourth of July rolls around, the atmosphere at the marina changes. Everyone seems happy and the air feels lighter. People are putting out decorations, preparing for the big day. I'm excited to experience Bailey's first Fourth here with her, and she seems pretty excited too. My mom is busy baking for the community cook out that takes place every year, so Bailey and I are in charge of decorating the outside of the house. My little brothers are useless, however, they are just as in love with Bailey as I am, if not more, so we are able to convince them to help a little. The fireworks are being delivered, and children are running around with sparklers, celebrating a little early. I love the Fourth of July.
...................
         When the day is finally here, I wake up excited, with Bailey in my arms. We stayed at the island house again last night.
         "Wake up, my little darling," I say, kissing her nose repeatedly. She groans a little and rolls to her other side. I laugh and wrap my arm around her, grabbing her breast.
         "Krissy, I'm up!" she moans. I kiss her back and hop out of bed, making my way to the bathroom.
         "Man, this shower sure will be cold all by myself," I say in a you-better-get-your-butt-out-of-bed tone.
         She rolls onto her back and looks at me. "Really?" she says, sounding a bit annoyed.
         "Yes, now get up!" I say, smacking the bed with a towel.
         She slowly gets out of bed, and we enjoy a nice shower together before heading back to the mainland.
         When we arrive, the town is already buzzing. Patriotic songs are constantly playing on the speakers at the docks, and people all over are wearing red, white, and blue. All restaurants and stores, except the main convenience store, are close for the day. Everyone is busy cooking and decorating for the big cookout. Some people have already claimed their spots for the fireworks show. Bailey and I spend the whole day together, enjoying ourselves. We play with snappers and colored smoke bombs, entertaining my brothers while my parents are busy.
         When six o'clock rolls around, we all head over to the cook out. Kids are splashing in the pool, not listening to their parents telling them it's time to eat. When we reach the country club center, we find ourselves a seat and take turns getting food so that no one takes our place. The whole town is here.
         "You like it so far?" I ask Bailey as she leans into my arm and I rub her side.
         "So much. It feels like a giant family reunion," she says. I laugh, because her statement is pretty accurate.
         We finished eating, stuffed to no end. It's starting to get dark out, so the fireworks should be starting soon. Bailey and I find ourselves and spot on a dock, and spread out the blanket and sit down. We talk and kiss in anticipation of the show.
         "They are always amazing here," I say, remembering all the years past.
         "I can't wait!"
         In about another hour, the show starts. It's slow going at first, the least impressive fireworks to start. They start picking up, and Bailey cuddles into me happily.
         "Bailey, kid, wanna come light one?"
         We both look up and see her dad standing over us.
         "Sure, daddy, be there in a second!"
         She starts to stand up, but I hold her back.
         "Bails, I don't know about this. Fireworks can be pretty dangerous," I say, a scared feeling inside of me.
         "Don't worry, babe. I've done it before. My dad use to run them back home. He knows what he's doing," she explains to me calmly.
         "Alright, baby. Be careful. I love you," I before she kisses me.
         "I love you, too! I'll be right back!"
         Bailey follows her dad and I lean back, trying to relax.
         The show is going great, and I can still see Bailey. She looks like she is having a blast. It's time for her and her dad to light one, and I watch as they light the fuse and run back to get in the clear. But the firework doesn't go off when it should. There's a few moments of silence, and then a huge explosion of fire.
...............
         That summer, I lost the love of my life.
         It was a faulty firework, there is no way they could have known. Something went wrong in the manufacturing and it went undetected.
         Bailey was pronounced dead on the scene. Her father was rushed to the nearest hospital. When he came to, they told him his little girl had died. He killed himself three days later.
         I don't understand how something to good can be taken away so fast. Bailey's necklace was salvaged, and I was the lucky recipient. People looked at me with depressed eyes for days, so I just stopped going out. I've lost 20 pounds since her death, and I've begun to drink. At her funeral, I was asked to speak, but when I went up front, I just stood there staring at the picture of her next to her casket.
         I shut everyone out and became a recluse. I never smiled, I never laughed. I didn't have a reason to without Bailey.
         I use to love the Fourth of July, but after this year, I hate it.