I have so many thoughts and feelings that no one knows about the thoughts and feelings that no one knows about are the thoughts and feelings that are to personal to share at the moment I feel like my heart is beyond repair like my life is slipping through my hands sometimes I wounder if I'll ever find someone who I will love with all of my heart who will love me with all of their heart I feel like my family my home consists of only me I feel like everything is slipping through my hands Words are slipping away from me I can't find the words to describe what I am feeling what I am thinking but more than anything what I am feeling I want a family so badly The family I have isn't the family I am looking for I'm looking for the family who understands where I am who understands that not everything can be expressed who is just there when you need someone to be there when you need someone to not say a word when you need someone to just be there when you have no words, and don't need to hear anything Everything feels so distant I'm not ready to take college classes again I'm not sure that I am ready for a relationship with my parents or brother 'cause I know they don't understand what it's like to be me what it's like to live in a place that doesn't accept me for who I am The words to explain everything that I think and feel are there but won't be understood by the people that need to understand them the most everything is so unclear to me nothing makes sense to me anymore all these feelings and all these thoughts that I have are all jumbled up inside of me The words seem to have disapeared from me and the only place that they come out correctly the only place where they are understood is in my head is in the perfect world that doesn't exist yet is in the worlds I have created as a writer I keep putting everything inside of me into my writing hoping that then it will make sense but then I feel so empty And when I feel so empty I feel like there's nothing worth holding onto anymore and I've lost all signs of hope I've lost all signs that things will get better And when I feel empty I feel so far from home I don't know that I ever found home after all my family doesn't always understand me the way I do when I write about everything I think and feel and I'm searching for the thing that will save me from all this hurt that I am feeling and know that I shouldn't feel this often You wounder why I am such a loner it's 'cause nobody understands what it's like to be me 'cause no one can really understand what it's like to be misunderstood every day of your life when all you want is understanding and all you want is love and all you want is a family instead of the lonliness you feel instead of the hurt you feel instead of the pain you feel instead of the tears that run down your face every single night as you wish for the things you always wanted that no one is willing to give you yet I keep holding on hoping that someday things will change hoping that someday I will find somthing worth holding onto hoping that someday I will find the family that understands the pain I've felt that understands the hurt I've felt that understands the tears that run down your face every single night that won't give up on you even when the going gets tough it has to happen someday right? Sometimes I think of letting go but then I remember all the good things and I hold on with all my might even though it hurts so much 'cause no one understands the pain the hurt the tears the lonliness the things I want all they see is a woman that is good at a few things but has nothing to show for all the effort that she has put into life and doesn't have the family that understands what it's like to want things so badly but to not be able to reach them so why does she keep hanging on? 'cause she is willing to put up with the pain with the hurt with the tears and with the lonliness that she deals with on a daily basis to find the people that are her family because they are the ones who care because they are the ones who understand her pain and her her tears and lonliness in a way that the people who she is related to by blood don't understand the people who understand and who care and who aren't related to her by blood are the ones that she considers her family 'cause they are the ones who do everything that your biological family is supposed to do |