Bud Light

                                                                                    Bud Light

      "I have something to tell you Lorena," said Jimmy Lopez, handing a tiny felt box to the voluptuous woman of his dreams. "I want you to marry me. I want you to be the mother of my babies." Lorena, looking at the tiny ring that Jimmy worked so hard to purchase said, "No way Jimmy Lopez. You are dreaming if you think that I would ever walk down the aisle with you. Look," Lorena placed her hand on Jimmy's shoulder, "if it makes you happy I'll keep the shitty little ring." She then smiled and said, "I'm sorry to say this Jimmy but I'm waiting for someone better to come along, someone the complete opposite of you." In a blurred moment of anger, Jimmy pulled a shiny machete from his work truck and tore into Lorena from all angles. "What are you smiling about? A hard working gardener isn't good enough for you? Die you cellulite culu bitch! Die!" Thirty minutes later, and after calming down a bit, Jimmy looked down at Lorena's severed remains and immediately regretted his decision. He looked up to the sky and said, "Oh Jesus, I guess I really screwed up this time, huh?" Then, Jimmy foolishly tried in vain to revive Lorena, but it was too late, her once beautiful face was now rolling down a hill, moving rapidly towards a large family of Mexican's celebrating an afternoon in the park. "I need to get that pinche head!" screamed Jimmy.
      A dark fat man, holding a Bud Light in his hand and looking over a small sea of people said, "I am proud to say that my little girl is the first person in our family to graduate high school. I love you mija. You have made your father so very happy." A dark fat girl, in a graduation gown, eating tacos and sitting next to a dark fat woman, looked up from her paper plate and said, "You are the best papa in the entire world. I love you forever daddy." The dark fat man held the Bud Light bottle as high as he could with his right hand, wiped a tear with his left hand, and said, "A toast to my little princess, may God grant you all that you wish for in the future and..." At that moment, and from out of nowhere, Lorena's bloody head bounced off a rock, spun a few times, and then landed upright on the beer bottle. The dark fat man, eyes wide, screamed at the still smiling face of Lorena, "La cabeza de mi Lorena! My Love! My darling, you know I can't make it without you!" Jimmy, suddenly realizing that the dark fat man was the "better someone" that Lorena had mentioned just moments before, smiled and then said, "Wait here fatso, I need to get something shiny from my work truck."
                                                                                    The End