Letting Go...

Nothing is tragic than the love with no happy ending..
The win of bad from good..
The loss of a heroine..
The suffering of a pure heart..
and an agony of a beautiful soul...

Sometimes, no matter how pure our intention is and no matter how good our goals are, we couldn't really see the outcome until it blow up to your face and show you the result your actions have done.

I had this odd relationship with a married guy.
He was my confidant, a person whom I was attracted to.
He was there when I was needing comfort and affection.
I saw him as more than just a friend and he saw me as more than just a simple girl needing a listener.
In short, we crossed between the lines.

No matter what we do, we still adore each other.
I may deny it many times but still, I can't stop thinking of those times that we were together.
They were sinful as hell but those are my weaknesses, he is my weakness.

I know I was only blinded by his sweet catchy lines and unbearable caring personality, but why can't I forget the way he touch me in the simplest way?
I couldn't forget how his voice lingers as he utter those bad words..
I can't see any flaws on his imperfections..
I just can't define it..
If it's not love..but what is it?

If anyone could tell me what's this experience, then I'm so much willing to listen.
I just can't bear this sensation we have, it's like an attraction between two extremes that cannot be separated by gravity.
He's an attachment in all natural ways...and I couldn't understand how this feeling developed.
How'd it become dangerous yet appalling.
How'd it become bad but precious.
Harsh but loving.

I wanted to say goodbye to this feeling.
Put an end to this unbearable pain of nostalgic memories.
From the day we met and the last minute we've spent together.
Can I just remember those images in such a gray picture?
No color..no feelings...no pain..
How can I numb myself from the disappoitnment, guilt, frustations, blame and fear when I'm not willing to sacrifice the happiness, joy, gratefulness for such experience?

How can I let go???
Tell me!