Shreds of betrayal

SHREDS OF BETRAYAL 

I was walking with my sister along the aisle, both of our hands intertwined as we walked in slow motion. White roses were all over the ground, and some balloons stuck on the poles that were covered in green and white clothes. The atmosphere was full of joy and warmness. The day had finally come when my sister would get wedded to another man and start living a new life.  A life full of responsibilities and a lot to bear. Most of the folks looked joyful, especially the old women and men. This was probably because they knew all about love and also knew the price one had to pay. They knew what was awaiting the two couples who were going to be joined together for the rest of their lives. However not all the people looked happy because to some, marriage had a different meaning. It was like a mystery waiting for the newlyweds to unveil .

As for me I wasn't happy, I have always had this weird imagination that marrying was the scariest and dumbest thing to do on earth. Perhaps I thought it was dumb because as a young man, getting married means losing all your freedom. Freedom like hanging out in pubs  at odd hours , having sex with different girls , going for sleepover and even partying almost every weekend .  As for the scary part, for some reason I have always imagined marriage life to be, a pool full of sharks waiting to smell some blood. Blood that would be caused by, us tarring each other apart because of some stupid things that could be avoided. Maybe all this was my way of thinking ,maybe someday I will come to the realization that I was wrong . Maybe after all it made people happy . Talking of happiness , I couldn't stop starring at my sister. She looked kind of an easy , she was sweating a lot . Was her gown too tight? Was the weather not conducive enough for her to bare?

No one knew what was troubling her, no one could tell but for sure I knew that something was up. She was trying as much as she could to hide behind her broad smile, but she couldn't play that trick with me.  I knew something was troubling her but she couldn't say it. My sister was the kind of a girl who never opened up easily to anyone. She had specific people that she could disclose to. Unfortunately I wasn't among those few people, but this particular day I tried as much as I could to make her open up to me.

As we walked down the aisle, I kept on whispering to her, "sis what's wrong, you don't look well ".  She would whisper back and say," I am ok, don't worry about me." I held her hand so tight and told her, "you know that you can tell me anything? ", and then she smiled back. We were a few meters away from the priest when my sister slowed me down and whispered to my ears some strange words. "I am about to make the worst mistake ever and I don't know how I will stop that from happening  ".  I couldn't believe my ears, I looked at her and she looked like she was serious about it. I dint know what to do or say at that particular moment.  At the back of my mind I was telling myself all along I have always been right. At the same time I was wondering what took her that long to realize that she was making the wrong mistake.  I thought of how I could be of help.  I couldn't figure out something but I had to promise her that I would help.

I cared so much about my sister , I couldn't bare the fact that she was going to make a terrible mistake . I had to figure out something , something to stop her from making the worst mistake of her life . I wouldn't want to always feel guilty that I did nothing to help yet I knew she needed help . I wanted to be there for her when she needed me most. I dint want to let her down.  We carried on quietly  , we were both looking terrified .

Finally we had arrived , the bridesmaids went to sit on the right hand side and grooms sat on the left hand side. The room was quiet and the only people standing were the usher boys, my sister and his husband to be.

10 minutes later the priest was reading the vows and making sure they agree to them . All this time I was still wondering what to do , my mind was not with my body . I was sinking in my deep thoughts until I heard the priest say "Alison, do you take Derrick to be your lawful husband?"  That's when I wished the ground would open and swallow me alive. I had not yet come up with anything to stop the marriage. My sister stood there without saying a word. She kept on looking at the aisle, as if wanting to run away and forget that she ever wanted to get married. Her eyes were watery, her mouth moved up and down but words couldn't come out.  Her whole body was now trembling and she was sweating seriously. She looked at me one more last time, waiting for me to do something. There was nothing to do, I couldn't stop the marriage from happening. I had known Derrick for quite a while and we had become more like blood brothers. I was torn apart, I couldn't choose sides. All along I thought they had something, something that no one else had. Their loved looked pure and true.  Their love was so innocent at times it made me cry and admire them. At times I also wanted to get a girl and never let her go. I had always looked up to those two. I kept on wondering what happened the last minute, what made Alison suddenly change?

The situation was so unbearable, I felt like crying. I couldn't imagine am letting my sister loose her happiness to a man she didn't love. I felt like I had betrayed her. I sat there hopelessly and ashamed, I couldn't face my sister anymore.  Guilt was softly killing me from the inside, I felt like there was a lamp that had formed in my throat that made it hard for me to swallow saliva. My eyes were turning red and watery.

"Alison, do you take Derrick to be your lawful husband?"  The priest repeated the words a bit loud. Once again she looked at me and I looked down, this time it was pretty clear to her that I had betrayed her. I was her only hope that day and I had chosen to betray her.  She broke down into tears, this time crying out a loud.  No one could understand what was going on apart from me. People thought they were tears of joy, but in real sense the tears had nothing to do with joy. All the shreds of joy left in her had been destroyed the moment she said "yes I do".  Deep inside her heart she felt like she he had sold her soul to the devil. Maybe Derrick was a snake in the green grass or better yet a wolf disguised in a sheep's skin. Maybe Derrick did something evil to her, or maybe she just realized she doesn't love him anymore. Maybe love fades and at one time, people need to be alone and appreciate what they have left in them.

A few minutes later, they both had rings on their fingers. A symbol that they were now one and no one could tear them apart. This was just the physical part of; Alison did not view it that way. She viewed it as sign of eternal suffering, her body and mind were not free. She felt locked up, and shuttered in an isolated island. She looked tired and drained. She was in desperate need of freedom, which she had loosed a few minutes ago.

Finally they left for their honeymoon, I dint know that would be the last day to see her or even  hear from her. Alison had gone for good; she had gone to a place where she was free. It was a place free from everybody.  A place she had been yearning for. A place where she found happiness and all she wanted only a few people who have been there can tell you how it feels like. Alison was no longer the same person, she was free but I wasn't not.  I remained locked up in my subconscious, wondering why I wasn't bold enough to stand up for her. She was betrayed by her feelings and brother. She had nothing else to live for.

Alison died looking for freedom.

I miss my one and only sister. ?